Is it a relationship?

[Deleted member 9925]

Ok so recently our lifestyle has changed slightly whereas in the past we met people mainly couples had some social fun and sex or randomly met people in clubs and then if we spoke it was a group chat with everyone involved. However recently we have both been meeting the same people quite frequently occasionally as a foursome, sometimes as a threesome and other times completely separately and talking to each other directly not in a group chat. At what point does it become more than just sex? We have decided that we are in relationships with the other people however we are still each other's priority. It's entirely new for us and we have had a few bumps in the road but at what point do you think it changes
And yes we still visit clubs just less frequently

 

[Looby&Lew]

We too are in a similar place.... I'm not quite sure how you would define it. Our priority is always to each other. I kind of define it as sex with a great connection and attraction. However it is still very much no strings attached and we can all walk away at any point in time if that's what we want to do. I suppose the point at which it has a bearing on your day to day life and you have additional people to consider in your plans for me may be the point at which you describe it as a relationship.... I honestly don't know the answer but we are not at that point and I don't want to be either xx

 

[Connie john]

If you feel you are getting to close then take a break away from people you have played with, if you see no wrong in meeting them away from your partner then you may need to look at your own relationship, as we think swinging is a couples thing something we do together, but hey your own feelings will let you know. ccj

 

[Wkd n whisky]

We have a very close relationship with a couple but we only do group chat and meet together as a foursome only occasionally doing separate rooms. We have had vanilla time also with all of us and chat everyday also.

 

[Pearls]

We have a very close relationship with a couple but we only do group chat and meet together as a foursome only occasionally doing separate rooms. We have had vanilla time also with all of us and chat everyday also.

This is it, if you keep things together as a couple and share everything then there isn't a problem, as soon as it becomes a separate thing where one or both are chatting with others or meeting without their partner I think problems may arise.
Couples should share everything together, that is why you are a unit. Sadly it doesn't always happen like this.

 

[Looby&Lew]

Ok so recently our lifestyle has changed slightly whereas in the past we met people mainly couples had some social fun and sex or randomly met people in clubs and then if we spoke it was a group chat with everyone involved. However recently we have both been meeting the same people quite frequently occasionally as a foursome, sometimes as a threesome and other times completely separately and talking to each other directly not in a group chat. At what point does it become more than just sex? We have decided that we are in relationships with the other people however we are still each other's priority. It's entirely new for us and we have had a few bumps in the road but at what point do you think it changes
And yes we still visit clubs just less frequently

I should just add to this that we do chat separately but it is on the basis that at any given point messages can be read by either of us. There is a lot of trust between us and I appreciate that x

 

[Looby&Lew]

If you feel you are getting to close then take a break away from people you have played with, if you see no wrong in meeting them away from your partner then you may need to look at your own relationship, as we think swinging is a couples thing something we do together, but hey your own feelings will let you know. ccj

Playing in a singular way can also be a couples thing. It may well fulfil a particular kink or need for the other partner so I wouldn't discount solo play as not being a couples thing. I suppose what I'm saying is it's horses for courses xx

 

[Pearls]

Playing in a singular way can also be a couples thing. It may well fulfil a particular kink or need for the other partner so I wouldn't discount solo play as not being a couples thing. I suppose what I'm saying is it's horses for courses xx

I agree, we know of many couples that meet on their own for many reasons, not for us but as you horses for courses but this is about how far do you go before it's a relationship, I think you have to have a very solid relationship and have 100% trust or it could go Pete Tong

 

[Deleted member 9925]

I should just add to this that we do chat separately but it is on the basis that at any given point messages can be read by either of us. There is a lot of trust between us and I appreciate that x

We do this too

To those that say this isn't a couples thing we would have said the same two months ago so never say never

 

[Looby&Lew]

I agree, we know of many couples that meet on their own for many reasons, not for us but as you horses for courses but this is about how far do you go before it's a relationship, I think you have to have a very solid relationship and have 100% trust or it could go Pete Tong

I agree. On the odd occasion where things have felt strained then we have taken a step back and reassessed.

 

[Looby&Lew]

We do this too

To those that say this isn't a couples thing we would have said the same two months ago so never say never

This is never where we envisaged being either..

 

[Deleted member 8095]

We've had an experience with this, it became a relationship of sorts, we met a couple, agreed to play exclusively with each other, enjoyed getting to know each other, moved into playing solo, but it went pete tong, the other lady "called time" and walked away, refusing to give any real explanation as to why !
It was fun and can be really good fun exploring that dynamic but when it goes wrong, it can literally explode in your face and the fall out can be astronomical, as in our case, when 1 person doesn't want to play anymore, that's it game over.

 

[Looby&Lew]

We've had an experience with this, it became a relationship of sorts, we met a couple, agreed to play exclusively with each other, enjoyed getting to know each other, moved into playing solo, but it went pete tong, the other lady "called time" and walked away, refusing to give any real explanation as to why !
It was fun and can be really good fun exploring that dynamic but when it goes wrong, it can literally explode in your face and the fall out can be astronomical, as in our case, when 1 person doesn't want to play anymore, that's it game over.

I have to say that for us exclusivity is not a requirement to this regular meeting aspect. Maybe this is another element that determines whether it is a relationship or not... we have never asked or been asked for exclusivity. It is firmly in the no strings attached section xx

 

[DiamondJoe]

Irrespective of whether or not everyone is truly adult about the situation and respects pre-existing relationships, it is difficult not to get to know someone/some people intimately, get on with each other and still remain totally detached.

Depends on what you really want and how honest you are with yourself

 

[Deleted member 8095]

I have to say that for us exclusivity is not a requirement to this regular meeting aspect. Maybe this is another element that determines whether it is a relationship or not... we have never asked or been asked for exclusivity. It is firmly in the no strings attached section xx

The exclusivity was something we all wanted tbh, but as time went on it got harder to remain positive about the situation, it was an experience and one that has toughened us both up, so for that I'm glad !
At the end of the day though as you say, it's different strokes for different folks

 

[Looby&Lew]

The exclusivity was something we all wanted tbh, but as time went on it got harder to remain positive about the situation, it was an experience and one that has toughened us both up, so for that I'm glad !
At the end of the day though as you say, it's different strokes for different folks

It's like a lot experiences in this lifestyle you have to 'suck it and see'

If you don't try it how do you know it's not right for you? At least you've come out the other side with only a few battle scars x

 

[Vanezza]

This is not something we would ever do hense if it is not same room play with all of us then it does not happen. Made a bad mistake once and its not something I would ever repeat again but we have come out of it ok but we lost out a bit too.

Vxxx

 

[Deleted member 3411]

We have always hoped to form a sort of relationship with a single lady or couples, but always a connection and mutual understanding but never a commitment. There's a difference between relating and commiting. I think the acid test is does any involvement give rise to conflicts of interest or concerns. For me Ste one of the joys of this life is getting turned on by or with another and wanted her to know and witness and vice versa, if it ever got secretive that would be the time to call a halt to the relationship or even swinging itself.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Irrespective of whether or not everyone is truly adult about the situation and respects pre-existing relationships, it is difficult not to get to know someone/some people intimately, get on with each other and still remain totally detached.

Depends on what you really want and how honest you are with yourself

Case in point: I've known a guy for 4-5 years. The original married man. We only ever met once as geography and circumstance have conspired to make it difficult to meet again. But we always stay in touch. Both of us have separate, formal relationships and children but we meet on an instinctive level.

The bedrock of this 'relationship' is the unvarnished truth - we both understand how the other thinks and lying is not an option. Instead there is a space for total, brutal honesty about anything. It's terrifying and exhilarating.

Spent 3hrs talking last night about his upcoming custody hearing.

Just a very particular type of friendship.

I can't figure it out and I've given up trying.

It is what it is.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Case in point: I've known a guy for 4-5 years. The original married man. We only ever met once as geography and circumstance have conspired to make it difficult to meet again. But we always stay in touch. Both of us have separate, formal relationships and children but we meet on an instinctive level.

The bedrock of this 'relationship' is the unvarnished truth - we both understand how the other thinks and lying is not an option. Instead there is a space for total, brutal honesty about anything. It's terrifying and exhilarating.

Spent 3hrs talking last night about his upcoming custody hearing.

Just a very particular type of friendship.

I can't figure it out and I've given up trying.

It is what it is.

It is an on-going relationship, just one that has developed rules to not impinge on any other relationships.

 

[DiamondJoe]

It is an on-going relationship, just one that has developed rules to not impinge on any other relationships.

But it's like talking to another me. That's the freaky bit.

I'm going to stop blathering...

 

[Deleted member 1030]

it's like talking to another me. That's the freaky bit.

I can imagine! Two DJs??



Although, actually...... :hmm:

 

[DiamondJoe]

I can imagine! Two DJs??



Although, actually...... :hmm:

Yeah, tell me about it.

I've walked through life being confined to a minority of one and, quite by accident, run into this chap. First three days we were astounding each other with the co-oncidences in circumstance, outlook, thought patterns and experiences. Think it was 1,500 txts in the first month.

I mean, there are differences, he's 10 years younger for instance, but the scale of the similarities is startling. It's like staring into a freaky mirror that talks back.

Very strange.

 

[DiamondJoe]

Yeah, tell me about it.

I've walked through life being confined to a minority of one and, quite by accident, run into this chap. First three days we were astounding each other with the co-oncidences in circumstance, outlook, thought patterns and experiences. Think it was 1,500 txts in the first month.

I mean, there are differences, he's 10 years younger for instance, but the scale of the similarities is startling. It's like staring into a freaky mirror that talks back.

Very strange.

So we provide a very particular type of emotional support for each other - that stuff you can't tell other people 'cos it's too crazy/awful/serious/shocking/difficult.

When one calls the other it's 50-50 - will it be something very good or very bad?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

So we provide a very particular type of emotional support for each other - that stuff you can't tell other people 'cos it's too crazy/awful/serious/shocking/difficult.

When one calls the other it's 50-50 - will it be something very good or very bad?

That's actually quite a special bond to have if you ask me.