Biggest Fear

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Deleted member 3411

Ok this one is a bit tricky and will be a bit tricky to answer...
Having read the article including an interview with our illustrious hosts I was struck by the comments about needing to be secretive. So what is your biggest fear from the possibility of it getting out of the bag that you are a swinger? Both of my parents are now sadly deceased and there are very few people in my family group but I feel they need to hide it from, I think perhaps my job might have problems but in all fairness I don't consider a job to be that important and anyway in some ways I think it's none of their business what I do during off working hours. No actually my biggest fear are close friends. This side of our relationship is something that L and I have kept from close friends as we do not have that kind of relationship with any of them. Our swinging life is our other life and we did not want the two getting confused. I'm quite sure that one or two of my friends especially will avoid talking to us if it ever came up what we get up to on the weekends when not with them.
I appreciate your answers will have to consider not giving away anything that might risk your own privacy just give it some thought as to how you answer.
 
14 February 2017
859
3,224
City
London
I'm probably the wrong person to give input, as I pretty much have no fear if anyone finds out.

I have no vanilla friends as got rid of them all in the early years once they suspected.

My family and I are not on speaking terms (very religious upbringing, they still believe no sex before marriage therefore being unmarried in their eyes I am a virgin).

My boss at work knows as I'm a rubbish liar and couldn't explain to her the pattern of one day "long weekend" holidays without simply coming out with it.

Even the police know as I had to get them involved when a particulaly nasty individual wouldnt take no for an answer and assumed I wouldn't tell on him for fear of people knowing. He was wrong.
 
D

Deleted member 6485

The only ones i fear knowing about my lifestyle choices are my parents (they simply wouldn't understand), my younger kids (my 18yr old knows), and my ex husband (as he still makes my life hellish as it is) xx
 
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D

Deleted member 3411

The only ones i fear knowing about my lifestyle choices are my parents (they simply wouldn't understand), my younger kids (my 18yr old knows), and my ex husband (as he still makes my life hellish as it is) xx
Before I started on the lifestyle I talked many times to two women who were swingers, one in Canada and another here in England both of whom had daughters who were swingers also. Both had told their daughters what they were doing because their daughters had also show an interest in swinging, so they came out of them so that they could organise to never be the same party at the same time whoever have the mishap of sharing lovers.
As far as I'm aware no one in our Private Life is likely to turn up at an event or Club and become a surprise but there's one or two freinds and acquaintances I either wouldn't be surprised and one in particular I would be very happy to find across the room... even though I think it's unlikely.
What I've said above though does go to show how sometimes honesty is important even with those close to you.
 
D

Deleted member 11094

Interesting to see what people feel about this.
I have close friends and then different groups of friends outside that. There are certain friends who know about my past threesomes and my interest in certain kink stuff. In fact I am still close friends with those I had threesome with. I also have friends from the kink community, they are really open and accepting. However, it isn't something I share with everyone I know and am friends with, nor do I share details with my whole family.

It isn't a fear of people knowing, because even if people found out, it isn't something I would feel embarrassed or ashamed about. Currently it would have no impact on my job as I work for myself. But, in the future it might. It is about understanding that the majority of people cannot get their heads around it, so I like to leave things to their imagination and not give them much to go by if they ask and are intrigued - Or say mind your own business if they get too much.

It is hard enough for some people to get their heads around bisexuality and pansexuality. That is something I am really open about and talk to people if they ask questions. But to talk about being into things that do not fit into our social-norms often brings ignorant reactions and confusion, sometimes even envy and hatred. Especially when discussing non-monogamous behaviours, kink, group stuff, and more.

If my mum was still here, she would know. She would in-fact be happy, as she was very much into supporting her children's happiness and wanting them to be comfortable in their own sexualities and life choices. She was accepting of the alternative lifestyles in her own way, she let me and my gf live there with her and knew about our threesome occasions. Totally chilled about it. She would also be easy to talk to about anything, because in her eyes she wanted me to be safe and understood the fluidity of my sexuality. So from a young age I knew that I could talk to her about anything because she made it a safe space. An important lesson from my mum was that not everyone deserves to know your story, because some people will use that against you, it is too colourful for them, it is too much for them, and if they do try to use things against you don't give them the power to do so. Confront them head-on and realise that your own power is far greater than any close minded fuck-faces. Whether they are your born-into family, your community, or other people around you.
 
D

Deleted member 6485

Interesting to see what people feel about this.
I have close friends and then different groups of friends outside that. There are certain friends who know about my past threesomes and my interest in certain kink stuff. In fact I am still close friends with those I had threesome with. I also have friends from the kink community, they are really open and accepting. However, it isn't something I share with everyone I know and am friends with, nor do I share details with my whole family.

It isn't a fear of people knowing, because even if people found out, it isn't something I would feel embarrassed or ashamed about. Currently it would have no impact on my job as I work for myself. But, in the future it might. It is about understanding that the majority of people cannot get their heads around it, so I like to leave things to their imagination and not give them much to go by if they ask and are intrigued - Or say mind your own business if they get too much.

It is hard enough for some people to get their heads around bisexuality and pansexuality. That is something I am really open about and talk to people if they ask questions. But to talk about being into things that do not fit into our social-norms often brings ignorant reactions and confusion, sometimes even envy and hatred. Especially when discussing non-monogamous behaviours, kink, group stuff, and more.

If my mum was still here, she would know. She would in-fact be happy, as she was very much into supporting her children's happiness and wanting them to be comfortable in their own sexualities and life choices. She was accepting of the alternative lifestyles in her own way, she let me and my gf live there with her and knew about our threesome occasions. Totally chilled about it. She would also be easy to talk to about anything, because in her eyes she wanted me to be safe and understood the fluidity of my sexuality. So from a young age I knew that I could talk to her about anything because she made it a safe space. An important lesson from my mum was that not everyone deserves to know your story, because some people will use that against you, it is too colourful for them, it is too much for them, and if they do try to use things against you don't give them the power to do so. Confront them head-on and realise that your own power is far greater than any close minded fuck-faces. Whether they are your born-into family, your community, or other people around you.
Thanks for sharing. You have such a wonderful way of wording things xx
 
D

Deleted member 3411

I used to have problems with grammar then one day grandaddy put her in her place
 
20 February 2018
478
1,502
40
City
Derby
There seems to be an array of responses to this question... which makes it such an interesting thread!

From my point of view, I might be uncomfortable if some people at work found out. Only if they had a narrow-minded reaction and it affected my future career negatively. That might seem a bit shallow, but it is something I am quite conscious of. It's to do with society's attitude / ignorance of the scene rather than any personal shame or fear.

From a personal perspective, I was very secretive to begin with, but over time I have lost a lot of the stigma about it. I'm not rushing out to tell everyone, maybe just a small number of people close to me. However, if people do find out, I'm not that bothered at all. In fact I would say I'm now quite proud of having a 'very different hobby'!
 
30 March 2017
1,644
4,038
City
High Wycombe
I think the only person I know that doesn’t know what I do is my nan :rofl:

Really don’t think she would understand. My aunt and uncle pulled me to one side when they found out as they used to go too! Didn’t want to end up in the same club together :palm:

I’m not shy about it, I don’t mind who know about my lifestyle choice (y)
 
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19 March 2015
23,755
64,897
Ok this one is a bit tricky and will be a bit tricky to answer...
Having read the article including an interview with our illustrious hosts I was struck by the comments about needing to be secretive. So what is your biggest fear from the possibility of it getting out of the bag that you are a swinger? Both of my parents are now sadly deceased and there are very few people in my family group but I feel they need to hide it from, I think perhaps my job might have problems but in all fairness I don't consider a job to be that important and anyway in some ways I think it's none of their business what I do during off working hours. No actually my biggest fear are close friends. This side of our relationship is something that L and I have kept from close friends as we do not have that kind of relationship with any of them. Our swinging life is our other life and we did not want the two getting confused. I'm quite sure that one or two of my friends especially will avoid talking to us if it ever came up what we get up to on the weekends when not with them.
I appreciate your answers will have to consider not giving away anything that might risk your own privacy just give it some thought as to how you answer.

To be honest, I am (as in ME personally - Lips, not Pearls..) the same as @Ahabs below; I have no fear about it. Any of it..
I won't go into too many details but some of our kids know, some close friends know - hell, even had a 'Nilla 'best mate' on here to find his way into it! :p
My only concern would be for HRH and her family members as they would not and never will understand.
They're truly #OldSkool and laughed at a child within the family, wanting a fairy princess dress for Christmas... so it would be bad shit if they caught wind! :eek:
Otherwise, no problems.

Also in addition to this, we've pretty much said all of our goodbyes to 'Nilla friends, a long, long time ago. Our biggest circles are, believe it or not, sexual deviants! :sneaky: :D

I'm probably the wrong person to give input, as I pretty much have no fear if anyone finds out.

I have no vanilla friends as got rid of them all in the early years once they suspected.

My family and I are not on speaking terms (very religious upbringing, they still believe no sex before marriage therefore being unmarried in their eyes I am a virgin).

My boss at work knows as I'm a rubbish liar and couldn't explain to her the pattern of one day "long weekend" holidays without simply coming out with it.

Even the police know as I had to get them involved when a particulaly nasty individual wouldnt take no for an answer and assumed I wouldn't tell on him for fear of people knowing. He was wrong.

Very similar situations between us both actually as I am of the same ilk.
RE the police: there were two situations where the police were attending here for different scenarios. As you do, you have to divulge some information.
At one point they were going to take my PC in for inspection! :eek: (that one, is seriously a loooong story and for a chat IRL).
Anyway, both times there was a male & female officer in attendance and they all (both times) asked me if so and so (insert their names here) are onsite :grin: :grin:
 
26 October 2018
3,739
8,234
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To be honest, I am (as in ME personally - Lips, not Pearls..) the same as @Ahabs below; I have no fear about it. Any of it..
I won't go into too many details but some of our kids know, some close friends know - hell, even had a 'Nilla 'best mate' on here to find his way into it! :p
My only concern would be for HRH and her family members as they would not and never will understand.
They're truly #OldSkool and laughed at a child within the family, wanting a fairy princess dress for Christmas... so it would be bad shit if they caught wind! :eek:
Otherwise, no problems.

Also in addition to this, we've pretty much said all of our goodbyes to 'Nilla friends, a long, long time ago. Our biggest circles are, believe it or not, sexual deviants! :sneaky: :D



Very similar situations between us both actually as I am of the same ilk.
RE the police: there were two situations where the police were attending here for different scenarios. As you do, you have to divulge some information.
At one point they were going to take my PC in for inspection! :eek: (that one, is seriously a loooong story and for a chat IRL).
Anyway, both times there was a male & female officer in attendance and they all (both times) asked me if so and so (insert their names here) are onsite :grin: :grin:

Hope you asked to see her credentials before revealing your wares and handcuff collection lol :collar:
 
8 July 2018
5,053
13,045
I’m not sure if I have a biggest fear!

Apart from the people on this site & one of my closest friends, people in general don’t know that I’m a swinger!

It’s not something I’m ashamed of or something I necessarily hide!

I wear a black ring & as you all know, I have quite a distinctive hat, that I wear the majority of the time!

So, in a way I’m advertising who, and what, I am, for those who care to look!

Otherwise it just passes them by!
:tiphat:
Tiger xx
 
D

Deleted member 8095

For me (Paul) it's not so much a biggest fear scenario of being discovered as a swinger, because if anyone did find out, well they'd have been on a swingers website or in a club, so they wouldn't have the right to judge me !! What is a concern is, if we were "found out" (not that we're doing anything wrong) how would that impact upon our professional lives and development opportunities, as people do have prejudices.
One friend does know our secret and she's interested in getting into the lifestyle herself, so that's kinda cool !!

What I find disturbing, is that with all the publicity on inclusion, diversity and acceptance of LGBGT, pansexuality, gender fluid etc, society still feels it has the right to judge swingers.

Does it keep me awake at night NO !! But am I mindful of keeping things on the down low yes !!!!! It's a delicate line we walk lol
 
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Louise94

What an interesting thread. Fear is such an interesting emotion to get to grips with in yourself, too. Acting from a place of fear never feels particularly healthy either.

Sadly, I’ve had a few too many instances where people have used information about my personal life to make it more difficult and it’s made me wary. In theory, I’d like to be the kind of person not to give people the power to make you feel something...in practice, I definitely struggle. As a result, I’m generally quite a private person and I don’t share a great deal of who I am with my family or even my closest friends.

Anything that flies in the face of societal norms usually receives quite a backlash. I take a fair amount of flack already being a vegan, during outreach I’m ridiculed, sworn at and, at times, have to navigate the full force of some people’s anger and outrage...that’s probably enough for me for the time being. :rofl:

Xxx
 

Vanezza

Stud Muffin
11 May 2017
11,326
37,264
50
A few people know we are swingers, Neil's bro, my ex, my cousin and a few of my good friends which I have known for 9 yrs other than that it is none of anyone else's business. I would not want our mums to find out as I don't think they would understand and my mum would go mental she already treats me like a teenager so I don't need my life being made more difficult.


Vxxx
 
17 March 2017
2,729
3,984
City
Manchester
For me (Paul) it's not so much a biggest fear scenario of being discovered as a swinger, because if anyone did find out, well they'd have been on a swingers website or in a club, so they wouldn't have the right to judge me !! What is a concern is, if we were "found out" (not that we're doing anything wrong) how would that impact upon our professional lives and development opportunities, as people do have prejudices.
One friend does know our secret and she's interested in getting into the lifestyle herself, so that's kinda cool !!

What I find disturbing, is that with all the publicity on inclusion, diversity and acceptance of LGBGT, pansexuality, gender fluid etc, society still feels it has the right to judge swingers.

Does it keep me awake at night NO !! But am I mindful of keeping things on the down low yes !!!!! It's a delicate line we walk lol
Well the only thing if one knows ???
 
D

Deleted member 8095

As long as they are very very trusted !
Indeed she is a very trusted friend, otherwise she wouldn't have been privy to such information about us and we equally wouldn't be trusted with very personal information about her !!
 
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