Morning all, as per the title this isn't exactly about being sinful, probably more needing an forgiveness for the sin of being an asshole. But let me explain:
About 4 years ago (on another site) I took interest in a particualr lady. We got chatting and quickly agreed would be good to meet in person. Such happened at a social a few months later and we got to put faces ot names, however being a social did not take things further at the time, but did exchnge pleasantries once back online and agreed to arrange a meet, and swapped numbers. However, she did not accomodate at home (due to kids) and had limited travel (in case she had to dash back home due to kids). So while I was happy to go with the hotel/club option, agreeing to a location/date proved to be tricky.
Over the next 3 years we would continually bump into each other at socials or clubs (yes, some with play rooms) and I would observe a pattern where everytime we bumped into each other (unplanned/unannounced), getting any moment of her time was met with any of the following "excuses":
1. "I've just finished playing - I wanna go get a drink first, catch up later?"
2. "Oh its hot here, I'm going out for some fresh air - see you in a bit?"
3. "I've lost my friends - I'll come see you after I've found them?"
4. "I'm feeling a bit unwell - I think I'll go home and talk to you another day?"
As I said, these were unplanned/unannounced (ie, I hadn't mentioned publicly that I was going). Whenever I did drop her a text to say "Heya, I'm going to such and such get together, hope we can get 5 mins to chat there" (or words to that effect), 24 hrs later I'd get a message back "Oh sorry, I'm not going anymore". Once I even tested a theory and sent the message the night before, and got the same pattern reply back the morning of.
At this stage (some 6 months ago, after 3 years of playing cat and mouse) I decided to take the hint and stop contacting her. No more texts/emails, and unfriended her. Easier to move on right?
So on an outing about a month ago I bumped into a blast from the past (known each other from maybe 10 years back) who happened to have this first lady in tow. Now I did not know they knew each other, was so happy to see lady B (quick hug/cuddle/kiss) and gave lady A a "friendly but platonic quick hug", and proceeded to catch up with lady B on good times.
Some days later, I got a friend invite from the first lady (the one we've been playing cat and mouse for 4 years). Now the system shows one of 3 statuses: "You are friends","invite pending" or nothing at all (if not marked as friends). I've ignored it as if I deleted it, on her side would go from "invite pending" to blank, signifying I deleted it.
See I'll admit I have a fucked up way of thinking: I admit I don't understand women (not sure anyone does) and every interaction I see as a new game of 3D-chess while blindfolded, in a landmine, standing on one leg (in short, no false moves!). But I do know one truth: the only thing worse than too much or the wrong attention, is no attention at all. I have learned over the years when I get the feeling a lady isn't interested (after giving what I deem more time than reasonable) I move on.
So, choosing to move on is easy (nothing venutred, nothing lost): the question now is - what do I delete the friend invite, or do I ignore it and leave it "pending"? And ..why am I such an asshole? And, is this (ie me) forgiveable?
About 4 years ago (on another site) I took interest in a particualr lady. We got chatting and quickly agreed would be good to meet in person. Such happened at a social a few months later and we got to put faces ot names, however being a social did not take things further at the time, but did exchnge pleasantries once back online and agreed to arrange a meet, and swapped numbers. However, she did not accomodate at home (due to kids) and had limited travel (in case she had to dash back home due to kids). So while I was happy to go with the hotel/club option, agreeing to a location/date proved to be tricky.
Over the next 3 years we would continually bump into each other at socials or clubs (yes, some with play rooms) and I would observe a pattern where everytime we bumped into each other (unplanned/unannounced), getting any moment of her time was met with any of the following "excuses":
1. "I've just finished playing - I wanna go get a drink first, catch up later?"
2. "Oh its hot here, I'm going out for some fresh air - see you in a bit?"
3. "I've lost my friends - I'll come see you after I've found them?"
4. "I'm feeling a bit unwell - I think I'll go home and talk to you another day?"
As I said, these were unplanned/unannounced (ie, I hadn't mentioned publicly that I was going). Whenever I did drop her a text to say "Heya, I'm going to such and such get together, hope we can get 5 mins to chat there" (or words to that effect), 24 hrs later I'd get a message back "Oh sorry, I'm not going anymore". Once I even tested a theory and sent the message the night before, and got the same pattern reply back the morning of.
At this stage (some 6 months ago, after 3 years of playing cat and mouse) I decided to take the hint and stop contacting her. No more texts/emails, and unfriended her. Easier to move on right?
So on an outing about a month ago I bumped into a blast from the past (known each other from maybe 10 years back) who happened to have this first lady in tow. Now I did not know they knew each other, was so happy to see lady B (quick hug/cuddle/kiss) and gave lady A a "friendly but platonic quick hug", and proceeded to catch up with lady B on good times.
Some days later, I got a friend invite from the first lady (the one we've been playing cat and mouse for 4 years). Now the system shows one of 3 statuses: "You are friends","invite pending" or nothing at all (if not marked as friends). I've ignored it as if I deleted it, on her side would go from "invite pending" to blank, signifying I deleted it.
See I'll admit I have a fucked up way of thinking: I admit I don't understand women (not sure anyone does) and every interaction I see as a new game of 3D-chess while blindfolded, in a landmine, standing on one leg (in short, no false moves!). But I do know one truth: the only thing worse than too much or the wrong attention, is no attention at all. I have learned over the years when I get the feeling a lady isn't interested (after giving what I deem more time than reasonable) I move on.
So, choosing to move on is easy (nothing venutred, nothing lost): the question now is - what do I delete the friend invite, or do I ignore it and leave it "pending"? And ..why am I such an asshole? And, is this (ie me) forgiveable?
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