How do you say 'no'?

[NotSoFireproof]

It's an important word, and this thread is all about how you communicate it.

In the midst of a meet, when things are getting flirty, how would you stop it if things weren't quite right for you, or if you just weren't into it?

How would you stop it in the middle of play when someone does something you didn't agree to?

What are your tips and tricks?

 

[Pearls]

I can’t say here or folk would know ???

 

[MP386]

It's an important word, and this thread is all about how you communicate it.

In the midst of a meet, when things are getting flirty, how would you stop it if things weren't quite right for you, or if you just weren't into it?

How would you stop it in the middle of play when someone does something you didn't agree to?

What are your tips and tricks?

Good question and difficult to answer ,most things get discussed first so you sort of know the limits so hopefully the situation doesn’t occur…. But have to abide by the “no means no “ … short answer is just say no.

 

[Skippy01]

"Woah there cowboy,steady down".This is actually true x

 

[Guru G]

"Woah there cowboy,steady down".This is actually true x

It is. I usually tell them I’m suffering from genital warts

 

[Colin]

Just say NO and if they dont take the hint a swift knee to the bollocks usualy works

 

[Vanezza]

Personally, I have never been in a sexual situation where things got awkward or uncomfortable for any involved. Maybe once in a club when some guy got carried away with V and that was just a straight "stop that!" he later apologised when he realised that his advance wasn't wanted and his dick had gone down. What I'm saying is just NO is usually the best way.

N xxx

 

[MyKinkyWorld]

It depends on the situation. If it was the session in general, I would say "sorry I can't go on because I feel uncomfortable" , instead if it was a specific play o a sexual practice, I just would say "no". Anyway, if they went on doing what they are doing, I wouldn't speak again.......I am Italian so the second time I would hit them!

 

[Tiger]

It's an important word, and this thread is all about how you communicate it.

In the midst of a meet, when things are getting flirty, how would you stop it if things weren't quite right for you, or if you just weren't into it?

How would you stop it in the middle of play when someone does something you didn't agree to?

What are your tips and tricks?

This is why communication with in the scene is so important, defining your boundaries and sticking to them!

i’m not naive enough to believe that things don’t get out of hand and in the heat of the moment things happen! That’s why we have safe words.

This also ties into taking one for the team, I think the phrases “situation anchoring” so many factors are in play at that moment, you may have traveled for a few hours, the cost of the hotel, the fact that you’d be letting down the other people that have also taken the time money and effort to be there.

So I understand, some times it can be hard to just say no and walk away! However if the people respect you and are in the scene for all the correct reasons! then they will respect your decision regardless of how far down the line it has got!

I will save you the entire story but needless to say I was in The process of getting naked & she said “I can’t do this, right now can we stop” I respected her decision and it didn’t go any further!

Tiger xx

 

[Vanezza]

It depends on the situation. If it was the session in general, I would say "sorry I can't go on because I feel uncomfortable" , instead if it was a specific play o a sexual practice, I just would say "no". Anyway, if they went on doing what they are doing, I wouldn't speak again.......I am Italian so the second time I would hit them!

Not too different from me bro. I knew we had a lot in common! Aside from you having a lovely body and me looking like a sack of water ??

N xxx

 

[MyKinkyWorld]

Not too different from me bro. I knew we had a lot in common! Aside from you having a lovely body and me looking like a sack of water ??

N xxx

The British are coming.......wait, wait..... those are VANZ e MKW.....so THE ITALIANS are coming!

 

[Vanezza]

The British are coming.......wait, wait..... those are VANZ e MKW.....so THE ITALIANS are coming!

I would like to think I have the Italian temperament towards sex (fantasy on my part I know) but the "oh for fuck sake" attitude of the English is something I was born to.
For instance, if I had been taken to Disneyland when I was 8 I would, without a doubt, said: "oh for fuck sake it's a six foot rat!" and walked away with a grump on ?

N xxx

 

[fincon]

It's an important word, and this thread is all about how you communicate it.

In the midst of a meet, when things are getting flirty, how would you stop it if things weren't quite right for you, or if you just weren't into it?

How would you stop it in the middle of play when someone does something you didn't agree to?

What are your tips and tricks?

As suggested elsewhere, been a while since it’s been an issue, but both on 1-to-1 meets, and when it’s developed from a social or club meet…

… I’ve always been lucky enough that a straightforward “no, thanks” or “ok, this isn’t working for me” has been enough for me to back the fuck away. And from me, usually a ”I’m sorry, but this isn’t working for either of us, is it?“ does the trick.

As for the ‘how would you stop it when someone does something you didn’t agree to’ Again, I’ve been fortunate enough that I’ve never done anything that hasn’t been agreed before and no one - with one exception¹ - has done anything I’ve disagreed with.

¹The one exception was the only time I agreed to meet a completely bi couple, where I’d said that I’m wholly straight and we all agreed that there’d be no play between me and the fella.

And then I felt him take hold of me down there.

And the meeting ended seconds later.

To ensure that never even could happen again, I never again met a couple where the M was bi. And never would.

One of the very first rules I learned in this lifestyle was “NO MEANS NO. ALWAYS. NO MEANS NO.”

 

[NotSoFireproof]

I absolutely agree with everyone who has said that no means no, of course it does, and that's valid regardless of who says no.

I think that saying no should be as simple as just being able to say "no", but it often doesn't work out like that, so it's good to read about some of the ways you've all navigated that!

 

[Deleted member 19022]

I would have to agree on ground rules before anything started. A no is no in my book, so I would only say it the one time, then walk away. If I felt I was being pushed in to a situation that I was uncomfortable with then I wouldn't meet in the first place. If it happened during a meeting I would leave. If others cannot respect your decisions then really maybe they should consider another lifestyle. Walking away is always the best option in my opinion but if it came to it then I would resort to other methods.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

It's an important word, and this thread is all about how you communicate it.

In the midst of a meet, when things are getting flirty, how would you stop it if things weren't quite right for you, or if you just weren't into it?

How would you stop it in the middle of play when someone does something you didn't agree to?

What are your tips and tricks?

It's a good question! A lot of people sometimes feel peer-pressure too. So I think it's important actually to figure out everyone's way of handling things, as you can better assess your (generic) own way of doing this.

For me/us personally, if it doesn't click then it doesn't work and it's a no. We can take the rejection from others so we hope others can too.
You can always tell if either one of us isn't interested, even heat of the moment. I'll usually go and make a coffee or something. ?

 

[NotSoFireproof]

It's a good question! A lot of people sometimes feel peer-pressure too. So I think it's important actually to figure out everyone's way of handling things, as you can better assess your (generic) own way of doing this.

I can't agree more!