We're both highly sexed and had affairs, one night stands, etc, when married to our exes - Rose eventually with her husband's knowledge and toleration, but Geoff always discreetly. We discussed this when we became an item and it didn't look as though conventional faithfulness was going to be a realistic option in our relationship, so very early on we decided to try swinging. For us, it's the perfect solution. We have fabulous loving sex together and recreational sex with other people, mainly together and with no need for deceit. It's not because either of us feel something is lacking in our relationship or in the performance of the other.
We both discovered an unexpected extra - when watching the other one with someone else, our reaction is not jealousy but tenderness. Hard to explain if you don't feel that way, but seeing the other one let go and get deep into sexual pleasure is beautiful, something you can't see fully when just the two of you are doing it. The morning after a swinging session (unless it's a sleepover, then later) we lie in bed and discuss what we felt about things, and if we were in separate rooms, what we did. That's very bonding and ends up with loving sex, 'reclaiming' ourselves as a couple after sharing with others.
Don't know if anyone is watching "Paranoid" on ITV? A detective has just found out that a woman he fancies was a swinger and there are pics of her with various men. She's embarrassed and he can't handle it, so he's dosing himself with lots of anti-depressants and has broken off contact. Rose was laughing at all this: as she said, it was consensual sex between adults so why be shocked or ashamed of your natural urges?
sums it up perfectly I think. (IMO)
