Midweek musings

[Skippy01]

I'm going to get a bit personal today and talk about relationships.Specifically my own, which is new territory for me ?.
As most are aware my relationship is and should be frowned upon,among the swinging world.If I was an outsider i'd probably be dubious about the arrangement too.It wouldn't suit everyone and i'm ok with the judgement of it.I'm comfortable knowing it's worked for me.
Swinging is and always has been promoted to be about open and honest relationships. Being able to share intimate details,aswell as intimate moments with your partners.And then there's me who would rather not know ? But we always know don't we?
An interesting conversation today about
how,if I don't know anything, would I know if my partner was cheating on me? How can I be certain everything he is doing, is what we agreed upon from the start?. Two points and questions arose from this. 1st) Why is automatically centred towards the man cheating in a relationship? Do you think it's common for the male to cheat over a woman? Or is it that women can hide it better?
2nd) Could you tell if it was happening to you? Do you know the signs to look for? Would you know your partner enough,to notice any subtle changes that could arouse suspicion?
I know most couples on the scene share every aspect of their sexual encounters,and singles have no reason to lie about anything.But is it really that black and white?

 

[Pearls]

Good questions there ?

 

[Deleted member 11852]

I know everyone says they would know but honestly in our case we wouldn't have the time to do anything even if we wanted to.. We both work permenant nights so one of us is in bed at some point throughout the day and both go to work together at night.. I drop Mrs h off then go in myself.. We have weekends off and if we haven't arranged meets then we spend as much time as possible together or with the granddaughters.. I think we have got one of them rare marriages where we both love spending time together and both actually still in love with each other.. Even after 24 years... . W.. ??????

 

[MaleMan]

I'm going to get a bit personal today and talk about relationships.Specifically my own, which is new territory for me ?.
As most are aware my relationship is and should be frowned upon,among the swinging world.If I was an outsider i'd probably be dubious about the arrangement too.It wouldn't suit everyone and i'm ok with the judgement of it.I'm comfortable knowing it's worked for me.
Swinging is and always has been promoted to be about open and honest relationships. Being able to share intimate details,aswell as intimate moments with your partners.And then there's me who would rather not know ? But we always know don't we?
An interesting conversation today about
how,if I don't know anything, would I know if my partner was cheating on me? How can I be certain everything he is doing, is what we agreed upon from the start?. Two points and questions arose from this. 1st) Why is automatically centred towards the man cheating in a relationship? Do you think it's common for the male to cheat over a woman? Or is it that women can hide it better?
2nd) Could you tell if it was happening to you? Do you know the signs to look for? Would you know your partner enough,to notice any subtle changes that could arouse suspicion?
I know most couples on the scene share every aspect of their sexual encounters,and singles have no reason to lie about anything.But is it really that black and white?

In a way the blanket status of not telling each other the ins and outs of encounters is a form of trust. I suppose if either party went outside of the scope of the terms agreed upon it would break that trust, but with that kind of arrangement it'd be hard to see a reason to, though every relationship is unique. If it works for you both I don't see why it would be an issue.

If either of you were cheating on the other and breaking the trust of that agreement there would be subtle changes in behavior, even if you tried to hide it your sub-conscious self would kick in at times. Though changes in behavior might not necessarily be linked to cheating they can be good indicators. Being guarded over phones and messages etc

I read recently that women cheat more often than men, not sure how true it was but biologically speaking women are predisposition-ed to seek out multiple partners for increase chances of offspring. So I assume they are better at hiding it since socially men tend to get that label.

It depends on the level of cheating too as cheating isn't always about sex, those secret conversations and deleted messages would be enough to end most relationships if stumbled upon. Ultimately its the betrayal of trust.

I think love blinds us so its sometimes a lot easier to see it happen in a relationship as an outside observer or after the fact than it is to notice when you're in the relationship.

Again every individual is different and every relationship, so what one partner may forgive and forget another may loose their shit over. It depends how well you know your other half and how openly you can communicate with them about boundaries and what would be the lines you don't want them to cross.

If you have suspicions I'd say use a sounding board of a friend or someone first before charging in and accusing someone, or start keeping notes or mental notes of the behavioral changes and then see if they correlate with any other life changes etc. We can be our own worst enemies when we let paranoia creep in, so try not to unnecessarily worry.

 

[Skippy01]

I know everyone says they would know but honestly in our case we wouldn't have the time to do anything even if we wanted to.. We both work permenant nights so one of us is in bed at some point throughout the day and both go to work together at night.. I drop Mrs h off then go in myself.. We have weekends off and if we haven't arranged meets then we spend as much time as possible together or with the granddaughters.. I think we have got one of them rare marriages where we both love spending time together and both actually still in love with each other.. Even after 24 years... . W.. ??????

It's definitely a better way when there's a constant routine and you have your own balance of this lifestyle,and personal life. I think I was just curious as to whether people sometimes get niggles,and why that is.But in your case you would never have any lol x

 

[Skippy01]

In a way the blanket status of not telling each other the ins and outs of encounters is a form of trust. I suppose if either party went outside of the scope of the terms agreed upon it would break that trust, but with that kind of arrangement it'd be hard to see a reason to, though every relationship is unique. If it works for you both I don't see why it would be an issue.

If either of you were cheating on the other and breaking the trust of that agreement there would be subtle changes in behavior, even if you tried to hide it your sub-conscious self would kick in at times. Though changes in behavior might not necessarily be linked to cheating they can be good indicators. Being guarded over phones and messages etc

I read recently that women cheat more often than men, not sure how true it was but biologically speaking women are predisposition-ed to seek out multiple partners for increase chances of offspring. So I assume they are better at hiding it since socially men tend to get that label.

It depends on the level of cheating too as cheating isn't always about sex, those secret conversations and deleted messages would be enough to end most relationships if stumbled upon. Ultimately its the betrayal of trust.

I think love blinds us so its sometimes a lot easier to see it happen in a relationship as an outside observer or after the fact than it is to notice when you're in the relationship.

Again every individual is different and every relationship, so what one partner may forgive and forget another may loose their shit over. It depends how well you know your other half and how openly you can communicate with them about boundaries and what would be the lines you don't want them to cross.

If you have suspicions I'd say use a sounding board of a friend or someone first before charging in and accusing someone, or start keeping notes or mental notes of the behavioral changes and then see if they correlate with any other life changes etc. We can be our own worst enemies when we let paranoia creep in, so try not to unnecessarily worry.

I'm not worried by the way lol.If any bugger had tried to steal my other half, then they've done a shit job of it because he's still here ?.
But good point on outsiders seeing the change before you do, or is it a case of you do see it, but don't want to admit to it? X

 

[Deleted member 11852]

It's definitely a better way when there's a constant routine and you have your own balance of this lifestyle,and personal life. I think I was just curious as to whether people sometimes get niggles,and why that is.But in your case you would never have any lol x

I think we are probably definitely a one off.. We actually miss not being together when we're in work.. Don't get me wrong we haven't got the perfect marriage but it works for us.. We both knew our marriage was really strong before we entered this lifestyle and this has only brought us closer together.. I think if I hadn't ended up in hospital in 2012 we probably would have been divorced.. We were in a really bad rut.. I was working 14 hour days and Mrs h was stuck at home with the kids... In all honesty me getting heart failure actually saved our marriage because when someone dangles your life in front of you that's the wake up call to realise what's important... Now my outlook on life is completely different.. Now its a case of live life and have as much fun as you can.... .W..????

 

[MaleMan]

I'm not worried by the way lol.If any bugger had tried to steal my other half, then they've done a shit job of it because he's still here ?.
But good point on outsiders seeing the change before you do, or is it a case of you do see it, but don't want to admit to it? X

Yeah that's true denial can be a powerful force, for better or worse some would rather not upset the status quo. ? well that's good, I'm sure its more that nothings happening more than they're shit at it.

Relationships are really tricky nowadays with less communicating going into them I think expectations aren't talked about openly on all topics between each other, that's why courting was useful, I think if you know your OH and they know you the chances of them running off or looking elsewhere dramatically decrease. x

 

[Skippy01]

Yeah that's true denial can be a powerful force, for better or worse some would rather not upset the status quo. ? well that's good, I'm sure its more that nothings happening more than they're shit at it.

Relationships are really tricky nowadays with less communicating going into them I think expectations aren't talked about openly on all topics between each other, that's why courting was useful, I think if you know your OH and they know you the chances of them running off or looking elsewhere dramatically decrease. x

People do,and have achieved in some cases to break up swinging relationships.I've seen it happen.Even got caught up in the middle of it. The person involved knew her husband,all the ins and outs.No one suspected a thing.Close friends saw them as the perfect couple,and out of nowhere he turned up with a new gf on his arm. The wife later said he was acting differently for months. Wasn't interested in meeting others together, being sneaky with phones etc.So she did suspect something but thought it wouldn't happen to her because they had such a great open marriage.He ended up getting cheated on, and went abit ? .Would you have sympathy? Or is it a case of karma reaping it's rewards? X

 

[MaleMan]

People do,and have achieved in some cases to break up swinging relationships.I've seen it happen.Even got caught up in the middle of it. The person involved knew her husband,all the ins and outs.No one suspected a thing.Close friends saw them as the perfect couple,and out of nowhere he turned up with a new gf on his arm. The wife later said he was acting differently for months. Wasn't interested in meeting others together, being sneaky with phones etc.So she did suspect something but thought it wouldn't happen to her because they had such a great open marriage.He ended up getting cheated on, and went abit ? .Would you have sympathy? Or is it a case of karma reaping it's rewards? X

That's actually a shock to hear, given the lifestyle. I personally believe Karma catches up on us all (though I have some crazy thoughts on that don't probe me ) given my inexperience i'd like to hear others thoughts and opinions on it if anyone would like to share, how it would make you feel if you were caught up in something like this?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

I'm going to get a bit personal today and talk about relationships.Specifically my own, which is new territory for me ?.
As most are aware my relationship is and should be frowned upon,among the swinging world.If I was an outsider i'd probably be dubious about the arrangement too.It wouldn't suit everyone and i'm ok with the judgement of it.I'm comfortable knowing it's worked for me.
Swinging is and always has been promoted to be about open and honest relationships. Being able to share intimate details,aswell as intimate moments with your partners.And then there's me who would rather not know ? But we always know don't we?
An interesting conversation today about
how,if I don't know anything, would I know if my partner was cheating on me? How can I be certain everything he is doing, is what we agreed upon from the start?. Two points and questions arose from this. 1st) Why is automatically centred towards the man cheating in a relationship? Do you think it's common for the male to cheat over a woman? Or is it that women can hide it better?
2nd) Could you tell if it was happening to you? Do you know the signs to look for? Would you know your partner enough,to notice any subtle changes that could arouse suspicion?
I know most couples on the scene share every aspect of their sexual encounters,and singles have no reason to lie about anything.But is it really that black and white?

Men are usually more promiscuous.
They want to have sex, as a general rule of thumb, more than women.
It’s our breeding nature. Men as far back as the beginning of mandkind - our mission is to breed. So that means sex is on the forefront of most men’s minds.

Statistically more men cheat than women. Women do it too, but men overall are culprits.

I’ve seen more men come into all this for fun on the side sex whilst married or with someone, than women doing the same.
It happens. But very rare.

How would I know? Oh I’d know. Phone on silent. Hidden habits. Unusual habits.
Women have an intuition that men just don’t have. Fact.
I’d know by the changes in attitude. The hidden messages, the hiding of the screen. The excuse to go out or weekends / weekdays away with work.

As for us, we share everything. Openly and honestly. From the good to the bad. You have to for this to work. We’re genuinely transparent. So it works for us.

People think that this is easier when a couple but it’s not.

I think when you find what works for you both and you’re happy with that, then it’s a genuinely great thing to have. X

 

[Pearls]

Skippy01 you do have a unique situation so would you know if your oh was cheating?

 

[Deleted member 8095]

Being a couple in this lifestyle is frought with compromise, compromise and oh more compromise! Finding someone or another couple that you both gel with enough to strip off is difficult enough to negotiate but then comes the bit when I (P) like a lady and I'd like to meet her but Mrs Hep's not so keen or she finds a man she likes and I'm like erm nah!
In the beginning it was a tough lesson to learn and a long road to travel, I thought swinging = true sexual freedom but its more involved than that. To that end we are more open, honest and truly transparent than ever we've been, we hide nothing .... well at least I think we don't ?.
Would I cheat? NO I'd loose everything and for what? A five minute fumble, no thanks: would Mrs Hep cheat? No I trust her enough to let her live her life, flirt with whomever etc but come home with her integrity intact.

 

[Skippy01]

Skippy01 you do have a unique situation so would you know if your oh was cheating?

Sudden interest in personal appearance.Weightloss, clothing etc.
Online hobby such as words with friends, poker and so on.So you have a chance to be on your phone without arousing suspicion.
Interest in going out with friends more.Talking about them more, so as to look like you are enjoying a social life.
Watching a series you know your partner wouldn't enjoy,so you have an excuse to be in different rooms.
Staying up later than normal.
Enthusiastic praise of your partner, and more romantic in day to day life.Just generally being nicer than normal.
Heavier workload than standard.
Surprisingly wanting more sex.
They would be my first things that i'd watch for, from personal experience x

 

[MaleMan]

Sudden interest in personal appearance.Weightloss, clothing etc.
Online hobby such as words with friends, poker and so on.So you have a chance to be on your phone without arousing suspicion.
Interest in going out with friends more.Talking about them more, so as to look like you are enjoying a social life.
Watching a series you know your partner wouldn't enjoy,so you have an excuse to be in different rooms.
Staying up later than normal.
Enthusiastic praise of your partner, and more romantic in day to day life.Just generally being nicer than normal.
Heavier workload than standard.
Surprisingly wanting more sex.
They would be my first things that i'd watch for, from personal experience x

Sucks that you know these from experience :/

 

[Pearls]

I'm going to get a bit personal today and talk about relationships.Specifically my own, which is new territory for me ?.
As most are aware my relationship is and should be frowned upon,among the swinging world.If I was an outsider i'd probably be dubious about the arrangement too.It wouldn't suit everyone and i'm ok with the judgement of it.I'm comfortable knowing it's worked for me.
Swinging is and always has been promoted to be about open and honest relationships. Being able to share intimate details,aswell as intimate moments with your partners.And then there's me who would rather not know ? But we always know don't we?
An interesting conversation today about
how,if I don't know anything, would I know if my partner was cheating on me? How can I be certain everything he is doing, is what we agreed upon from the start?. Two points and questions arose from this. 1st) Why is automatically centred towards the man cheating in a relationship? Do you think it's common for the male to cheat over a woman? Or is it that women can hide it better?
2nd) Could you tell if it was happening to you? Do you know the signs to look for? Would you know your partner enough,to notice any subtle changes that could arouse suspicion?
I know most couples on the scene share every aspect of their sexual encounters,and singles have no reason to lie about anything.But is it really that black and white?

I think Lips got it right about why men cheat which is a good point but I also think it’s easier for guys to cheat, not easier by actions but by emotion.

My theory is, women have natural instinct to nurture and protect, we create a home, carry those babes for 9 months, we nest.
Now gawd forbid some outsider comes to destroy that! A woman not only has a husband but the entire nest to protect and most guys will know we will do anything to hold on to it.

So with that it’s extremely rare a woman will actively go out and look to cheat, they don’t want to break a family, a home, a partnership.

Men don’t think the same way, they see swinging and sex with others as an added bonus and if it all goes wrong, I can still see my kids!

As for would I know if lips was cheating, yes. Every woman knows. It’s not rocket science is it? It’s that instinct and once you have that then it’s game over because then you go to work. An affair doesn’t start in the bedroom.



Here’s the difference between both sexes. Wife finds out hubby is on a swinging site, he’s got meet verifications so as payback she joins, adds media for all to see and the hubby clocks it, he’s furious obviously but the shame and damaged ego is just too much so he kicks her to the curb calling her all the sluts going. Oh the shame eh.
Double standards even though she had no intention of meeting, just wanted to teach him a lesson.
Do wives join sites to check?
Of course they do. True story above too.

Every woman will know, it’s just a matter of time before they react or try to keep hold of their nest. It’s a tough choice to make.

 

[Pearls]

My point is, a woman will do anything to protect everything they have and there’s nothing worse than a woman scorned by someone who wants to destroy that especially another woman

 

[Ymichael14]

If i was in a relationship with a woman who let me have sex with other women, with or without her, why would i cheat?
I know guys are awful, but the last 10 women , that she knew about, were not enough so i just had to go get number 11 that she didn't approve of?
As for knowing, my ex's always went nuts and i knew about it because they made sure i knew.
So we could fight, i guess.
Now, I just leave at the first sign of trouble.