Hello kinky people,
This is going to be my last post for the foreseeable future as I feel I need to take a break from SS. No drama, I just feel it's for the best.
May be for a day, may be for a week, may be for a year I don't know, I'll see how I feel about things on a day to day basis.
Anyway, having said that I thought I'd bow out with a rambling piece of old nonsense.....
I'm feeling hot and bothered, frustrated and fed up.
So I thought I'd write a post to bring joy and happiness to the world.
This post was intended to be an objective and concise description of what I believe to be the fundamental differences between a "conventional Dom and a SENSUAL Dom.
But as I started to write my personal feelings took over and the structure soon became fractured as my brain flittered from one thought to another.
Normally I would restructure and re-write but quite frankly in my present state of mind, I couldn't be bothered.
So if you can't be bothered to read it, I don't blame you
This one's from the heart.
Firstly I must stress that these are my personal thoughts and opinions. I don't claim that it is anything more than that.
I don't claim to be an expert.
Anyone is more than entitled to disagree with anything and everything I've written.
I repeat it is only my opinion based on my experiences.
As I've mentioned previously I was involved in the BDSM community for quite some time before quitting the scene just over two years ago.
Since then, to be honest I've not given it much of a thought and not missed it.
Then a few weeks ago I met someone who rekindled my desire to include elements of BDSM into any sexual activity I'm involved in.
Then, it became clear that she would like to explore the D/s dynamic.
As I spoke with her (either verbally or via messages) it seemd that our desires and views on how scenes should work were perfectly aligned.
My desire to have scenes with this girl intensified with every conversation we had.
What I found exciting is that it seemed clear that she'd prefer the attention of a Sensual Dom rather than a conventional one.
Having gotten from her a list of likes, dislikes and fantasies I worked feverishly on some scenes and scripts that I hoped would take her to places she'd never been and fulfil fantasies and desires beyond her wildest dreams. I bought all the necessary gear for the scenes. Oh yes, I was in heaven.
BTW she never asked me to buy any of these things, I bought them because I loved the idea of seeing her face when I either showed them to her or told her about them.
And, of course, I was so, so, so excited about seeing how much pleasure she was capable of experiencing.
Sadly, for one reason or another none of this has come to fruition (although none of us knows what the future may bring, this story may not be over with
See, wondered off track again....
Let me just make something clear here. By focussing on sensation rather than pure pain doesn't mean a Sen Dom doesn't use such things as floggers, paddles, crops whatever and it doesn't mean he never causes pain.
Pain is a sensation after all. But, imo, a sensual dom aims to cause the minimum about of pain to cause the maximum amount of arousal (and of course, every one is different and for some subs, a lot of pain may be required to satisfy the subs cravings)
He also mixes any pain inducing acts with soft stroking, reassurance of his sub and care. And I, as said previously, derive no pleasure from inflicting pain. I do derive pleasure from it only if it is what my sub craves and is giving her pleasure.
At this point, I'd like to mention the use of the words Doms and subs.
I've pointed out before that the casual use of the word Dom is often incorrect.
I'll be brief.
A Dom (or Sensual Dom) is responsible for the health, care , pleasure and well being of his submissive. This can vary from responsibilty during and after a scene to total responsibilty in a full time D/s relationship (Total Power Exchange). It must always invlove an elemeny of power exchange. The same rules apply to the submissive.
If it's just a bit of fun then the "dominant" part of the equation is simply called a Top and his submissive partner is a "bottom"
At the moment I am more than happy to act as a Top as I don't want the responsibility of being a Dom. But for the sake of clarity in this post, I shall just use the words Dom and sub.
When I entered the scene I was like most other newbies.
I knew there was something inside of me that wouldn't be content with conventional vanilla sex.
I knew I wanted more.
And I loved the clothes the women wore.
Again, like most people, I termed myself a switch initially but that soon got changed as I discovered pretty quickly I wasn't a submissive.
But I also knew I took no pleasure in hurting people.
The theory behind inflicting pain is that it produces a sensation which tiggers the relese of, amongst other chemicals, endorphins which can give the sub a massive natural high (which sometimes reach such staggering heights that it induces in the sub a state known as subspace where the sub reaches a psudo-catatonic plane of conciousness. However, it is the stimulation and sensation that produces the release of endorphins and this can be acheived in ways other than inflicting severe pain. If a Dom is skilled enough he can acheive the same goal by mixing up the sensations to such a point that merely stroking the sensitised skin of, say, the inner thighs, of the sub will have the same effect on the senses as any number of skin tearing whacks with a steel rod.
So I spent a few months kind of wandering around not really knowing what to do next. Then I was fortunate to meet a lady who had been in the scene a long time and seen it all. After spending some time with her and explaining how I felt she eventually said oh, you're a Sensual Dom.
I'll admit it was a term I'd not come across previously but, as is my nature, I wnet home and started to study.
It soon became very clear to me that she was absolute;y right.
It was like a eureka moment for me, an epithany.
I became clear in my mind that that was the road I wanted to follow.
I was recommended a website containing the blog of a top guy called Dominant Soul. I read his work and got in touch with him and we were in regular contact until I left the scene.
It seems, to me, that some Doms within the community either do not know or do not care what it actually means to be a Dominant and the responsibity he has towards the well-being of his submissive who, by the way, has given him a precious gift. That is trust. He has been fortunate to find someone who is willing to give him her trust, which is a beautiful thing.
I saw too many instances where a Dom, again in my opinion and years of studying human nature, thought little of his submissive's safety and pleasure and too much of his own.
When a Dom is enjoying inflicting more pain than his sub enjoys then it ceases to be a power excange for the mutual pleasure and bliss of the people involved and becomes an exhibition of sadism and torture. It often demonstrates that the Dom has either not negotiated at all or has taken little notice during the period of negotiation and is going to do his own thing regardless.
My problem is that if I see or hear of something that I not only consider morally wrong but could actullay put someone in danger I find it difficult not to present my argument to them. And on occassion I did.
So eventually, about 2-3 years ago I grew tired of the whole thing. It wasn't just the attitude of a few bad Doms it was a variety of issues inside and outside of the comminity that led to me leaving.
When I know that a scene is on the horizon I make sure I prepare properly and both parties know what to expect.
As mentioned earlier, I will create a "script" of how I'd like it to go.
I will tell the sub the outline of the scene and the activities that will be involved.
We'll discuss it and if she's happy with it I ask if she wants to read the actual script so she knows in what order she will be experiencing the events.
I do say that anticipation definately adds to the sensastion.
The script can act as a mere guideline to ensure we leave nothing out or it can be followed closely. It depends on how things develop.
During playtime in between any periods of potential discomfort for the sub (flogging etc) I will ask (within the context of play) if everthing's ok, does she need a glass of water, has she any special requests.
I will tell her how well she's doing and how hot and sexy she looks (because she will)
Once play has ended I will make sure she feels warm, comfortable and safe.
I will ask if she would like to shower and afterwards I will use warm massaging wax to give her an all over sensual rub/massage.
She will then either feel so good she despearately wants sex or she'll contentedly nod off.
The choice will be entirely hers.
The most important things to a Sensual Dom (and to any Dom really) should be the earning of trust from his submissive and communication with his sub at all times.
The whole Dom/sub, Top/bottom scene is a massive subject and means different things to different people. It can really be whatever you want it to be.
Don't knw why I wrote all this crap but I did, so there
Antogs xx
Here's a totally gratuitous picture of a very happy sub
This is going to be my last post for the foreseeable future as I feel I need to take a break from SS. No drama, I just feel it's for the best.
May be for a day, may be for a week, may be for a year I don't know, I'll see how I feel about things on a day to day basis.
Anyway, having said that I thought I'd bow out with a rambling piece of old nonsense.....
I'm feeling hot and bothered, frustrated and fed up.
So I thought I'd write a post to bring joy and happiness to the world.
This post was intended to be an objective and concise description of what I believe to be the fundamental differences between a "conventional Dom and a SENSUAL Dom.
But as I started to write my personal feelings took over and the structure soon became fractured as my brain flittered from one thought to another.
Normally I would restructure and re-write but quite frankly in my present state of mind, I couldn't be bothered.
So if you can't be bothered to read it, I don't blame you
This one's from the heart.
Firstly I must stress that these are my personal thoughts and opinions. I don't claim that it is anything more than that.
I don't claim to be an expert.
Anyone is more than entitled to disagree with anything and everything I've written.
I repeat it is only my opinion based on my experiences.
As I've mentioned previously I was involved in the BDSM community for quite some time before quitting the scene just over two years ago.
Since then, to be honest I've not given it much of a thought and not missed it.
Then a few weeks ago I met someone who rekindled my desire to include elements of BDSM into any sexual activity I'm involved in.
Then, it became clear that she would like to explore the D/s dynamic.
As I spoke with her (either verbally or via messages) it seemd that our desires and views on how scenes should work were perfectly aligned.
My desire to have scenes with this girl intensified with every conversation we had.
What I found exciting is that it seemed clear that she'd prefer the attention of a Sensual Dom rather than a conventional one.
Having gotten from her a list of likes, dislikes and fantasies I worked feverishly on some scenes and scripts that I hoped would take her to places she'd never been and fulfil fantasies and desires beyond her wildest dreams. I bought all the necessary gear for the scenes. Oh yes, I was in heaven.
BTW she never asked me to buy any of these things, I bought them because I loved the idea of seeing her face when I either showed them to her or told her about them.
And, of course, I was so, so, so excited about seeing how much pleasure she was capable of experiencing.
Sadly, for one reason or another none of this has come to fruition (although none of us knows what the future may bring, this story may not be over with
See, wondered off track again....
Let me just make something clear here. By focussing on sensation rather than pure pain doesn't mean a Sen Dom doesn't use such things as floggers, paddles, crops whatever and it doesn't mean he never causes pain.
Pain is a sensation after all. But, imo, a sensual dom aims to cause the minimum about of pain to cause the maximum amount of arousal (and of course, every one is different and for some subs, a lot of pain may be required to satisfy the subs cravings)
He also mixes any pain inducing acts with soft stroking, reassurance of his sub and care. And I, as said previously, derive no pleasure from inflicting pain. I do derive pleasure from it only if it is what my sub craves and is giving her pleasure.
At this point, I'd like to mention the use of the words Doms and subs.
I've pointed out before that the casual use of the word Dom is often incorrect.
I'll be brief.
A Dom (or Sensual Dom) is responsible for the health, care , pleasure and well being of his submissive. This can vary from responsibilty during and after a scene to total responsibilty in a full time D/s relationship (Total Power Exchange). It must always invlove an elemeny of power exchange. The same rules apply to the submissive.
If it's just a bit of fun then the "dominant" part of the equation is simply called a Top and his submissive partner is a "bottom"
At the moment I am more than happy to act as a Top as I don't want the responsibility of being a Dom. But for the sake of clarity in this post, I shall just use the words Dom and sub.
When I entered the scene I was like most other newbies.
I knew there was something inside of me that wouldn't be content with conventional vanilla sex.
I knew I wanted more.
And I loved the clothes the women wore.
Again, like most people, I termed myself a switch initially but that soon got changed as I discovered pretty quickly I wasn't a submissive.
But I also knew I took no pleasure in hurting people.
The theory behind inflicting pain is that it produces a sensation which tiggers the relese of, amongst other chemicals, endorphins which can give the sub a massive natural high (which sometimes reach such staggering heights that it induces in the sub a state known as subspace where the sub reaches a psudo-catatonic plane of conciousness. However, it is the stimulation and sensation that produces the release of endorphins and this can be acheived in ways other than inflicting severe pain. If a Dom is skilled enough he can acheive the same goal by mixing up the sensations to such a point that merely stroking the sensitised skin of, say, the inner thighs, of the sub will have the same effect on the senses as any number of skin tearing whacks with a steel rod.
So I spent a few months kind of wandering around not really knowing what to do next. Then I was fortunate to meet a lady who had been in the scene a long time and seen it all. After spending some time with her and explaining how I felt she eventually said oh, you're a Sensual Dom.
I'll admit it was a term I'd not come across previously but, as is my nature, I wnet home and started to study.
It soon became very clear to me that she was absolute;y right.
It was like a eureka moment for me, an epithany.
I became clear in my mind that that was the road I wanted to follow.
I was recommended a website containing the blog of a top guy called Dominant Soul. I read his work and got in touch with him and we were in regular contact until I left the scene.
It seems, to me, that some Doms within the community either do not know or do not care what it actually means to be a Dominant and the responsibity he has towards the well-being of his submissive who, by the way, has given him a precious gift. That is trust. He has been fortunate to find someone who is willing to give him her trust, which is a beautiful thing.
I saw too many instances where a Dom, again in my opinion and years of studying human nature, thought little of his submissive's safety and pleasure and too much of his own.
When a Dom is enjoying inflicting more pain than his sub enjoys then it ceases to be a power excange for the mutual pleasure and bliss of the people involved and becomes an exhibition of sadism and torture. It often demonstrates that the Dom has either not negotiated at all or has taken little notice during the period of negotiation and is going to do his own thing regardless.
My problem is that if I see or hear of something that I not only consider morally wrong but could actullay put someone in danger I find it difficult not to present my argument to them. And on occassion I did.
So eventually, about 2-3 years ago I grew tired of the whole thing. It wasn't just the attitude of a few bad Doms it was a variety of issues inside and outside of the comminity that led to me leaving.
When I know that a scene is on the horizon I make sure I prepare properly and both parties know what to expect.
As mentioned earlier, I will create a "script" of how I'd like it to go.
I will tell the sub the outline of the scene and the activities that will be involved.
We'll discuss it and if she's happy with it I ask if she wants to read the actual script so she knows in what order she will be experiencing the events.
I do say that anticipation definately adds to the sensastion.
The script can act as a mere guideline to ensure we leave nothing out or it can be followed closely. It depends on how things develop.
During playtime in between any periods of potential discomfort for the sub (flogging etc) I will ask (within the context of play) if everthing's ok, does she need a glass of water, has she any special requests.
I will tell her how well she's doing and how hot and sexy she looks (because she will)
Once play has ended I will make sure she feels warm, comfortable and safe.
I will ask if she would like to shower and afterwards I will use warm massaging wax to give her an all over sensual rub/massage.
She will then either feel so good she despearately wants sex or she'll contentedly nod off.
The choice will be entirely hers.
The most important things to a Sensual Dom (and to any Dom really) should be the earning of trust from his submissive and communication with his sub at all times.
The whole Dom/sub, Top/bottom scene is a massive subject and means different things to different people. It can really be whatever you want it to be.
Don't knw why I wrote all this crap but I did, so there
Antogs xx
Here's a totally gratuitous picture of a very happy sub