Anxiety and parties/clubs

[Deleted member 20900]

How fo you deal with anxiety when going to clubs and parties?


I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. There have been times it hasn’t been an issue and I have been able to fake being confident so I can get shit done (like being assertive at work ect)
From the very start of 2020 my anxiety has been really really bad. We managed to have a single night of fun with someone else in the hottub but I was recovering from pneumonia so I didn’t do much talking, which helped.

Now things have opened up again we want to go back out and explore the community more by going to clubs and parties.
We are going to a private party with a good friend on Saturday. I know I don’t have to play and I can just watch but that’s not the part that makes me anxious.

It’s the walking into the place and the talking being social. It feels like a huge ball of tension in my chest when I think about it. And I know that as we are getting ready and the. Driving to the party my anxiety will be so bad that I will want to cancel and just go back home.

BUT I want to swing, I really enjoy it and so does J. I don’t want my anxiety to stop me from doing something we enjoy.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Do you have any suggestions on how I can chill the fuck out without taking anxiety meds that make me struggle to O?

Gah! Even posting this is making me feel really anxious. I know if I let my anxiety stop me doing things it will just get worse and worse so I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

Sorry for the big ramble and probably too much information for one question.

 

[MaleMan]

I get real bad social anxiety and for traveling I aint been in the game long enough to give you solutions sorry but will await to hear what the more seasoned among us have to say on this .

 

[Ymichael14]

First, anxiety is normal.
Only a psycho could swing, at least at first, and not have anxiety.
Even the first time with someone you love causes anxiety.
So stop beating yourself up over it.
I have never done anything in this lifestyle, i expect to hyperventilate and die the first time i go to a club. I expect sex will be impossible on the first visit.
At least you have some experience with this lifestyle.
Remember, you are not alone, there is always somebody worse off than you.
There are a lot of things that can help, like a therapy session or relaxation techniques or mediation. you just have find what works.
My personal opinion is the meds just make you worse in the long run .
It is like getting drunk, the problem is still there in the morning and now you have the problem and a hang over.

 

[Pearls]

How fo you deal with anxiety when going to clubs and parties?


I have had anxiety for as long as I can remember. There have been times it hasn’t been an issue and I have been able to fake being confident so I can get shit done (like being assertive at work ect)
From the very start of 2020 my anxiety has been really really bad. We managed to have a single night of fun with someone else in the hottub but I was recovering from pneumonia so I didn’t do much talking, which helped.

Now things have opened up again we want to go back out and explore the community more by going to clubs and parties.
We are going to a private party with a good friend on Saturday. I know I don’t have to play and I can just watch but that’s not the part that makes me anxious.

It’s the walking into the place and the talking being social. It feels like a huge ball of tension in my chest when I think about it. And I know that as we are getting ready and the. Driving to the party my anxiety will be so bad that I will want to cancel and just go back home.

BUT I want to swing, I really enjoy it and so does J. I don’t want my anxiety to stop me from doing something we enjoy.

Does anyone else ever feel like this?
Do you have any suggestions on how I can chill the fuck out without taking anxiety meds that make me struggle to O?

Gah! Even posting this is making me feel really anxious. I know if I let my anxiety stop me doing things it will just get worse and worse so I am pushing myself out of my comfort zone.

Sorry for the big ramble and probably too much information for one question.

Who has the anxiety?

 

[Deleted member 20900]

Who has the anxiety?

Bee. I’m the one with the bad anxiety. Jay is as cool as a cucumber lol. Well he gets nervous about going to places but there’s a big difference in nervousness and anxiety x

 

[Deleted member 8095]

OK, anxiety is a normal response to a situation when we allow ourselves to overthink the negative thoughts surrounding that situation. When they come to and stay at the front of our minds unchecked they can typically turn into anxiety.
So let's think of the A.B.C model:
A - the trigger, what's triggering you
B - your belief or behaviour around that trigger
C - the outcome

So if the party is the trigger, what is it about the party that is causing you to become anxious?
What is your belief or behaviour around that trigger? Do you think you'll make a fool of yourself for example?
The above and how you think or behave will affect the outcome.
Have a look on the NHS website for some helpful hints and tips plus some CBT techniques that might help you.

Anxiety is normal, we cause/allow our own anxiety by letting our thoughts go unchecked, by taking back control we can lessen or stop our anxiety from controlling us BUT it does take practice.

(My apologies for the academic answer, this is what I'm studying at Uni!!)

 

[Deleted member 20900]

Thank you for your answer. I know the theory behind CBT but have not ever actually had any help with my Anxiety apart from some Diazepam off the dr when they realised antidepressants didn’t work.

It’s a very isolating feeling to be honest.

I am taking control of my anxiety by actually going to the party (and the many other things I do to push passed it every day) I won’t let it win but some days it’s one hell of a battle.
Bee

 

[Deleted member 8095]

Thank you for your answer. I know the theory behind CBT but have not ever actually had any help with my Anxiety apart from some Diazepam off the dr when they realised antidepressants didn’t work.

It’s a very isolating feeling to be honest.

I am taking control of my anxiety by actually going to the party (and the many other things I do to push passed it every day) I won’t let it win but some days it’s one hell of a battle.
Bee

Challenging your anxiety by going to the party is a huge step and one that should be applauded, I hope you can be proud of yourself for it. Well done xx

 

[Ymichael14]

Another thought, if possible, can you ease yourself into the party?
By that i mean, can you try a smaller group first?
Or maybe you can plan on not participating on your first visit. Im wondering if you would have less anxiety if the party you were going to was some kind of a meet others, but no sex party.
In other words, is it the party that causes the anxiety or the sex?
If somebody was being treated for a fear of snakes, they wouldn't be thrown into a snake pit. They would start by looking at photos, looking at snakes in cages, being near a loose snake , touching a snake,etc.
Not to play online psychiatrist, but sometimes we intentionally sabotage ourselves as a way of protecting ourselves or giving us what we think we deserve.
You force yourself to go to the party because you know you will panic at the party and not go in.
Sabotage is easier than facing our fears and you can do it subconsciously.
Another option would be to have your spouse tie you up, blindfold you, and carry you in. You wont have a choice of partners but the anxiety wont stop you and you get to survive the anxiety by blaming the spouse.
It is like letting your spouse get you drunk before you do something nasty then blame it on the spouse and alcohol. Even though you really wanted to do it.