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Bigamy And Secret Lives

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Scrunchy&Muffet, 17 October 2016.

  1. So i was speaking to a friend of mine earlier today. She was telling me about a guy who was married with a family and everything was great until she found out that the guy had a secret life and was actually married to someone else. She'd always thought there was something secretive about him but didnt know exactly quite how secret.

    Have you ever had experience of this? How would you react in this situation?
    Lets have your thoughts xxxx
     
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  2. How the heck has he got away with being married to two women?
    Never come across this myself.
    Who would you be able to report it to?
     
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  3. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    Oh I have seen this and not a good situation, these men are very clever, they tend to do jobs that take them away, they will keep everything from you like finances, social media accounts. Very sly indeed...
    If you are married and are happy then there are no excuses for secrets, @Admin and I share everything including our mobile, nothing is hidden, not even on here. It is in my opinion the way it should be ;)
     
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  4. Lovernotfighter

    Lovernotfighter PV Sprtr

    I had a great aunt that was married to a bigamist, I don't know much about the story apart from him being astranged from his first wife and being quickly kicked out and removed from the family when it became known.
    I don't know how people manage it, it is hard enough managing and remeberimg everything for one relationship never mind two secret ones.
     
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  5. I agree with @Lovernotfighter it would be too complicated lol. @VoluptuousVixen i guess it would be the police as its a criminal offence.
    @Pearls i agree hun if you cant be honest then you shouldnt be in a relationship at all. Sometimes i dont get the need for secrets and lies and deciet. Xxxxx
     
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  6. How they manage to maintain the deception of keeping both wifes and lifes seperate isn't an easy tasks because its lie built on a lie and it the devastion it leaves if ever found out.it will no doubt have the women questioning themselves too.!!!
     
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  7. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    No there is no need and in a relationship both parties have to be honest with everything, as I said we are very lucky that we have such a great relationship and have no secrets, best way xxx
     
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  8. Absolutely agree. Secrets are for those who have something to hide x x
     
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  9. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    Hell yea and the biggest give away for me would be mobiles... I would know straight away if anything was going on as we don't hide a thing from each other ;):love:
     
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  10. I was the same with my sons dad, we shared everything. It was one of the positives in our relationship
     
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  11. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    The way it should be hun ;)xx
     
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  12. It's often connected with chronophobia. The fear of not having enough time.

    I agree about openeness in relationships. I was in a polyamorous relationship. It was hard. In the beginning there was a lot of confusion. I, and the other partner were not allowed to see other people. Which meant there were times when I didn't see my partner for a long time. It was painful. I did something stupid with a guy. It was a beautiful and spontaneous one night thing but I kept it from her because I had broken the rules and at the time it was too painful to hurt her and to break up what we had.

    I lasted another 6 months. In that time we became closer. I came to adore her. At the same time she gave me permission to be with other people.

    Someone I had trusted and confided in decided to tell her about it. They embellished it with other stories. Hints that I was sleeping with other people all the time. I wasn't. I was happy but I was meeting new people and having fun. Nothing beyond freindship.

    Our relationship exploded 4 months ago. I did everything she demanded. We were supposed to be going on holiday and I saw it as an opportunity to repair the damage but I was too late.

    A week after we had broken up, she replaced me with someone else. We are friends but I will never be able to love her again. I care for her and want her to be happy because she carries her own demons.

    I moved away. I'm starting my life again. Wiser and more aware. I could never go back to that. I need to be open and clear about everything. Now living in a caravan which I am gradually renovating. If looks more like I want it to every day. I also have good friends who are interested in me beyond what I can do for them.

    I'm not destined to be with just one person. I'm beyond that level of insecurity. Being alone has given me a new perspective on everything. I understand a lot more of the things that cause pleasure for me. A lot more of the things that cause pain. Not physical pain but a renting grief that tears at your chest until you just want to cut it out.

    I'm beyond the mistakes and learning. Defining my own rules of what I need and what I desire.

    I cannot imagine the terror of a secret like bigamy and what drives someone to put themselves and the people around them through something like that.
     
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  13. Thanks for sharing such a personal story (y)
     
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  14. Thank you for your honesty. That must have been really hard for you xxx
     
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  15. What do you mean by mobiles sweetie? Xxx
     
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  16. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    Partners who have they're mobile with them where ever they go, constantly in pockets and never put them down, oh and if you are in a close relationship what the hell do you need security to get into it, I have no pass word on mine and it sits on the window sill, we share our phone as we only have one, don't see the point of having two tbh xx
     
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  17. I had an ex who would hide his phone, made me paranoid and I was right in the end, he cheated.
     
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  18. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    This :D
     
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  19. Oh i understand now. Yeah youre right theres no need to have it permanantly attatched to you. The world wont end lol. Xxxx
     
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  20. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    Exactly hun xx
     
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  21. Charlia

    Charlia PV Sprtr

    I don't agree with the practice at all.

    However, I can see some cases where it isn't too much of an issue (wrong phrase maybe). If Him and Her (wife one) have be separated for two years or more, and its simply a matter of gathering money together to pay for a divorce (which aren't cheap fyi), or even that they stayed married until the kid was a little older so could understand. I can kind of see that as an acceptable time to get married to another, if both original spouses consent and agree to it.

    Going behind someones back to get married and then hiding it from at least one of the wives/husbands is just not acceptable!!
     
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  22. Charlia

    Charlia PV Sprtr

    I'd happily have two married spouses if it was all consensual and legal. Especially if they were married to each other too, but that's a poly thing I think :)
     
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  23. I (Geoff) had a girlfriend whose mother found out after several years that her man had another family. He wasn't married to either woman but had children by both and supported both families and lived with both women part-time, apparently without either guessing about the other. No idea how the hell he managed it all, but my girlfriend said her mother was very upset when she found out, she remembered it well although she was young. The man and both women were from Jamaican backgrounds and apparently it has always been usual in their culture not to marry so it wasn't actually bigamy.

    Rose's ex was tolerant about her having extramarital affairs as long as she didn't use the house, and she was in a relationship with one guy for quite a while and would spend the night with him often. A couple of her friends were in an long-standing FF relationship then it became a polyamorous FFF relationship and one of the original pair felt very left out. Then after a few months it all broke up.

    Think it's difficult to keep everyone happy in a three-cornered relationship although having two wives or two husbands works in some parts of the word, and is a fantasy for a lot of people. Best just to live with one partner but agree it's OK to have sex with others for fun, which is why swinging is so good for those who can accept it. It's certainly stopped either of us wanting extramarital affairs.
     
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  24. The Police VV. It's illegal. Xx
     
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