Dom....sub Im Intregued By It

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Therapon

Admin
11 August 2015
24,400
47,314
Good evening all,

I have always been fascinated by the dynamic and have watched from afar with appreciation for those that live this way.

My question is can being a dom or a submissive be taught or is this natural instinct if you like or can it be taught as such either role that is?. I am aware that some people are switch.

forgive me if this may sound stupid or rude but I have always been fascinated by this so I thought I would ask?

It depends on what you mean by taught. For example I am a sub, its part of my sexual nature ( I guess its similar to someone being Bi) so that bit is natural and cannot be taught. Neither can the trust between a dom and sub be taught, it can only be earned.
What you can teach however is the different aspects of being a dub/dom, an example here could be how to safely restrain someone.
I know this is a very simplistic answer but as I said above I'm not really sure what you meant by the question. However if this is something that interests you then you could chat with some of the other subs/doms on the site, I'm sure they will, as I am, be happy to try to answer any questions. You might also want to look into attending your local Munch - these are social meetings for anyone into BDSM and can be a great place to talk to other like minded people face to face.
 
M

meet_the_fockers

Good evening all,

I have always been fascinated by the dynamic and have watched from afar with appreciation for those that live this way.

My question is can being a dom or a submissive be taught or is this natural instinct if you like or can it be taught as such either role that is?. I am aware that some people are switch.

forgive me if this may sound stupid or rude but I have always been fascinated by this so I thought I would ask?
Good thread wheels. X
 
24 November 2015
20,110
56,117
I'm a switch to some extent but my dom side is more to the fore, its not something you can either teach or be taught ,its in your nature , you can be taught the physical side ,ie how to flog someone correctly so as not to cause excessive discomfort ,Trust is the biggest factor a sub/dom have in their relationship , example of myself and therapon we know instinctively how far we are willing to push the boundaries ans as our trust in each other as grown so we explore and push the boundaries further
 
28 December 2016
612
1,350
City
Leicester
I agree with @Miss-Sexy-Legs the core nature at the heart of the Dominant cannot be taught. But the techniques and skills required to be a good one can.
Also you can gain an awful lot of understanding and experience which again changes the type of Dominant you make.
Same for the submissive. The instinct has to be there. The interesting thing is I meet people every day that have one or other of these instincts present and yet have no idea and therefore have no understanding of their own nature.
Knowing who we are and understanding our own driving forces has certainly changed our lives. Just excepting it within yourself can have a massive impact on the decisions you make and how you approach issues and people.
 
Last edited:
19 March 2015
23,755
64,897
Good evening all,

I have always been fascinated by the dynamic and have watched from afar with appreciation for those that live this way.

My question is can being a dom or a submissive be taught or is this natural instinct if you like or can it be taught as such either role that is?. I am aware that some people are switch.

forgive me if this may sound stupid or rude but I have always been fascinated by this so I thought I would ask?
sorry for the confusion what I was trying to ask is in a dom sub you have one person that's the dom and one sub. If you are a dom are you naturally dominant or can you be taught to be dom and vice versa with a sub are you naturally submissive or can you learn or be taught to be that way or a mix of both.

For us and our thoughts on it, it's definitely something within you. The instincts and thought processes must already be there.
You can enhance it by gaining further knowledge about the lifestyle itself, but that bent must be there in the first place.
I think it's fair to say that you either know or you don't, and with experience - it manifests itself and flourishes more with age too.

It's a case of being built that way (to coin a phrase). Your natural instinct is to protect and fight for what's yours. You will do whatever it takes. It's also instinct to have your submissive be devoted to you. You crave it like a drug and crave to give her (or him) the attention she needs too.
The craving becomes even more addictive when you realise that it's entirely a two way street. Your submissive is keen and eager, I mean really needs and wants to please you - and you want to cherish, nurture guide and protect her in exchange.

Cherish - speak to her correctly, treat her correctly and make her feel special, wanted, needed. It means encouragement and support. Praise, TLC as well as all the naughty stuff such as edging for a week or flogging for two hours or more..

Nurture - you have to be able to nurture her submissive side. Explore what she wants out of it, what does and doesn't do it for her. Where the lines are between pain, pleasure and discomfort. If she's a bratty sub, you have to give her the love, care and attention that she will crave from you, as much as possible.
In work and your submissive needs you? You have to be there.. Out with the lads and your submissive needs you for reassurance? You have to be there for her. (so on).. The list here is endless.

Guide - you have to be able to guide her when she gets lost or confused herself, which she may/will. Guide her in what you want out of her as your submissive? What're your expectations? What will you do if she's insubordinate? What will you do for rewards/punishments? How will you speak to her and what chores (if any) can you give? Food, she has to eat and regularly, but you have to be mindful of all aspects of that too.

Protect her - make sure she only speaks with people you've either given consent for, or work with her and make sure she is okay at every stage.. Whether that's a shit day in work, a shit day at home, or fending off other predatory "Dom's" from her.
Protect her emotionally from yourself. You have to be able to know the limits and toe the line. Protect her physically from yourself. Crossing into abuse territory is way too easily done as the lines can get blurred very quickly.

All of the above and more, is some of what it takes really to live this life like that.
You cannot just pretend to be what you're not.. That applies to both sides.. You can experiment and see if it brings out a kinky side and expand on it of course though. :spank:

In the end, being a Dominant is hard bloody work - it really is, make no mistakes about it. You have emotions constantly running as well as the fun hitty stuff. But SO worth it...(okay maybe not the bratty moments lol)
There's nothing more satisfying than having a submissive give total submission to you in return for your trust and care. Remembering it's her choice to do this.. But it's within you in the first place.

A good thwack or 10, can be as addictive for you and your submissive as much as speaking to her in a way that gets her knickers wet and dropped when you walk through the door, simply through a phone call. :sneaky: ;)

Given the nature of the post which is a very wide and broad question, I thought I'd try and elaborate a bit more on this especially if it helps other people. (y)
 
28 December 2016
612
1,350
City
Leicester
For us and our thoughts on it, it's definitely something within you. The instincts and thought processes must already be there.
You can enhance it by gaining further knowledge about the lifestyle itself, but that bent must be there in the first place.
I think it's fair to say that you either know or you don't, and with experience - it manifests itself and flourishes more with age too.

It's a case of being built that way (to coin a phrase). Your natural instinct is to protect and fight for what's yours. You will do whatever it takes. It's also instinct to have your submissive be devoted to you. You crave it like a drug and crave to give her (or him) the attention she needs too.
The craving becomes even more addictive when you realise that it's entirely a two way street. Your submissive is keen and eager, I mean really needs and wants to please you - and you want to cherish, nurture guide and protect her in exchange.

Cherish - speak to her correctly, treat her correctly and make her feel special, wanted, needed. It means encouragement and support. Praise, TLC as well as all the naughty stuff such as edging for a week or flogging for two hours or more..

Nurture - you have to be able to nurture her submissive side. Explore what she wants out of it, what does and doesn't do it for her. Where the lines are between pain, pleasure and discomfort. If she's a bratty sub, you have to give her the love, care and attention that she will crave from you, as much as possible.
In work and your submissive needs you? You have to be there.. Out with the lads and your submissive needs you for reassurance? You have to be there for her. (so on).. The list here is endless.

Guide - you have to be able to guide her when she gets lost or confused herself, which she may/will. Guide her in what you want out of her as your submissive? What're your expectations? What will you do if she's insubordinate? What will you do for rewards/punishments? How will you speak to her and what chores (if any) can you give? Food, she has to eat and regularly, but you have to be mindful of all aspects of that too.

Protect her - make sure she only speaks with people you've either given consent for, or work with her and make sure she is okay at every stage.. Whether that's a shit day in work, a shit day at home, or fending off other predatory "Dom's" from her.
Protect her emotionally from yourself. You have to be able to know the limits and toe the line. Protect her physically from yourself. Crossing into abuse territory is way too easily done as the lines can get blurred very quickly.

All of the above and more, is some of what it takes really to live this life like that.
You cannot just pretend to be what you're not.. That applies to both sides.. You can experiment and see if it brings out a kinky side and expand on it of course though. :spank:

In the end, being a Dominant is hard bloody work - it really is, make no mistakes about it. You have emotions constantly running as well as the fun hitty stuff. But SO worth it...(okay maybe not the bratty moments lol)
There's nothing more satisfying than having a submissive give total submission to you in return for your trust and care. Remembering it's her choice to do this.. But it's within you in the first place.

A good thwack or 10, can be as addictive for you and your submissive as much as speaking to her in a way that gets her knickers wet and dropped when you walk through the door, simply through a phone call. :sneaky: ;)

Given the nature of the post which is a very wide and broad question, I thought I'd try and elaborate a bit more on this especially if it helps other people. (y)

Agree with all of that.... scratches the surface a bit lol.
It is truly hard work and you have to be able to take the emotional stress for two. You take everything that your submissive feels, every hit, every doubt, worry, upset. Untangle it all and put them back together.
But my god no one on earth can feel a bond like that. Husband and wife, Dominant and submissive just takes it to a whole other level if it's in you both.
 
Pearls

MOTM

18 July 2015
55,089
120,746
For us and our thoughts on it, it's definitely something within you. The instincts and thought processes must already be there.
You can enhance it by gaining further knowledge about the lifestyle itself, but that bent must be there in the first place.
I think it's fair to say that you either know or you don't, and with experience - it manifests itself and flourishes more with age too.

It's a case of being built that way (to coin a phrase). Your natural instinct is to protect and fight for what's yours. You will do whatever it takes. It's also instinct to have your submissive be devoted to you. You crave it like a drug and crave to give her (or him) the attention she needs too.
The craving becomes even more addictive when you realise that it's entirely a two way street. Your submissive is keen and eager, I mean really needs and wants to please you - and you want to cherish, nurture guide and protect her in exchange.

Cherish - speak to her correctly, treat her correctly and make her feel special, wanted, needed. It means encouragement and support. Praise, TLC as well as all the naughty stuff such as edging for a week or flogging for two hours or more..

Nurture - you have to be able to nurture her submissive side. Explore what she wants out of it, what does and doesn't do it for her. Where the lines are between pain, pleasure and discomfort. If she's a bratty sub, you have to give her the love, care and attention that she will crave from you, as much as possible.
In work and your submissive needs you? You have to be there.. Out with the lads and your submissive needs you for reassurance? You have to be there for her. (so on).. The list here is endless.

Guide - you have to be able to guide her when she gets lost or confused herself, which she may/will. Guide her in what you want out of her as your submissive? What're your expectations? What will you do if she's insubordinate? What will you do for rewards/punishments? How will you speak to her and what chores (if any) can you give? Food, she has to eat and regularly, but you have to be mindful of all aspects of that too.

Protect her - make sure she only speaks with people you've either given consent for, or work with her and make sure she is okay at every stage.. Whether that's a shit day in work, a shit day at home, or fending off other predatory "Dom's" from her.
Protect her emotionally from yourself. You have to be able to know the limits and toe the line. Protect her physically from yourself. Crossing into abuse territory is way too easily done as the lines can get blurred very quickly.

All of the above and more, is some of what it takes really to live this life like that.
You cannot just pretend to be what you're not.. That applies to both sides.. You can experiment and see if it brings out a kinky side and expand on it of course though. :spank:

In the end, being a Dominant is hard bloody work - it really is, make no mistakes about it. You have emotions constantly running as well as the fun hitty stuff. But SO worth it...(okay maybe not the bratty moments lol)
There's nothing more satisfying than having a submissive give total submission to you in return for your trust and care. Remembering it's her choice to do this.. But it's within you in the first place.

A good thwack or 10, can be as addictive for you and your submissive as much as speaking to her in a way that gets her knickers wet and dropped when you walk through the door, simply through a phone call. :sneaky: ;)

Given the nature of the post which is a very wide and broad question, I thought I'd try and elaborate a bit more on this especially if it helps other people. (y)
Spot on x