One of our rules was we don't meet anyone married without their partners consent or full approval,
We have been severely bitten by the other partner not knowing, and the severe grief ensued from it, and have now adapted our approach accordingly. (in fact we nearly left the lifestyle) but as always, the truth is essential in building trust, but your trust and confidence is, so easily destroyed if the truth is not actually true !!! These days, we actually speak to the other partner to make sure that that situation can never happen again, and if not, we walk away.