Taking The Initiative..

[Lips_Pearls]

Thinking of this thread Men Vs Women In Swinging... as a couple, who really takes the initiative in your partnership/marriage?
As a single person involved with another couple, do you take the lead/initiative or do you look to the husband/wife for the lead so you then follow?
We all have a balance to find really don't we.
Is it something you really do, have someone who takes the lead or is that not within your essence per se?
As ever.. what say ye?
Be honest - we're all friends here. x

 

[Deleted member 6485]

As a single person involved with another couple, do you take the lead/initiative or do you look to the husband/wife for the lead so you then follow?

I always look to either and follow their lead...or generally, just go with the flow so to speak. Xx

 

[Tiger]

It depends on the couple & the vibes I get from them!

Tiger xx

 

[Ambrosial]

I ain't takin nuffink... I'm a giver :innocent:

 

[Deleted member 11094]

I always look to either and follow their lead...or generally, just go with the flow so to speak. Xx

Going with the flow, I think that's a great way to put it, I agree.

Seeing myself as a beginner, I would want the couple to take the initiative. As it is their dynamic and they have welcomed someone into that.

I would say it's important to get a feel for what they desire, and then to be a part of making that desire a reality. Maybe once I'm not a beginner anymore, it would then be possible to take the initiative myself, but only if the people involved want me to do that.

Sometimes I like to be obedient/directed to what someone wants, but that doesn't necessarily mean subservient all the time to people, because it can include being told to be dominant & take control aswell.

Maybe a cute way to describe it is like being a play toy, could take time to learn how to use a new toy, & if I malfunction just press the reset button.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Going with the flow, I think that's a great way to put it, I agree.

Seeing myself as a beginner, I would want the couple to take the initiative. As it is their dynamic and they have welcomed someone into that.

I would say it's important to get a feel for what they desire, and then to be a part of making that desire a reality. Maybe once I'm not a beginner anymore, it would then be possible to take the initiative myself, but only if the people involved want me to do that.

Sometimes I like to be obedient/directed to what someone wants, but that doesn't necessarily mean subservient all the time to people, because it can include being told to be dominant & take control aswell.

Maybe a cute way to describe it is like being a play toy, could take time to learn how to use a new toy, & if I malfunction just press the reset button.

That's a fantastic way of putting it.
I've often said that it must be difficult for whomever joins a couple in a 3 way dynamic, (whether single male or female etc) as you (generic) have to shape-shift into their dynamic and that cannot be easy for some.
We try and be really down to earth and open, but when it comes down to natural specifics then of course things change again.

What I have noticed over the years, is our personal dynamics have evolved again. Not so much so that HRH now takes the lead or initiatives, but she's more decisive and not looking to me so much anymore for guiding.
We discussed it last night actually and we both agreed that the lead/initiative whatever you want to call it, for us, has balanced.. it's almost equilibrium where the 'lead' (if you like) is mutual and shared.
Rather than what it used to be and has been for many years - all on my shoulders and my direction to decide.
Which I think is an amazing thing, it shows we're constantly evolving within our marriage & relationship really.
I think so anyway..
xx

 

[Deleted member 11094]

That's a fantastic way of putting it.
I've often said that it must be difficult for whomever joins a couple in a 3 way dynamic, (whether single male or female etc) as you (generic) have to shape-shift into their dynamic and that cannot be easy for some.
We try and be really down to earth and open, but when it comes down to natural specifics then of course things change again.

What I have noticed over the years, is our personal dynamics have evolved again. Not so much so that HRH now takes the lead or initiatives, but she's more decisive and not looking to me so much anymore for guiding.
We discussed it last night actually and we both agreed that the lead/initiative whatever you want to call it, for us, has balanced.. it's almost equilibrium where the 'lead' (if you like) is mutual and shared.
Rather than what it used to be and has been for many years - all on my shoulders and my direction to decide.
Which I think is an amazing thing, it shows we're constantly evolving within our marriage & relationship really.
I think so anyway..
xx

That's so lovely x

 

[Captain-Smith-and-Lady-Jane]

We kind of take the opposite approach to threesomes. We enjoy a pretty broad range of things (and broadening further all the time) and like to ring the changes from relatively vanilla to ....less so. When we entertain a single lady together we try very hard to work out what she's into, cater to that, and only push the bounds very gently if at all. On the one hand that seems to have got us a reputation for being good with newbies, but on the other hand we constantly find people think were a whole lot more vanilla than we really are

 

[Deleted member 6485]

Going with the flow, I think that's a great way to put it, I agree.

Seeing myself as a beginner, I would want the couple to take the initiative. As it is their dynamic and they have welcomed someone into that.

I would say it's important to get a feel for what they desire, and then to be a part of making that desire a reality. Maybe once I'm not a beginner anymore, it would then be possible to take the initiative myself, but only if the people involved want me to do that.

Sometimes I like to be obedient/directed to what someone wants, but that doesn't necessarily mean subservient all the time to people, because it can include being told to be dominant & take control aswell.

Maybe a cute way to describe it is like being a play toy, could take time to learn how to use a new toy, & if I malfunction just press the reset button.

Couldn't have worded it any better myselfxx

 

[Lips_Pearls]

When we entertain a single lady together we try very hard to work out what she's into, cater to that, and only push the bounds very gently if at all. O

Completely agree. We’ve always and consistently stated that; no one ever in our company would be treated as a third arm or third wheel so to speak. First and foremost, which I assumed would be a natural step anyway: we always make sure our guests are entirely taken into consideration, in all aspects..
I feel quite comfortable in saying that we pay massive attention to detail, so no doubt similarly to yourselves.

 

[Stew]

Completely agree. We’ve always and consistently stated that; no one ever in our company would be treated as a third arm or third wheel so to speak. First and foremost, which I assumed would be a natural step anyway: we always make sure our guests are entirely taken into consideration, in all aspects..
I feel quite comfortable in saying that we pay massive attention to detail, so no doubt similarly to yourselves.

Agree totally if you have had open honest chats there should be no surprises or rabbits out of the hat lol and things should move fluidly and progress naturally x

 

[Pearls]

Ello Wolfy great post and I’d like to stick my tuppence worth in as I do

Seeing myself as a beginner, I would want the couple to take the initiative. As it is their dynamic and they have welcomed someone into that.

Fully understand that but I’d like to think that it would be your dynamic also and it certainly isn’t about us/couple only.

I would say it's important to get a feel for what they desire, and then to be a part of making that desire a reality. Maybe once I'm not a beginner anymore, it would then be possible to take the initiative myself, but only if the people involved want me to do that.

Again I completely understand where you’re coming from.
But this is not two plus one... it’s three people as one.

Maybe a cute way to describe it is like being a play toy, could take time to learn how to use a new toy, & if I malfunction just press the reset button.

I hear you.. but all three people involved are all on a learning curve - especially if meeting up for the first time.
Finally, it’s just as nerve wracking for the couple to have a lady join us (a couple) as it is for the lady to join a couple.
At the end of the day, we don’t know what we’re doing just as much as you - if ever meeting for the first time. That still applies to us now, after many years and being a couple of old farts!
That can only be achieved with meeting someone on a regular basis and picking up on the little things
There is one advantage of being with us as couple and that is we both know exactly what we like, we both know our boundaries and that makes it easier for whoever joins us xx

 

[Lips_Pearls]

being a couple of old farts!

Speak for yourself you lil minx!

As for the rest, well... oh I hear you! Xx

#SecretlyFlirting

 

[Pearls]

Speak for yourself you lil minx!

As for the rest, well... oh I hear you! Xx

#SecretlyFlirting

My silver fox xx

 

[Deleted member 11094]

Ello Wolfy great post and I’d like to stick my tuppence worth in as I do

Fully understand that but I’d like to think that it would be your dynamic also and it certainly isn’t about us/couple only.



Again I completely understand where you’re coming from.
But this is not two plus one... it’s three people as one.

I hear you.. but all three people involved are all on a learning curve - especially if meeting up for the first time.
Finally, it’s just as nerve wracking for the couple to have a lady join us (a couple) as it is for the lady to join a couple.
At the end of the day, we don’t know what we’re doing just as much as you - if ever meeting for the first time. That still applies to us now, after many years and being a couple of old farts!
That can only be achieved with meeting someone on a regular basis and picking up on the little things
There is one advantage of being with us as couple and that is we both know exactly what we like, we both know our boundaries and that makes it easier for whoever joins us xx

Very well said indeed
xXx

 

[Pearls]

Very well said indeed
xXx

I have my intelligent moments. Not often x

 

[Deleted member 11094]

I have my intelligent moments. Not often x

You do have lots of intelligent moments silly Billy, x

 

[Pearls]

You do have lots of intelligent moments silly Billy, x

Smooth talker x

 

[Deleted member 6127]

Mr T is a planner and will discuss all scenarios of what may happen on a social or meet in detail before hand, me well i let the brandy lead me and it’s usually into mischief of the unplanned kind Cxxx

 

[Deleted member 11094]

Mr T is a planner and will discuss all scenarios of what may happen on a social or meet in detail before hand, me well i let the brandy lead me and it’s usually into mischief of the unplanned kind Cxxx

Excellent
Xx

 

[Deleted member 6127]

Mr T is a planner and will discuss all scenarios of what may happen on a social or meet in detail before hand, me well i let the brandy lead me and it’s usually into mischief of the unplanned kind Cxxx

Me I do as I told...I’m the quiet one :0)) Xxxx T

 

[Pearls]

Me I do as I told...I’m the quiet one :0)) Xxxx T

 

[Stew]

Me I do as I told...I’m the quiet one :0)) Xxxx T

Cough cough !!!!

 

[Deleted member 11852]

Me I do as I told...I’m the quiet one :0)) Xxxx T

I bet your not lol xxM

 

[Leonidas480]

If I'm with a couple I don't know and they're experienced, I let them take the lead initially. But after I know them a bit I'm more inclined to suggest things. In a situation with singles or small groups I'm usually happy to lead to some degree. It all comes as confidence grows but being aware of a situation's dynamics is crucial and good communication is important to achieve this.