Swingers Jokes
Laughing in the Lifestyle: A Collection of Jokes for Swingers
One of the best things about being in the lifestyle is the confidence it brings—and nothing says confidence like being able to laugh at ourselves. Between the party logistics, the "vanilla" world misunderstandings, and the beautifully awkward moments, there's a lot of humor to be found in our world.
This is a space to share a laugh. Here are a few jokes from around the lifestyle. Some are old classics, some are new—all are meant with a wink and a smile.
The Classics
1. A newbie couple is getting ready for their first house party. The wife asks, "What should we bring as a gift?" The husband thinks for a moment and says, "Let's bring a nice bottle of wine." An experienced couple heading to the same party overhears them and chuckles. The wife leans over and whispers, "Amateurs. We're bringing towels."
2. A vanilla neighbor asks a swinger, "So, what did you and the wife get up to this weekend?" The swinger replies with a straight face, "Oh, the usual. Had a few friends over, fired up the grill, and played some board games." He just leaves out the part that the grill wasn't the only thing with hot meat on it and the game was Naked Twister.
3. Q: What's the most common phrase spoken at a swingers party? A: "So, what do you two do for a living?"
4. A man is complaining to his friend, "My wife is trying to get us into that swinging thing." His friend asks, "What are you going to do?" He replies, "I don't know, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to clean the garage."
You Might Be a Swinger If…
You might be a swinger if... your grocery list includes milk, bread, a bulk pack of condoms, and a pineapple.
You might be a swinger if... you have to check a shared calendar before you can say "yes" to a hot invitation.
You might be a swinger if... your 'date night' involves another couple and a booking confirmation.
You might be a swinger if... you've ever had a serious discussion with your partner about the proper way to load the dishwasher... while both of you are naked and covered in glitter.
You might be a swinger if... you refer to your spouse as your "Primary."
You might be a swinger if... you get genuinely excited when a hotel room has good lighting and full-length mirrors.
A Final Thought
A vanilla person walks into a bar and sees a couple he knows. He goes over and says, "Hey! I haven't seen you two in ages. How are things?" The husband replies, "Great! We've just been... seeing other people." The vanilla person looks horrified and says, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry to hear that!" The wife smiles and says, "Don't be. We go with him."
Now it's your turn!
What are the best lifestyle jokes you've heard? Drop your favorites in the comments below. Let's keep the laughter goin