Clubs and parties. Love them or hate them,they are a favourite of mine. Even without any sort of sexual stuff, they can provide hours of pure entertainment. Some people are dubious about how fun they can be. So with the reopening "legally" of most places , I thought it would be good to share my experiences and let people in on some of my well thought out tips ?.
I never go in like i've been cast as a lead role in an upcoming musical. There's only room for one vibrant character,and she's normally there when the doors open,ready to shout "HELLO SWEETIE WELCOME" to everyone that turns up. Sometimes there's even a friendly hug,whether you ask for one or not.
I head to the locker to get rid of the full suitcase I take with me. Sometimes I bump into token towel man,who's already declothed ready to get stuck in.And who is never seen again ,except brief,fleeting moments throughout the night. First thing that I like to do is not move from the disco/social area.I avoid eye contact until I have my first drink in my hand.I can usually last around 45 minutes to an hour in there.I'll bop along to the 80's disco,that is definitely playing!.I make small talk with people "it's busy/quiet tonight isn't it" "I wonder if they'll play anything else other than Frankie and Madonna" " I already want to take my heels off". This sets the tone on who you know is friendly,and who has already decided i'm a peasant. By now I've already spotted the lady in the neon fishnet dress, who I know to avoid,because she's normally pissed by 11.30.Screaming like a banchee if she isn't riding some poor soul like a rodeo, in the middle of the dance floor. Her husband is the one in the Ralph polo shirt,pretending he doesn't know her,after the second bottle of prosecco. He will talk to anyone ?.
After an hour I like to begin my circuit run of the club. Most people do a quick tour around,scoping whats going on.I don't do this lol.I will touch everything.I check any curtains.I test the bounciness of beds.I check to see what finish are on the door knobs. How smooth walls are,light switches,couch material etc .I basically do a full trip advisor ,rating survey of the club.I want to stay in as many areas as possible, for as long as I can,without looking like a lurky lurker. People look at me like "what the fuck is she doing" But it gets you noticed,without looking like a secret voyeur.Sometimes people get curious and walk over to me,because they think I've found something interesting.I haven't, but it's a good conversation starter.
Sure enough by 11.30, neon lady is indeed causing a shitstorm around the club,and this is my cue to join the discussions about her,that are undoubtedly happening,in the smokers area.
The WELCOME SWEETIE,lady is already out there.I love her at this point because we always have the same conversations.
"You having a good night HUN?"
"Yeah its busy"
"Is it your first time HUN?"
"No I was here last month"
"I don't think we met HUN"
"No we did,in this exact spot. And the month before that"
"Oh sorry HUN,i'm forgetful". The 15 gin and tonics that gets knocked back each visit,will make anyone forget tbh,so I never hold a grudge.The smokers area is like the fountain of knowledge.Even without being a smoker this is the place to go if you want to be in the know,and see who's looking for what.I gravitate to the Kent couple.No matter where you are,there will probably be a loving couple from Kent who enjoy meals at their local pub,and holidays in PDI 3 time a year. They always seem like the type who will help any newbie find their feet.
Social work done,It's time for an outfit change. You know shit's about to go down, when there's a line of people at the lockers, changing into lacy gear.
Once changed I head up to lounge part of the play area.I sit on a couch,not a care in the world.I'm not about to start dive bombing into the middle of an orgy or anything extreme.Got to keep it casual,so you don't look desperate.I avoid the jacuzzi area between 12 and 1,because that is chill time for the people who are proactive and got stuck in at 10pm.They deserve the peace.
The couple who look like they've arrived to the club from a 2 week holiday in Greece,are putting on an amazing show in the middle bed, and more often than not, that gets most people going and someone makes a move.
All fun and games over with, I head down to have a weak as piss coffee,that costs a quid and tastes like it's been recycled. Change into my jeans and hoody so I don't look like i've been getting banged at a swingers club,when I get to the hotel, and head away after another brilliant night. Somehow neon lady is still standing and is hugging HELLO WELCOME LADY like they're besties.
There's always fun and games at clubs and I do reccommend them for anyone who's curious or just enjoys the fun of it all.For every bad apple,theres 30 odd people who are there for a laugh,won't treat you like you have 3 heads and won't leave you looking like Billy no mates ?.xxEMxx
I never go in like i've been cast as a lead role in an upcoming musical. There's only room for one vibrant character,and she's normally there when the doors open,ready to shout "HELLO SWEETIE WELCOME" to everyone that turns up. Sometimes there's even a friendly hug,whether you ask for one or not.
I head to the locker to get rid of the full suitcase I take with me. Sometimes I bump into token towel man,who's already declothed ready to get stuck in.And who is never seen again ,except brief,fleeting moments throughout the night. First thing that I like to do is not move from the disco/social area.I avoid eye contact until I have my first drink in my hand.I can usually last around 45 minutes to an hour in there.I'll bop along to the 80's disco,that is definitely playing!.I make small talk with people "it's busy/quiet tonight isn't it" "I wonder if they'll play anything else other than Frankie and Madonna" " I already want to take my heels off". This sets the tone on who you know is friendly,and who has already decided i'm a peasant. By now I've already spotted the lady in the neon fishnet dress, who I know to avoid,because she's normally pissed by 11.30.Screaming like a banchee if she isn't riding some poor soul like a rodeo, in the middle of the dance floor. Her husband is the one in the Ralph polo shirt,pretending he doesn't know her,after the second bottle of prosecco. He will talk to anyone ?.
After an hour I like to begin my circuit run of the club. Most people do a quick tour around,scoping whats going on.I don't do this lol.I will touch everything.I check any curtains.I test the bounciness of beds.I check to see what finish are on the door knobs. How smooth walls are,light switches,couch material etc .I basically do a full trip advisor ,rating survey of the club.I want to stay in as many areas as possible, for as long as I can,without looking like a lurky lurker. People look at me like "what the fuck is she doing" But it gets you noticed,without looking like a secret voyeur.Sometimes people get curious and walk over to me,because they think I've found something interesting.I haven't, but it's a good conversation starter.
Sure enough by 11.30, neon lady is indeed causing a shitstorm around the club,and this is my cue to join the discussions about her,that are undoubtedly happening,in the smokers area.
The WELCOME SWEETIE,lady is already out there.I love her at this point because we always have the same conversations.
"You having a good night HUN?"
"Yeah its busy"
"Is it your first time HUN?"
"No I was here last month"
"I don't think we met HUN"
"No we did,in this exact spot. And the month before that"
"Oh sorry HUN,i'm forgetful". The 15 gin and tonics that gets knocked back each visit,will make anyone forget tbh,so I never hold a grudge.The smokers area is like the fountain of knowledge.Even without being a smoker this is the place to go if you want to be in the know,and see who's looking for what.I gravitate to the Kent couple.No matter where you are,there will probably be a loving couple from Kent who enjoy meals at their local pub,and holidays in PDI 3 time a year. They always seem like the type who will help any newbie find their feet.
Social work done,It's time for an outfit change. You know shit's about to go down, when there's a line of people at the lockers, changing into lacy gear.
Once changed I head up to lounge part of the play area.I sit on a couch,not a care in the world.I'm not about to start dive bombing into the middle of an orgy or anything extreme.Got to keep it casual,so you don't look desperate.I avoid the jacuzzi area between 12 and 1,because that is chill time for the people who are proactive and got stuck in at 10pm.They deserve the peace.
The couple who look like they've arrived to the club from a 2 week holiday in Greece,are putting on an amazing show in the middle bed, and more often than not, that gets most people going and someone makes a move.
All fun and games over with, I head down to have a weak as piss coffee,that costs a quid and tastes like it's been recycled. Change into my jeans and hoody so I don't look like i've been getting banged at a swingers club,when I get to the hotel, and head away after another brilliant night. Somehow neon lady is still standing and is hugging HELLO WELCOME LADY like they're besties.
There's always fun and games at clubs and I do reccommend them for anyone who's curious or just enjoys the fun of it all.For every bad apple,theres 30 odd people who are there for a laugh,won't treat you like you have 3 heads and won't leave you looking like Billy no mates ?.xxEMxx
