Guilty And Secret Crushes

[Sammy]

I have a slight crush on 2 ladies on here but I know iam punching above my weight and as to why I don't contact them is I would feel highly embarrassed at the however nicely worded let down. No not looking for sympathy or anything like that just stating my own personal thoughts

Yep this is totally me here
There are 2/3 folk that I really like but for same reasons as Colin I bite my lip
Sx

 

[Deleted member 5725]

Same as KR and Sammy ... Have a few but it's partially the worry of rejection I guess ... Even though I would like to think on SS it would be with good grace ... Maybe that thought should give us inspiration .

 

[johndoc01]

As like everyone, I to have a 3//4 I really like and would love to start talking to but then as you open the laptop up I just run for the hills (its my theme) LOL funny thought as kids teenagers it didn't matter you ask they say no you moved on muttering your loss girl so why so different now

 

[Deleted member 6485]

Think with most of us on here, its just the fear of feeling rejected. But at the end of the day, we're all human. If you dont make that initial move, you're never going to know. People may suprise you. Someone you thought might have been out of your league, may be right on parr with you

 

[DiamondJoe]

I don't do "guilt", it's sooooo medieval.

Get with the programme.

 

[mrclouse]

Think with most of us on here, its just the fear of feeling rejected. But at the end of the day, we're all human. If you dont make that initial move, you're never going to know. People may suprise you. Someone you thought might have been out of your league, may be right on parr with you

I think some of the issues as single gents we have (tell me if it's just me) is that we get alot of rejections and that starts tearing down your confidence about telling someone.

 

[johndoc01]

I think some of the issues as single gents we have (tell me if it's just me) is that we get alot of rejections and that starts tearing down your confidence about telling someone.

You might just be right @mrclouse I feel that also.

 

[DiamondJoe]

I think some of the issues as single gents we have (tell me if it's just me) is that we get alot of rejections and that starts tearing down your confidence about telling someone.

It doesn't stop the poor single men from trying.

I mean, really, some of the barely literate, single line proposals I've had truly beggar belief.

But every now and then one gets lucky.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

I think some of the issues as single gents we have (tell me if it's just me) is that we get alot of rejections and that starts tearing down your confidence about telling someone.

Well you say that, slightly off topic and on a tangent somewhat - I was considering writing a thread about this after being asked about single swinging yesterday by a friend in RL.

On topic, it doesn't help when you have people tarnishing the whole single guy reputation. Even here, safer and more moderated, some single guys are still sending crude, crass and disrespectful messages.
It only worsens the whole reputation.

 

[No longer with us]

I think some of the issues as single gents we have (tell me if it's just me) is that we get alot of rejections and that starts tearing down your confidence about telling someone.

Nope, not just you. For me, though, not so much the confidence hit I don't want; there's also an awareness that single women in particular get so many unwanted offers, and I've heard so many horror stories... I guess I don't want to trip over the line between enquiry and show of interest into offending someone and adding one more to their list of "oh shit, another man who doesn't know if I wanted him to say something, I would have said so!"

There's a thin line sometimes between 'unasked for interest' and 'unwanted interest'.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Nope, not just you. For me, though, not so much the confidence hit I don't want; there's also an awareness that single women in particular get so many unwanted offers, and I've heard so many horror stories... I guess I don't want to trip over the line between enquiry and show of interest into offending someone and adding one more to their list of "oh shit, another man who doesn't know if I wanted him to say something, I would have said so!"

There's a thin line sometimes between 'unasked for interest' and 'unwanted interest'.

But is that swinging or dating? One night stands?

Sadly yes too much crap going on, it's like pissing in the wind at times trying to stop it.

 

[No longer with us]

But is that swinging or dating? One night stands?

Both, but particularly the former when it's online; less so at a club, I agree, when the 'rules' and 'etiquette' are far more widely obvious.

 

[johndoc01]

Well you say that, slightly off topic and on a tangent somewhat - I was considering writing a thread about this after being asked about single swinging yesterday by a friend in RL.

On topic, it doesn't help when you have people tarnishing the whole single guy reputation. Even here, safer and more moderated, some single guys are still sending crude, crass and disrespectful messages.
It only worsens the whole reputation.

So on that note we are all in the same boat no matter what we do. I guess its down to individuals and the risks that enfolds however we are not all the same I have a completely different story for being here (not sharing in this thread) but if swinging is a life style then its open to single ladies gents and couples... we single Men don't carry the same banner of single ladies

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Both, but particularly the former when it's online; less so at a club, I agree, when the 'rules' and 'etiquette' are far more widely obvious.

Sadly they get kicked out and forgotten, in favour of "fancy a fuck" message etc.

So on that note we are all in the same boat no matter what we do. I guess its down to individuals and the risks that enfolds however we are not all the same I have a completely different story for being here (not sharing in this thread) but if swinging is a life style then its open to single ladies gents and couples... we single Men don't carry the same banner of single ladies

It is, and it's open to all...
By my point here and it's something that should be considered - is single gent to single lady, swinging?
Or is it dating and one night stands?

Singles, or swingles, play a massive part in this lifestyle.. that's not what I am saying though.
We're discussing about etiquette and how some guys get rejected and it messes up your confidence. I completely understand that.. but we've also had a point raised too... and that point is about guys with single ladies... Is that not dating?
We see the lines blurred a lot by people who expect this to be a dating site.
Hell only recently (within the last week) someone joined, and wrote about finding his one and only soul mate and partner here

This deserves a thread I think rather than hijack this one.

Fact is though going back to my original point, and it's so damned frustrating for all genuine and decent guys here: too many people still tarnish it for others and on here is of no exception.
It annoys us when we see genuine and friendly guys, get slammed because of some shitty PM's another bloke on here has sent!

Trust me there's many of them going on and it's NOT fair on you genuine and friendly guys. It really annoys us.

PS additionally, no you don't carry the same banner - but a lot of single ladies seem to also be on pedestals, which simply because in reality, it's a supply and demand thing. (to be matter of fact about it).
It's a very delicate and fine line in truth.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

PS I'd also add, we don't generally play with single guys - but there are and have been a few on here that we've come close to considering asking..
That's down to standing out, for being genuine, funny and friendly.

 

[johndoc01]

Sadly they get kicked out and forgotten, in favour of "fancy a fuck" message etc.

It is, and it's open to all...
By my point here and it's something that should be considered - is single gent to single lady, swinging?
Or is it dating and one night stands?

Singles, or swingles, play a massive part in this lifestyle.. that's not what I am saying though.
We're discussing about etiquette and how some guys get rejected and it messes up your confidence. I completely understand that.. but we've also had a point raised too... and that point is about guys with single ladies... Is that not dating?
We see the lines blurred a lot by people who expect this to be a dating site.
Hell only recently (within the last week) someone joined, and wrote about finding his one and only soul mate and partner here

This deserves a thread I think rather than hijack this one.

Fact is though going back to my original point, and it's so damned frustrating for all genuine and decent guys here: too many people still tarnish it for others and on here is of no exception.
It annoys us when we see genuine and friendly guys, get slammed because of some shitty PM's another bloke on here has sent!

Trust me there's many of them going on and it's NOT fair on you genuine and friendly guys. It really annoys us.

PS additionally, no you don't carry the same banner - but a lot of single ladies seem to also be on pedestals, which simply because in reality, it's a supply and demand thing. (to be matter of fact about it).
It's a very delicate and fine line in truth.

Just a great response thank you oxo

 

[No longer with us]

By my point here and it's something that should be considered - is single gent to single lady, swinging?
Or is it dating and one night stands?

Or might as well as whether the same applies to couples. Is it swinging or just having an open relationship?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Or might as well as whether the same applies to couples. Is it swinging or just having an open relationship?

Semantics.
Of course it is swinging.... that's the whole point!
Swinging = open relationships.

 

[No longer with us]

PS I'd also add, we don't generally play with single guys - but there are and have been a few on here that we've come close to considering asking..
That's down to standing out, for being genuine, funny and friendly.

On a slight tangent, at another place, I was - when I first joined - constantly surprised by the number of couples who had "not looking for single guys" in their profiles but who also looked at my profile, or sent a message...

It took me much longer than it should have done to realise (No one ever accused me of being fast to pick up on stuff) why. If they didn't have "not looking for single guys", they would have been overwhelmed by single fellas contacting them. This way, THEY got to pick and choose.

 

[Deleted member 1030]

OK folks - this is a very interesting discussion. However, it is so off-topic that it has lost its hazelnuts!

 

[No longer with us]

Semantics.
Of course it is swinging.... that's the whole point!
Swinging = open relationships.

And if a fella doesn't have a regular partner, but is open to many...? That's my point. There's a point when it becomes mere semantics.

 

[No longer with us]

OK folks - this is a very interesting discussion. However, it is so off-topic that it has lost its hazelnuts!

Apologies for my part in that...

 

[Lips_Pearls]

On a slight tangent, at another place, I was - when I first joined - constantly surprised by the number of couples who had "not looking for single guys" in their profiles but who also looked at my profile, or sent a message...

It took me much longer than it should have done to realise (No one ever accused me of being fast to pick up on stuff) why. If they didn't have "not looking for single guys", they would have been overwhelmed by single fellas contacting them. This way, THEY got to pick and choose.

Agreed, which is something we do try and point out to people. This has been a long standing issue and we do try and 're-educate' people about blinding ignorance and intolerance.

OK folks - this is a very interesting discussion. However, it is so off-topic that it has lost its hazelnuts!

Yes well, as I said, I will start a discussion about this very subject matter.

 

[Terryg]

Ive always messaged those I like the look and sound of. I've always tried to remain polite (I hope) happy to see you on forums, like to chat etc. Type PMs, rarely been ignored, you usually get polite and kind messages back. Sometimes a bit more. It can sometimes come across as a bit trite when you see people saying be patient. I'd rather be that and get it right than get slung out on my arse for being offensive. Just me!
Tx

 

[Deleted member 3657]

On a slight tangent, at another place, I was - when I first joined - constantly surprised by the number of couples who had "not looking for single guys" in their profiles but who also looked at my profile, or sent a message...

It took me much longer than it should have done to realise (No one ever accused me of being fast to pick up on stuff) why. If they didn't have "not looking for single guys", they would have been overwhelmed by single fellas contacting them. This way, THEY got to pick and choose.

Maybe my point may make this relevant to the topic...
I know for a fact that there are couples who post "not looking for singles" or words to that affect but actually do look for singles. Some use it as cover so that they don't get the usual flood of messages and they can then maybe see who they like and make the approach. It may well be their guilty pleasure to occasionally want a single to join them.