Twas the night before Christmas and Santa’s a wreck
How to live in a world that’s politically correct
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves
Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the DVLA
And millions of people were calling the Cops
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened
and his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened
to show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
So ... half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts ... why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales ... while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No cricket no football ... someone might get hurt
besides — playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled and perplexed
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy — with no indecision
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue
everyone, everywhere ... even you
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth ...
MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH
Anon
How to live in a world that’s politically correct
His workers no longer would answer to “Elves
Vertically Challenged” they were calling themselves.
And labor conditions at the North Pole
were alleged by the union, to stifle the soul.
Four reindeer had vanished without much propriety
released to the wilds, by the Humane Society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear,
that Santa had better not use just reindeer.
So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid
were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid
The runners had been removed from his beautiful sleigh
because the ruts were deemed dangerous by the DVLA
And millions of people were calling the Cops
when they heard sled noises upon their roof tops.
Second-hand smoke from his pipe, had his workers quite frightened
and his fur trimmed red suit was called “unenlightened
to show you the strangeness of today’s ebbs and flows
Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose.
He went to Geraldo, in front of the Nation
demanding millions in over-due workers compensation.
So ... half of the reindeer were gone, and his wife
who suddenly said she’d had enough of this life
joined a self help group, packed and left in a whiz
demanding from now on that her title was Ms.
And as for gifts ... why, he’d never had the notion
that making a choice could cause such commotion.
Nothing of leather, nothing of fur
Which meant nothing for him or nothing for her.
Nothing to aim, Nothing to shoot
Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls and nothing for just boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific
Nothing that’s warlike or non-pacifistic.
No candy or sweets ... they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish upon the truth.
And fairy tales ... while not yet forbidden,
were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden
for they raised the hackles of those psychological,
who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.
No cricket no football ... someone might get hurt
besides — playing sports exposed kids to dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist and should be passe.
and Nintendo would rot your entire brain away.
So Santa just stood there, dishevelled and perplexed
he just couldn’t figure out what to do next
He tried to be merry he tried to be gay
but you must have to admit he was having a very bad day.
His sack was quite empty, it was flat on the ground
nothing fully acceptable was anywhere to be found.
Something special was needed, a gift that he might,
give to us all, without angering the left or the right.
A gift that would satisfy — with no indecision
each group of people in every religion.
Every race, every hue
everyone, everywhere ... even you
So here is that gift, it’s price beyond worth ...
MAY YOU AND YOUR LOVED ONES, ENJOY PEACE ON EARTH
Anon