Confidence

Pearls · 22 October 2021

After reading a large post yesterday about not getting anywhere in this scene it got me thinking about how your confidence being knocked effects people.
Have you had your confidence knocked?
It could be something small or big or a constant issue.

For me, I would say Pearls is a bit of a tough cookie and tbh when it comes to being online it takes a lot to knock me down ? but me personally, I think clubs are probably the worst breeding ground and I’m certainly not having a go at them but I remember a night where there were a few women that would look you up and down, kind of shrug you off as if you weren’t good enough. As if it was a tasting session. You naturally look at yourself to see if you’ve grown another head and think wtf like.

I suppose that’s mild but it does make you less confident at going.

Guys, I suppose you have more to tell so it would be good for others to see how you feel.

Over to you. ?

MP386 · 22 October 2021

Pearls said:
After reading a large post yesterday about not getting anywhere in this scene it got me thinking about how your confidence being knocked effects people.
Have you had your confidence knocked?
It could be something small or big or a constant issue.

For me, I would say Pearls is a bit of a tough cookie and tbh when it comes to being online it takes a lot to knock me down ? but me personally, I think clubs are probably the worst breeding ground and I’m certainly not having a go at them but I remember a night where there were a few women that would look you up and down, kind of shrug you off as if you weren’t good enough. As if it was a tasting session. You naturally look at yourself to see if you’ve grown another head and think wtf like.

I suppose that’s mild but it does make you less confident at going.

Guys, I suppose you have more to tell so it would be good for others to see how you feel.

Over to you. ?

So I’ve been doing this a while yes I’ve met many lovely people, but I’ve never been confident when it’s come to women , so being here does help that.
Clubs have always been the biggest challenge definitely agree with what you said , people look you up and down and blatantly ignore you … I’ve even had that with a “group / clique “ that claim to be the most social out there (not from here btw) you go to a club with someone from said clique ,actually pay for them to get in and then they proceed to ignore you for the rest of the night which was the same of all the women in it , a couple of the blokes did speak but if your ignored by the women it’s not great for the confidence.. case in point you sit down with someone try to get a conversation going and they turn their back on you to talk to others !
That’s happened on more than one occasion and at a social from here at the VA a few years ago …
Clubs always are confidence knockers in my experience which is why I don’t often go … I always come away feeling why do I bother and I’m not doing that again ….. (until the next time and I go through the same shit again) ..
Then there is the question of people answering mail , again not so much here … you take the time to message someone for it to be deleted without reply .., usual excuse I get so much I can’t answer it all !
This is swinging why does it always have to be the bloke messages first…I know it’s the normal thing but surely women look and think he’s not half bad , but do they message ? No …
There’s more crap that comes with some considering this a competition as well , when all that happens it just isn’t fun anymore and make me think do I need this online grief anymore ….
There is probably more but I’ve rambled on long enough …

Pearls · 22 October 2021

MP386 said:
So I’ve been doing this a while yes I’ve met many lovely people, but I’ve never been confident when it’s come to women , so being here does help that.
Clubs have always been the biggest challenge definitely agree with what you said , people look you up and down and blatantly ignore you … I’ve even had that with a “group / clique “ that claim to be the most social out there (not from here btw) you go to a club with someone from said clique ,actually pay for them to get in and then they proceed to ignore you for the rest of the night which was the same of all the women in it , a couple of the blokes did speak but if your ignored by the women it’s not great for the confidence.. case in point you sit down with someone try to get a conversation going and they turn their back on you to talk to others !
That’s happened on more than one occasion and at a social from here at the VA a few years ago …
Clubs always are confidence knockers in my experience which is why I don’t often go … I always come away feeling why do I bother and I’m not doing that again ….. (until the next time and I go through the same shit again) ..
Then there is the question of people answering mail , again not so much here … you take the time to message someone for it to be deleted without reply .., usual excuse I get so much I can’t answer it all !
This is swinging why does it always have to be the bloke messages first…I know it’s the normal thing but surely women look and think he’s not half bad , but do they message ? No …
There’s more crap that comes with some considering this a competition as well , when all that happens it just isn’t fun anymore and make me think do I need this online grief anymore ….
There is probably more but I’ve rambled on long enough …

Good point about messaging especially when we are supposed to be all equal. If a lady joins then why doesn’t she message if she’s interested? They can’t do that though can they! Wait for all the poor sods to message and pick what she wants.. Sorry to ladies but it’s true. Not all but most. Men always get bad press which as you know fucks me right off but some women!
As for socials. I agree ? lamb to slaughter comes to mind if you’re face don’t fit ?

Skippy01 · 22 October 2021

My confidence was hanging by a thread last year.
At clubs I tend to get ignored until towards the end of the night. But because of what I go to clubs for, this does suit me, but it does sting sometimes, when I overthink something. Online gets to me more. Little things play on my mind, and I start feeling like a back up plan, rather than an option. It's better on here because i'm now starting to get that other site's mentality out of my head, and work on my people skills,which has helped build up my confidence. But even on here there has been a couple of things, that through my own fault, have made me feel quite shit about myself and question if it's worth it now x

Pearls · 22 October 2021

Skippy01 said:
My confidence was hanging by a thread last year.
At clubs I tend to get ignored until towards the end of the night. But because of what I go to clubs for, this does suit me, but it does sting sometimes, when I overthink something. Online gets to me more. Little things play on my mind, and I start feeling like a back up plan, rather than an option. It's better on here because i'm now starting to get that other site's mentality out of my head, and work on my people skills,which has helped build up my confidence. But even on here there has been a couple of things, that through my own fault, have made me feel quite shit about myself and question if it's worth it now x

I got one of these

Deleted member 11852 · 22 October 2021

I've got no confidence in myself at all.. Not because of anyone on here just me.. I'm definitely my own worst critic.. I can't stand what I see in the mirror so in my head I'm thinking if I can't bear what I see how can anyone else find it attractive.. I overthink everything.. If we meet a single lady or a couple would she be happy with what I do,,, would she enjoy it... This is probably the reason I don't have much interaction with single ladies.. The main reason is me.. I see the media they have and automatically think no point in bothering there's plenty of men on here much better looking than me so why would they want to meet us.. Now Mrs h has a lot more confidence especially since being on here but I'm the complete opposite.... . W.. ??

MaleMan · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
I've got no confidence in myself at all.. Not because of anyone on here just me.. I'm definitely my own worst critic.. I can't stand what I see in the mirror so in my head I'm thinking if I can't bear what I see how can anyone else find it attractive.. I overthink everything.. If we meet a single lady or a couple would she be happy with what I do,,, would she enjoy it... This is probably the reason I don't have much interaction with single ladies.. The main reason is me.. I see the media they have and automatically think no point in bothering there's plenty of men on here much better looking than me so why would they want to meet us.. Now Mrs h has a lot more confidence especially since being on here but I'm the complete opposite.... . W.. ??

You're a handsome fella, though I'm not a single lady hope this counts

Pearls · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
I've got no confidence in myself at all.. Not because of anyone on here just me.. I'm definitely my own worst critic.. I can't stand what I see in the mirror so in my head I'm thinking if I can't bear what I see how can anyone else find it attractive.. I overthink everything.. If we meet a single lady or a couple would she be happy with what I do,,, would she enjoy it... This is probably the reason I don't have much interaction with single ladies.. The main reason is me.. I see the media they have and automatically think no point in bothering there's plenty of men on here much better looking than me so why would they want to meet us.. Now Mrs h has a lot more confidence especially since being on here but I'm the complete opposite.... . W.. ??

so take yourself outside and give yourself a slap you should never think you’re not good enough, change how you think and you’ll be surprised by how your confidence will grow?

Deleted member 11852 · 22 October 2021

Pearls said:
so take yourself outside and give yourself a slap you should never think you’re not good enough, change how you think and you’ll be surprised by how your confidence will grow?

I really struggle to change the way I think.. Maybe everyone struggles with certain things.. This is another reason most of my pics look the same.. I'm paranoid about showing certain parts of me.. I've had this problem for the last 8 years or so.... W... ??

Pearls · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
I really struggle to change the way I think.. Maybe everyone struggles with certain things.. This is another reason most of my pics look the same.. I'm paranoid about showing certain parts of me.. I've had this problem for the last 8 years or so.... W... ??

we all struggle yes definitely but we have the choice to change how we think even if we can’t change anything else but we can also cheat. For example, you’ll never see my tummy. I won’t show it. I can disguise it though, the photo of me in a white shirt at the table, I’m sitting down because it disguises my tummy, standing up would have me looking like a ball on sticks ?.
Take a photo, or get M too, sitting down wearing a shirt, not formal, play around with angles.
Once you see yourself in a different angle and find that you’ve got the right shot, you will see and change how you think. It’ll all of a sudden go wow, I don’t look too bad there, I like that.
And that’s the key, you have to like it. If you like it then you’ll feel instant confidence. ???

Deleted member 11852 · 22 October 2021

Pearls said:
we all struggle yes definitely but we have the choice to change how we think even if we can’t change anything else but we can also cheat. For example, you’ll never see my tummy. I won’t show it. I can disguise it though, the photo of me in a white shirt at the table, I’m sitting down because it disguises my tummy, standing up would have me looking like a ball on sticks ?.
Take a photo, or get M too, sitting down wearing a shirt, not formal, play around with angles.
Once you see yourself in a different angle and find that you’ve got the right shot, you will see and change how you think. It’ll all of a sudden go wow, I don’t look too bad there, I like that.
And that’s the key, you have to like it. If you like it then you’ll feel instant confidence. ???

Yes I get all that but when you arrange meets there's no camera angle to hide behind.. It's all there on show and that's where I have the problem.. It's just seems easier to avoid the situation altogether..... W.. ?

Deleted member 11852 · 22 October 2021

Since being on the site my confidence has grown quite a bit. Comparing my pics from when we first came on till now I can see a difference. I am starting to feel more sexy and I think the pics show that sometimes. I still lack some confidence on a meet because that’s when someone else gets to see all your bits lol. But the people on here are so lovely and genuine that when you meet that insecurity disappears quite quickly xxxx M ???

Stew · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
Yes I get all that but when you arrange meets there's no camera angle to hide behind.. It's all there on show and that's where I have the problem.. It's just seems easier to avoid the situation altogether..... W.. ?

There is an old saying, never judge a book by its cover my friend !
Anyone that is worth consorting with sees past your image issues and reaches the great guy in there !

Pearls · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
Yes I get all that but when you arrange meets there's no camera angle to hide behind.. It's all there on show and that's where I have the problem.. It's just seems easier to avoid the situation altogether..... W.. ?

just try it, we’re not talking about meets right now, this is about building confidence. Once you start that building, getting to meets will be different. Trust me on this, little steps to build that confidence, forget meets a min, this is about you. X

Stew · 22 October 2021

A lot of the bad press comes from people wrong lol reading body language it’s a very fine line between appearing confident and looking arrogant!
I’ve got quite a train wreck of a body but I learned the hard way just be yourself it pays off in the long run

Deleted member 11852 · 22 October 2021

Stew said:
There is an old saying, never judge a book by its cover my friend !
Anyone that is worth consorting with sees past your image issues and reaches the great guy in there !

Thank you stew.. W.. ???

Stew · 22 October 2021

Welshcouple59 said:
Thank you stew.. W.. ???

No thanks required mate you are one of the good guys !

TherLegs · 23 October 2021

It's not so much about having my confidence knocked although that has happened at times when I've been rejected, it's more my own insecurity. As an old wrinky git, going into clubs can be a bit daunting given most people are a lot younger than me and I do get the impression at times that some would prefer it if I wasn't there. I'm also concious of my body in comparison to some the younger guys, I guess it's not great but it is who I am and there isn't a lot I can do about it. However as with everyone else what I might lack I make up for in other ways so it's not all bad.

Ymichael14 · 24 October 2021

Why do i feel like i started this thread?
Weird.

Ymichael14 · 24 October 2021

Confidence , when it comes to something you cant fix, like getting older, is a tough thing.
All you can do is avoid those who have a problem with it.
As long as i keep finding amateur porn with people who are a lot older, fatter and uglier than me, i will always feel good about how i look.
But, when i was a young man i got psoriasis. A skin condition that causes, red itchy ,scaly patches.
I thought no woman would ever go near me. I would only show small spots at a time. I quickly learned they didn't care. Well, normal women didn't care.
Now, you cant even see it, finally controlled with meds.
But, it definitely caused a problem with confidence.

Ymichael14 · 24 October 2021

Skippy01 said:
My confidence was hanging by a thread last year.
At clubs I tend to get ignored until towards the end of the night. But because of what I go to clubs for, this does suit me, but it does sting sometimes, when I overthink something. Online gets to me more. Little things play on my mind, and I start feeling like a back up plan, rather than an option. It's better on here because i'm now starting to get that other site's mentality out of my head, and work on my people skills,which has helped build up my confidence. But even on here there has been a couple of things, that through my own fault, have made me feel quite shit about myself and question if it's worth it now x

First, can i ask what this other site is that everyone talks about, but wont mention the name?
It seems like everyone on here has been traumatized by them.
Second, we humans tend to make ourselves fail. If you are honest with yourself and admit you cant compete with those who are younger, thinner, taller, whatever, and seek those who are in the same class as you, you wont get rejected.
By going to a club where you know you are picked last, you get hurt.
But if you went to where the people your age and build are and think no one wants them, you will find people just like you .i have no idea if you are doing this, it is just a suggestion to consider. Many people have intentionally set themselves up to fail with out realizing it
I know there are guys younger and thinner and than me, but i know odds are the perfect women want those guys and not me.
So i would gladly take an older woman. We all age. It sucks, but we do

Skippy01 · 24 October 2021

Ymichael14 said:
First, can i ask what this other site is that everyone talks about, but wont mention the name?
It seems like everyone on here has been traumatized by them.
Second, we humans tend to make ourselves fail. If you are honest with yourself and admit you cant compete with those who are younger, thinner, taller, whatever, and seek those who are in the same class as you, you wont get rejected.
By going to a club where you know you are picked last, you get hurt.
But if you went to where the people your age and build are and think no one wants them, you will find people just like you .i have no idea if you are doing this, it is just a suggestion to consider. Many people have intentionally set themselves up to fail with out realizing it
I know there are guys younger and thinner and than me, but i know odds are the perfect women want those guys and not me.
So i would gladly take an older woman. We all age. It sucks, but we do

It's a good job it was last year my confidence was hanging by a thread, because this post would have cut the cord.
Same class as me? Same age and build? I can't compete with younger, taller, thinner?
I'd like to know from my few passing comments I made on this thread, you came up with, that I intentionally fail, as I go to places where i can't get people, because i'm not in their class?. I'm 36 btw. I'm in the younger age range of any regular club attendees.

Ymichael14 · 25 October 2021

Skippy01 said:
It's a good job it was last year my confidence was hanging by a thread, because this post would have cut the cord.
Same class as me? Same age and build? I can't compete with younger, taller, thinner?
I'd like to know from my few passing comments I made on this thread, you came up with, that I intentionally fail, as I go to places where i can't get people, because i'm not in their class?. I'm 36 btw. I'm in the younger age range of any regular club attendees.

I do not know you.
I dont think i have visited your profile or seen any of your photos, or if i have, i dont remember.
I have no idea what your age or build is.
I did not mean to offend you.
My comment was based on your comments, such as "At clubs I tend to get ignored until towards the end of the night".
Which i took to mean you felt like you were being ignored because of your age or height or weight , etc.
Obviously, i misunderstood and i am sorry.

Skippy01 · 25 October 2021

Ymichael14 said:
I do not know you.
I dont think i have visited your profile or seen any of your photos, or if i have, i dont remember.
I have no idea what your age or build is.
I did not mean to offend you.
My comment was based on your comments, such as "At clubs I tend to get ignored until towards the end of the night".
Which i took to mean you felt like you were being ignored because of your age or height or weight , etc.
Obviously, i misunderstood and i am sorry.

That was a pretty big leap to make then, considering you don't know anything about me. I appreciate that you thought you were offering insightful reasoning into my issues, but if you knew anything about me you would know it's not that much of an issue in the first place.
I tend to get ignored because I spend most of my nights at clubs, walking around, feeling up curtains and checking walls. I don't go to clubs to get "picked" I go to watch. Sometimes (rarely), when i've had a drink, I think why did these normal people not come and talk to me, while I was sat in a corner, making no effort whatsoever to look approachable. I overthink for about an hour, then I forget about it. The same as anything else, that plays on my mind. I give my head a wobble, remind myself that it's all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, because most of it is my own fault. Then I go back to being my "middle aged" chubby self ?.
The " different class " comment is the part I had issue with. I am chubby and short lol there is no getting around that.So I can't be mad at you for pointing out the obvious.Although probably not the best idea to point that out at all. But that doesn't put me in another class as the gym bunnies and hunks. They're not special because they look better.
My confidence is not based on my looks, weight or age. It's my personality and social skills that let me down. I'm a knobhead, that makes her own problems basically ? x

MP386 · 25 October 2021

Skippy01 said:
That was a pretty big leap to make then, considering you don't know anything about me. I appreciate that you thought you were offering insightful reasoning into my issues, but if you knew anything about me you would know it's not that much of an issue in the first place.
I tend to get ignored because I spend most of my nights at clubs, walking around, feeling up curtains and checking walls. I don't go to clubs to get "picked" I go to watch. Sometimes (rarely), when i've had a drink, I think why did these normal people not come and talk to me, while I was sat in a corner, making no effort whatsoever to look approachable. I overthink for about an hour, then I forget about it. The same as anything else, that plays on my mind. I give my head a wobble, remind myself that it's all irrelevant in the grand scheme of things, because most of it is my own fault. Then I go back to being my "middle aged" chubby self ?.
The " different class " comment is the part I had issue with. I am chubby and short lol there is no getting around that.So I can't be mad at you for pointing out the obvious.Although probably not the best idea to point that out at all. But that doesn't put me in another class as the gym bunnies and hunks. They're not special because they look better.
My confidence is not based on my looks, weight or age. It's my personality and social skills that let me down. I'm a knobhead, that makes her own problems basically ? x

You go around feeling up curtains and walls in clubs ?you never know what’s on them or any of the other furnishings either ?

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