I decided to write this post as there seems to be a lot of confusion, as prevalent within the BDSM community as outside regarding what constitutes a Dom and what constitutes a Top.
In my opinion a lot of this confusion is caused by the casual use of the word Dom (or Dominant).
I'll try to keep this brief as (and I'm sure many people would testify to it) once I get on a roll I can find it difficult to stop
If I feel people would like to know more then I'd be happy to write a full-scale article as it's actually a very complex subject.
With the massive proliferation of people investigating the world of BDSM since the release of the Fifty Shades series has come an equal proliferation of people calling themselves Doms (the same goes equally for submissives).
Lots of people now indulge in various BDSM activities with no prior experience or knowledge. And as long as people are safe this is a great thing.
Many people are experiencing a new zest in their sex lives which is healthy and will more often than not improve their lives in general with their loved ones.
What most of these "newcomers" don't realise is that to become a Dom it takes more than just tying someone down and spanking their behinds. Great fun though that is it doesn't make you a Dom. It makes you a Top and the person calling themselves a submissive is a Bottom.
To be a Dom means to take on responsibility for the well-being of your submissive and authority over any sexual activity that takes place with his submissive. This can be extended as far as the people involved want it to be. Ultimately it can become a TPE (total power exchange) relationship where the dominant assumes total control over his submissives life. But for the sake of this post I'll keep it to a D/s relationship that is restricted to sex.
I'll give a very brief example.
Oral sex.
Vanilla couples indulge in oral sex purely for pleasure.
In a D's relationship, a Dominant can use oral sex as a means of exerting authority. a power exchange. HE will decide when the oral sex takes place, HE will decide how long it will last, HE will decide if his submissive will be allowed to orgasm or not.
Conversely, a Top and his Bottom (stop sniggering) may well negotiate and decide that at a certain point in the "scene" they're creating oral sex will occur. There's no power exchange.
Having a flogger and giving someone a flogging does not, in itself, make you a Dom. Without responsibility, power exchange and authority it makes you a Top. A Dom doing the same actions will be a Dominant AND a Top.
As I've said, there's an awful lot more to it.
Of course, if you like to give your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or whoever the occasional spanking I personally don't care if you call yourself a Dom or anything else. I'm merely pointing out the "technicalities" of the world of BDSM.
The more observant will may have noticed that in a previous post I mentioned that a number of years ago I considered myself a Sensual Dom but grew tired of certain aspects of the BDSM community and, unless by some miracle I found an extraordinary woman who wanted to be my submissive (only for the sexual aspect of a D/s relationship. I no longer want any more responsibility than that) then I am very content to be a Top and simply enjoy the freedom that gives to simply have a great time.
I hope I've not pissed on anyone's chips and if I have then let's hope a good debate ensues.
I don't claim to be an expert. I don't even claim to be right. But this is my opinion
Love, peace and damn good spanking to you all
Antogs xx
In my opinion a lot of this confusion is caused by the casual use of the word Dom (or Dominant).
I'll try to keep this brief as (and I'm sure many people would testify to it) once I get on a roll I can find it difficult to stop
If I feel people would like to know more then I'd be happy to write a full-scale article as it's actually a very complex subject.With the massive proliferation of people investigating the world of BDSM since the release of the Fifty Shades series has come an equal proliferation of people calling themselves Doms (the same goes equally for submissives).
Lots of people now indulge in various BDSM activities with no prior experience or knowledge. And as long as people are safe this is a great thing.
Many people are experiencing a new zest in their sex lives which is healthy and will more often than not improve their lives in general with their loved ones.
What most of these "newcomers" don't realise is that to become a Dom it takes more than just tying someone down and spanking their behinds. Great fun though that is it doesn't make you a Dom. It makes you a Top and the person calling themselves a submissive is a Bottom.
To be a Dom means to take on responsibility for the well-being of your submissive and authority over any sexual activity that takes place with his submissive. This can be extended as far as the people involved want it to be. Ultimately it can become a TPE (total power exchange) relationship where the dominant assumes total control over his submissives life. But for the sake of this post I'll keep it to a D/s relationship that is restricted to sex.
I'll give a very brief example.
Oral sex.
Vanilla couples indulge in oral sex purely for pleasure.
In a D's relationship, a Dominant can use oral sex as a means of exerting authority. a power exchange. HE will decide when the oral sex takes place, HE will decide how long it will last, HE will decide if his submissive will be allowed to orgasm or not.
Conversely, a Top and his Bottom (stop sniggering) may well negotiate and decide that at a certain point in the "scene" they're creating oral sex will occur. There's no power exchange.
Having a flogger and giving someone a flogging does not, in itself, make you a Dom. Without responsibility, power exchange and authority it makes you a Top. A Dom doing the same actions will be a Dominant AND a Top.
As I've said, there's an awful lot more to it.
Of course, if you like to give your wife, girlfriend, boyfriend or whoever the occasional spanking I personally don't care if you call yourself a Dom or anything else. I'm merely pointing out the "technicalities" of the world of BDSM.
The more observant will may have noticed that in a previous post I mentioned that a number of years ago I considered myself a Sensual Dom but grew tired of certain aspects of the BDSM community and, unless by some miracle I found an extraordinary woman who wanted to be my submissive (only for the sexual aspect of a D/s relationship. I no longer want any more responsibility than that) then I am very content to be a Top and simply enjoy the freedom that gives to simply have a great time.
I hope I've not pissed on anyone's chips and if I have then let's hope a good debate ensues.
I don't claim to be an expert. I don't even claim to be right. But this is my opinion
Love, peace and damn good spanking to you all
Antogs xx
