Is there a swinger type?

[Ymichael14]

Is there a certain type of woman that is into swinging?
I mean, if you are talking to a woman, can you tell she is either into swinging, or could be talked into trying it, even though she isn't talking about swinging?
The reason why I'm asking is, I went on a first date with a woman I met online.
I asked her about swinging and she said she had never done it and never would.
But she is very comfortable with sex and is not jealous, Which i would think would be the type of person that would be into swinging. Im wondering if maybe she is just not ready to admit to me that she is into swinging?
I dont want to spend several years in a relationship with her trying to talk her into swinging. I would like to know if i have a chance of talking her into it.
Or, another way to ask the question, if you are a married male and your wife and you have been swinging for years and she dies, runs away with the woman next door or joins a convent, would you look for a certain type of woman to date /marry because you could tell she would be into swinging?

 

[Pearls]

Can I ask are you dating to start a relationship or dating to get into swinging?

 

[Ymichael14]

Can I ask are you dating to start a relationship or dating to get into swinging?

I would prefer to start a relationship with a woman who is already into swinging , or is at least willing to consider it.
If i meet a woman who wants a friends with benefits swinging relationship, where we swing as a couple but we dont live as a couple, i would take it.
Dating to start a relationship with a woman who would never consider swinging is a waste of time for both of us.

 

[Pearls]

So are you dating swingers? Approaching the subject on a first date is not the way I’d do it, it’s a delicate subject and won’t go down to good with a lady on a first date who probably has other intentions, bringing up sex with others isn’t a good ego boost for her.. ?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Is there a certain type of woman that is into swinging?
I mean, if you are talking to a woman, can you tell she is either into swinging, or could be talked into trying it, even though she isn't talking about swinging?
The reason why I'm asking is, I went on a first date with a woman I met online.
I asked her about swinging and she said she had never done it and never would.
But she is very comfortable with sex and is not jealous, Which i would think would be the type of person that would be into swinging. Im wondering if maybe she is just not ready to admit to me that she is into swinging?
I dont want to spend several years in a relationship with her trying to talk her into swinging. I would like to know if i have a chance of talking her into it.
Or, another way to ask the question, if you are a married male and your wife and you have been swinging for years and she dies, runs away with the woman next door or joins a convent, would you look for a certain type of woman to date /marry because you could tell she would be into swinging?

As a couple, in my experience it just happens naturally.
If one of you does and isn’t sure of the other then it’s a discussion that needs to happen during bedroom fun.

 

[Ymichael14]

So are you dating swingers? Approaching the subject on a first date is not the way I’d do it, it’s a delicate subject and won’t go down to good with a lady on a first date who probably has other intentions, bringing up sex with others isn’t a good ego boost for her.. ?

I realize very few women will admit to it on a first date. Which is why i am asking if there is a certain type. If you talk to a woman at work , can you tell she is into it by what she talks about even if she doesn't talk about it.
At work once we were watching a co worker eatting chili peppers like they were candy. Someone asked her if she liked whiskey straight. She said yes and asked how he knew.
He could tell by how she ate the peppers. That is what i mean.
I am looking to increase my odds of finding a spouse who is into it.
If you wanted a guy that was farmer, a masculine man that gets dirty and works with his hands, you wouldn't look in a city. You would look in a rural area because the odds are better.
If you wanted to give up swinging and find a guy who wanted to marry you and never look at another woman, you wouldn't search here. You wouldn't contact every single guy on here and ask if they were interested. You would go to a dating site because the odds are better.
You have to understand where i am coming from. Im not saying 10 people from this site contacted me and said they were coming to my area for a few days and were considering meeting me. After chatting they told me they had changed their minds.
I do not get rejected, i do not get contacted. My profile does not get looked at.
I would love to be rejected because that meant i had a chance. For the first time in my life someone considered me.
I would print out the " sorry we have to shampoo the dog" rejection email and frame it and hang on my wall as a major lifetime achievement.
Everyone on here gets to choose who to meet, i am trying for just one threesome in my life. Just once.
I have to increase my odds of it happening.
I only had a chance twice in my life and that was 20 years ago.
The problem with getting into a relationship first, then try to talk her into it is, women will say anything to keep a man. They will say they are into it and let you search for someone to join you, but always have an excuse why they dont like that one. That goes on for years. Im not doing that again. I want to know she is into it before i invest the time into a relationship.
This time, i get the threesome first, then she gets the relationship.

 

[Ymichael14]

As a couple, in my experience it just happens naturally.
If one of you does and isn’t sure of the other then it’s a discussion that needs to happen during bedroom fun.

That has never worked for me.
I would rather find a woman like you who is into it. A woman who recently lost her husband. Then i would date her and tell her upfront that my goal is to have the same life with her that her husband had. I realize that not every woman is going to be the same way with every man. For whatever ever reason she could do it with him,but not me. But if she knows it is not going to work with me she could say so before we get too serious.
the problem with waiting for it to just happen is, it may never happen and she might kick me in the balls and go home to mother just because i asked if she ever wanted to try it.
Or, the day after "it just happens", she blames me for forcing her into something she didn't want to do, then kicks me in the balls and goes hone to mother.
Or, if you are a woman. He decides you have been taken over by demons and hangs you by your feet in the basement and beats the demons out of you to save you from your impure thoughts.

 

[Pearls]

I realize very few women will admit to it on a first date. Which is why i am asking if there is a certain type. If you talk to a woman at work , can you tell she is into it by what she talks about even if she doesn't talk about it.
At work once we were watching a co worker eatting chili peppers like they were candy. Someone asked her if she liked whiskey straight. She said yes and asked how he knew.
He could tell by how she ate the peppers. That is what i mean.
I am looking to increase my odds of finding a spouse who is into it.
If you wanted a guy that was farmer, a masculine man that gets dirty and works with his hands, you wouldn't look in a city. You would look in a rural area because the odds are better.
If you wanted to give up swinging and find a guy who wanted to marry you and never look at another woman, you wouldn't search here. You wouldn't contact every single guy on here and ask if they were interested. You would go to a dating site because the odds are better.
You have to understand where i am coming from. Im not saying 10 people from this site contacted me and said they were coming to my area for a few days and were considering meeting me. After chatting they told me they had changed their minds.
I do not get rejected, i do not get contacted. My profile does not get looked at.
I would love to be rejected because that meant i had a chance. For the first time in my life someone considered me.
I would print out the " sorry we have to shampoo the dog" rejection email and frame it and hang on my wall as a major lifetime achievement.
Everyone on here gets to choose who to meet, i am trying for just one threesome in my life. Just once.
I have to increase my odds of it happening.
I only had a chance twice in my life and that was 20 years ago.
The problem with getting into a relationship first, then try to talk her into it is, women will say anything to keep a man. They will say they are into it and let you search for someone to join you, but always have an excuse why they dont like that one. That goes on for years. Im not doing that again. I want to know she is into it before i invest the time into a relationship.
This time, i get the threesome first, then she gets the relationship.

Have you considered counselling?

 

[TherLegs]

Is there a certain type of woman that is into swinging?

I think the answer to that is no. Swingers are no different from anyone else, they just like sex as others like cars or fashion for example.
The only way to find out is to get to know people and as others have said you really need to find the right time to talk about swinging, maybe when watching the sexy scenes in a movie or if the subject happens to appear in a magazine. Simply asking outright is very unlike to work and I would guess if you did then the lady could well decide you are not for her.
Maybe go to bar and get chatting to people, make friends, the more friends you have the more likely it is that someone may know, or have contacts they could introduce you to that maybe are into swinging. You can seek all the advice you could ever need but the fact remains you will always need to meet someone, get to know them and at the right time mention swinging.

 

[bambi5725]

I would also say no. I wasn’t ‘a swinger’ a year ago and neither was hubby.

Yes I like sex, and may have fantasied about having sex with another, as I’m sure hubby does too! But I think you need to have a strong relationship with anyone before that conversation is brought up.

If you’re focus is only on finding someone who swings, that’s your choice, but I think you’ll struggle to find it and be happy.

Good luck though ?

 

[Ymichael14]

Have you considered counselling?

Counseling for which part?

 

[Ymichael14]

I think the answer to that is no. Swingers are no different from anyone else, they just like sex as others like cars or fashion for example.
The only way to find out is to get to know people and as others have said you really need to find the right time to talk about swinging, maybe when watching the sexy scenes in a movie or if the subject happens to appear in a magazine. Simply asking outright is very unlike to work and I would guess if you did then the lady could well decide you are not for her.
Maybe go to bar and get chatting to people, make friends, the more friends you have the more likely it is that someone may know, or have contacts they could introduce you to that maybe are into swinging. You can seek all the advice you could ever need but the fact remains you will always need to meet someone, get to know them and at the right time mention swinging.

I have done all of that.
I meet people who are into it all the time, but i am not their type. Many only swing with a certain age or race.
I have only met two women that were into it , and i was thier type, and that was 20 years ago. Dated them both and all i got was excuses and PTSD from one of them because she would do anything for any guy she knew that asked, except me.
I only started asking about swinging on first dates recently. Nothing else has worked, so i am trying this.
If i wait too long to ask then i will be in another relationship where they tell me all about the swinging they did with Thier last ten boyfriends.
Im tired of the talking, the carrot on the stick that they dangle but ever let me have.

 

[Ymichael14]

I would also say no. I wasn’t ‘a swinger’ a year ago and neither was hubby.

Yes I like sex, and may have fantasied about having sex with another, as I’m sure hubby does too! But I think you need to have a strong relationship with anyone before that conversation is brought up.

If you’re focus is only on finding someone who swings, that’s your choice, but I think you’ll struggle to find it and be happy.

Good luck though ?

Tried it that way.
Im too old to invest another 7 years hoping she might want to try it.

 

[TherLegs]

I have done all of that.
I meet people who are into it all the time, but i am not their type. Many only swing with a certain age or race.
I have only met two women that were into it , and i was thier type, and that was 20 years ago. Dated them both and all i got was excuses and PTSD from one of them because she would do anything for any guy she knew that asked, except me.
I only started asking about swinging on first dates recently. Nothing else has worked, so i am trying this.
If i wait too long to ask then i will be in another relationship where they tell me all about the swinging they did with Thier last ten boyfriends.
Im tired of the talking, the carrot on the stick that they dangle but ever let me have.

As I said we can give you all the advice we have but at the end of the day the only person that can resolve this is you. I will be honest here and say you need a positive attitude, whatever others have said you have already been there and tried it but your replies always seem to be negative, it's not your fault, you met the wrong lady she wasn't interested etc. Have you considered an escort, ok it's paying for sex but at least you will get to have some fun.

 

[Ymichael14]

As I said we can give you all the advice we have but at the end of the day the only person that can resolve this is you. I will be honest here and say you need a positive attitude, whatever others have said you have already been there and tried it but your replies always seem to be negative, it's not your fault, you met the wrong lady she wasn't interested etc. Have you considered an escort, ok it's paying for sex but at least you will get to have some fun.

I would love for someone here to say it is my fault and point out what i am doing wrong.
Then i would know what i need to fix.
I dont understand your comment about negative responses.
If i get negative results my only response can be negative.
As for an escort, yes, but that wouldn't be the same.

 

[Ymichael14]

As I said we can give you all the advice we have but at the end of the day the only person that can resolve this is you. I will be honest here and say you need a positive attitude, whatever others have said you have already been there and tried it but your replies always seem to be negative, it's not your fault, you met the wrong lady she wasn't interested etc. Have you considered an escort, ok it's paying for sex but at least you will get to have some fun.

I would love for someone here to say it is my fault and point out what i am doing wrong.
Then i would know what i need to fix.

 

[Ymichael14]

It appears i am annoying people with my questions.
I am sorry and i will stop posting questions.
I will read comments and articles and hope someone posts a bad experience and i see myself and realize what i am doing wrong.
Thank you for your responses.

 

[Pearls]

I would go to a club.

 

[Pearls]

Counseling for which part?

You’ve had bad experiences so maybe talking about them could help.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

It appears i am annoying people with my questions.
I am sorry and i will stop posting questions.
I will read comments and articles and hope someone posts a bad experience and i see myself and realize what i am doing wrong.
Thank you for your responses.

You’re not annoying me mate. For the record.

 

[Colin]

It appears i am annoying people with my questions.

I dont think your annoying people if you were you would get told etc. You are asking questions becouse you want answers and somebody somewhere will have an answer or can give you an idea to try.. Only losers give up. If you dont ask you dont get answers so keep asking you never know

 

[Ymichael14]

Thank you all for not finding me annoying.
Clubs. Every club in my area is heavily restricted concerning age, looks height, weight, gender and intelligence.
I would never get in.
Few of the people on this site would get in.
If you dont believe me, Google it. Closest major city to me is New Haven, CT. (CT is the state that the city of New Haven is in, in case you are not familiar with US addresses).
NY, NY and Boston, MA are much bigger cities and are within a few hours of me, so they are doable.
And, after reading the confidence thread and the bad experiences some of you have had in clubs, im afraid to go even if i found one i qualify for.
Counseling. I suppose it is possible i am using the bad experiences as an excuse to not get into swinging. Self fulfilling prophecy, i believe they call it. You sabotage yourself, make yourself fail. But, i dont think so. And it is probably unethical for them to counsel me to get me into swinging.