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Bdsm and consent: how to stop rough sex crossing the line into abuse

By Lips_Pearls · 13 May 2018 ·
  1. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    What an interesting article I've found;


    _101233614_bdsm_2_getty.jpg

    When allegations of assault were made against New York's top prosecutor Eric Schneiderman this week, he denied them, saying engaging in non-consensual sex was a line he would not cross.

    "In the privacy of intimate relationships, I have engaged in role-playing and other consensual sexual activity. I have not assaulted anyone," he told The New Yorker magazine, which broke the story.

    Four women say he repeatedly slapped them and one said he insisted she call him "master" in non-consensual situations.

    One former girlfriend, Michelle Manning Barish, said: "This was under no circumstances a sex game gone wrong... I did not consent to physical assault." New York prosecutors are investigating the allegations.

    This is not the first time a man accused of assault has claimed he was consensually engaging in rough sex (in Mr Schneiderman's case, he was in a sexual relationship with three of his four accusers; a fourth woman said he hit her after she rebuffed him).


    BDSM vocabulary
    • Kink - a broad term that usually encompasses sexual acts considered outside the norm
    • BDSM - this acronym is described as a pre-agreed power exchange, sometimes not explicitly sexual
    • Dominant and submissive - the names for the roles individuals enact during BDSM practice
    • Play and scene - BDSM participants describe themselves as playing in a scene
    • Munch - a casual social meet-up for people involved in or interested in BDSM
    • Vanilla - refers to someone, or sex, that is not kinky
    • Safe words - words or a gesture pre-agreed with your partner to alert them to your physical limits
    • Aftercare - argued to be just as important as the scene, this is personal to the individual but may involve blankets, cuddles, conversation and a cup of tea to ease participants back to normality


    Source and to read more;
    How to stop rough sex crossing the line into abuse
     
    Therapon, debE, Meandlis and 2 others like this.
  2. Fifty shades of grey has a lot to answer for about peoples view of the bdsm community

    Interesting article
    Interesting voice article within the article too

    Quote from article
    " It can be sexy, but also deeply caring," explained sex coach Ms Martin

    Shame many people don't believe or understand that aspect of BDSM

    Sx
     
  3. Pearls

    Pearls #PearlsTechSupport

    Interesting (y)
     
    Baldrick likes this.
  4. The difference between rough sex and abuse is consent..

    So many men these days think if they tie a woman up, spank her ass then fuck her, it makes them a Dom.. I call them 50 Shades Doms because they have absolutely no idea what a Dom is or the dynamics involved.. Any real Dom knows that the brain/mind is the best sexual organ any of us have, turn this on and the body will follow :D
     
    Respect2017 likes this.

  5. Totally agree

    I call them fifty shades of grey
    Fuck em n flog em Fakes

    Sx
     
    Terryg and debE like this.
  6. Therapon

    Therapon Admin Sprtr

    I haven't read the whole article but this appears to be abuse, nothing more. As usual it seems people assume because someone has made a sexual advance during which they slapped someone then they must have been involved in BDSM. When does smacking someone become BDSM? Many people say they are involved in BDSM when the reality is they are role playing, when does role playing change into BDSM?
    For me BDSM is something I am involved in, I have a dominant, I am a submissive and I give my dominant the consent to do what we have agreed. We have rules, we agree what we what we want to do before any play takes place. Yes things may change during our play but again we discuss this. If I ask her to stop she does immeadiately. Too often people start role playing then things get out of hand and because they don't understand what BDSM is it turns into rough physical abuse - that is not BDSM.
    End of mini rant.
     
  7. Pearls

    Pearls #PearlsTechSupport

    I think a lot of people take advantage of situations in this scene.
    As a submissive I know my boundaries but I don't need to worry as @Lips_Pearls knows them better than me. I certainly have no fear and can trust 100%. Most of the time It's not me using the safe word but what can I say, I like a good punishment :notworthy:
     
  8. Pearls

    Pearls #PearlsTechSupport

    May I just add
    This doesn't make me weak what so ever and have control at all times ;)
     
    debE likes this.
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