@Baldrick
The thing about D/s, M/s or indeed any other kind of BDSM relationship is that they are as varied as the people wishing to be involved in one.
I feel that whilst reading about the "rules" involved in any relationship of this type from online "experts" can be somewhat informative and maybe offer certain guidelines they should not be taken as definitive.
My own feeling is that providing all is safe, sane and consensual then people should do as they please without feeling they must conform to any BDSM stereotype.
I realise this is not exactly helpful if you're looking for a straightforward black and white answer but, as you have observed, some of the "etiquette" suggested online (particularly when talking about TPE (Total Power Exchange)) are extremely impractical for the majority of those looking at such a relationship.
Antogs x