How Do You Know?

[GeoffRy]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

 

[fincon]

I’m the wrong¹ fella to ask… but since that’s never stopped me answering in the past…

In the scene, one of my favourite things about it is that no one’s (no one I’ve chatted to, anyway) going to get offended if you say you’re interested but it turns out that they’re not. Even if they’re very much not.

One of my other favourite things about this culture is that you do get to say that, straight out; you don’t need to hmm and haw and avoid it…

For once, the advice shy kids are given when they start saying actually applies: the worst that can happen is the other person/people say ‘no’.

OK, OK, the worst that can happen is that they’re nasty when they say no, but (i) such people tend not to last in the nicer parts of the scene, like this place, and (ii) I’ve only ever very rarely had it occur to me in more than ten years.

_________________________
¹the reason I say I’m the wrong person is that because I haven’t met for years, I never these days make an unsolicited overt ‘pass’, nor say first that I’m interested… because I don’t want to mislead nor be misunderstood. When I was meeting, I’d be completely open and upfront about my intentions/wishes.

 

[TogNMuse]

Sometimes, plain straight talking is the best way forward, no ambiguity or misread signals, everyone knows where they stand

Tog

 

[fincon]

Sometimes, plain straight talking is the best way forward, no ambiguity or misread signals, everyone knows where they stand

Tog

Very nicely put. And completely correct.

 

[Tiger]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Just so there’s no ambiguity, I most definitely want you Ry.

Tiger xx

 

[MP386]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

I know exactly how you feel one if the biggest challenges I have always had is working out if I should or shouldn’t ask , do they feel the same am I misreading what’s going on ....also comes back to that feeling of rejection if they say no... wanting someone is one thing achieving that is another...then add in to the mix if it’s a couple you want one half you have to impress the other half enough to allow you join them ... being as everyone is here for pretty much the same reason you’d think it would be easier....
....

 

[The-Gent]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Just be nice which you are and the offer will come if they are good enough for you !

 

[StokeChoke]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

As said before no one will be offended if they are not into you. In my experience people that are not interested are always polite and just say they are not

I can’t see you guys having that happen often though x

 

[TherLegs]

How do you know, you don't until you ask then it's either a yes or no answer. Play it safe for too long and it may come across that you aren't interested. Tbh there is no right answer to your question and I think we all have the same thoughts. No likes being rejected but once you know, whatever the answer, you can move on.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Great post Ry. I know this question sits on a lot of people's minds too, so am sure the posts will help reassure/assure others. x
Indeed, better to find out earlier rather than later. Especially after building up something from say chatting for a little while, only to then find out it will fall flat on its face? So the sooner the better and you know, most people will usually be honest and say if there's nothing there or even if there is, of interest for them etc.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

A recent post brought me back to this.
Okay, even though we were last to reply (and killed it ) we feel there's something else we'd like to add, if okay..
We've been in the same boat - whether it's a go or it's not.
One min it's all on, on, on... Next it's off, off off.
We've misread the signals and missed out, best way is to ask if in doubt.
As in, if they're not quick in coming forward just ask their thoughts. x

 

[Stew]

For what it’s worth here’s my take on it over the years you would have thought I would have become adept at spotting signals and nuances and be able to react accordingly !

Not a bit of it, still completely useless, issue for me is that in the two dimensional world of messaging either public or private it’s often very ambiguous many if not all statements can be taken two ways ! And I happen to be very adept at spotting the wrong way !

The very odd time I’ve taken the plunge , often with someone I’ve chatted to for ages and asked directly about a sexual liaison I have got shot down in flames, you are a nice guy but ....XYZ, which of course is then probably the death of that chat !

So I keep my head down, like posts I like, like pictures I like, an occasional foray into a private chat, often just to say hi and or clarify something !

I don’t remember a couple or single ever actually initiating a conversation with me ! Which I guess tells it’s own story

So I’m not ignoring you or being rude if I don’t step into your inbox but experience has made me wary !

Sorry for the ramble I will keep on enjoying the banter and chat of the one and only SS

 

[Pearls]

I don’t remember a couple or single ever actually initiating a conversation with me ! Which I guess tells it’s own story

That is so sad and tells a story for me, I would say that is for most sg and women and couples need a shake, as you know we don’t actively look for sg but we did message one or two and got blown out. I certainly don’t agree with how sg get treated in the scene as you know and people need to change, as I always say “human beings we are” all equal.

 

[Lace]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Life is very short for over thinking and beating about the bush (no pun intended) that’s if you have one
Saying that I can’t read signals very well in the scene, day to day life, yes.
If you think things are drifting then ditch the chase and wait, if they want you, they’ll come to you.
Hopefully.

 

[GeoffRy]

Life is very short for over thinking and beating about the bush (no pun intended) that’s if you have one
Saying that I can’t read signals very well in the scene, day to day life, yes.
If you think things are drifting then ditch the chase and wait, if they want you, they’ll come to you.
Hopefully.

No bushes here.
Our back garden is a concrete box. Ha

 

[Ahabs]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Yup - me on the average day.

In the scene, one of my favourite things about it is that no one’s (no one I’ve chatted to, anyway) going to get offended if you say you’re interested but it turns out that they’re not. Even if they’re very much not.

Lol, last party I was at says otherwise

Sometimes, plain straight talking is the best way forward, no ambiguity or misread signals, everyone knows where they stand

Just so there’s no ambiguity, I most definitely want you Ry.

Tiger xx

Bold move that man, but then again, I can see why. Even though I couldn't say it out loud.

How do you know, you don't until you ask then it's either a yes or no answer. Play it safe for too long and it may come across that you aren't interested. Tbh there is no right answer to your question and I think we all have the same thoughts. No likes being rejected but once you know, whatever the answer, you can move on.

Yup - guilty of this: waiting too long.

The very odd time I’ve taken the plunge , often with someone I’ve chatted to for ages and asked directly about a sexual liaison I have got shot down in flames, you are a nice guy but ....XYZ, which of course is then probably the death of that chat !
...
So I keep my head down, like posts I like, like pictures I like, an occasional foray into a private chat, often just to say hi and or clarify something !
...
So I’m not ignoring you or being rude if I don’t step into your inbox but experience has made me wary !

My default position, erring on the side of caution.

Life is very short for over thinking and beating about the bush (no pun intended) that’s if you have one
Saying that I can’t read signals very well in the scene, day to day life, yes.
If you think things are drifting then ditch the chase and wait, if they want you, they’ll come to you.
Hopefully.

Yeah, I'm not good at reading signals very well. I tend ot need a clear signal: ps - putting your hand on my cock while we are sitting and chatting is not a clear signal, I would just assume you wanted to touch it.

 

[Ahabs]

To be clear, I'm a pro-preference-player this means even when someone's preference means I'm not part of the equation I'm still happy to socialise, so long as they don't get offended by assuming the only reason I'm socialising is the hope they change their mind (?).

But as there is no guarantee on this, usually once I see the eliminating factor my instincts tells me "avoid".

 

[TogNMuse]

To be clear, I'm a pro-preference-player this means even when someone's preference means I'm not part of the equation I'm still happy to socialise, so long as they don't get offended by assuming the only reason I'm socialising is the hope they change their mind (?).

But as there is no guarantee on this, usually once I see the eliminating factor my instincts tells me "avoid".

We love the social aspect, some nights we might go to a club purely for the social side, its just great fun to hang out and chat with like-minded people.

 

[Ahabs]

Ok, let me into an example called "my world":

Boy and girl are in a venue. Boy talks to girl, girl clarifies to boy she's not interested. Boy says it's fine he's only socialising not conversing with ulterior motive.
Girl questions if he's suggesting she's not good enough to be wanted. Boy awkwardly tries to clarify he would be interested, but isn't as she said she's not. Girl accuses boy of blaming her for lack of interest.
Boy sees conversation imploding. Boy walks away.

 

[Therapon]

Ok, let me into an example called "my world":

Boy and girl are in a venue. Boy talks to girl, girl clarifies to boy she's not interested. Boy says it's fine he's only socialising not conversing with ulterior motive.
Girl questions if he's suggesting she's not good enough to be wanted. Boy awkwardly tries to clarify he would be interested, but isn't as she said she's not. Girl accuses boy of blaming her for lack of interest.
Boy sees conversation imploding. Boy walks away.

You overthink again @Ahabs

But I understand what you are saying.

 

[Carpediem2008]

Over thinker as I am, and paranoid to boot... Ok fussy and a bit of a princess but terrified (with this current world we live in) of making a wrong move, or reading signals wrong. How do you play it safe, whilst still hinting that you want them? Nanny state has numbed my will and power of suggestion
XxRy

Just be straight up and say something.... nothing ventured nothing gained.... Mr c xxx

 

[GeoffRy]

Just be straight up and say something.... nothing ventured nothing gained.... Mr c xxx

So when are the four of us getting together to try out both your and our toy collections then ? Hehe Xx G

 

[mrclouse]

I kindof have this problem too never know when it's ok to bluntly say it but well sometimes just goto push your paranoia/selfdoubt aside but tbh I don't think there's anyone that'll say no to you