Bumping this, since it seemed to be a useful thread upon which to hang this observation, sparked by two things that happened today.
1/ the ‘
What If Someone Found Out That You Were Swingers...?’ thread
2/ a text I just received from someone I used to know in the scene, years ago
So I got this text an hour or so ago, from an entirely unfamiliar number. Her name isn’t Jemima, but I’ll use that as an example for what will become obvious reasons.
“My new number… hello! Hope you’re well… Jemima x”
I didn’t know who
Jemima was. I mean, I don’t know anyone called Jemima. I’ve never known anyone named Jemima.
I was amused, I’ll be honest. Someone sending a new number message and mistyping who they were sending it to.
I replied with
“Thank you, Jemima, but I think you’ve sent it to the wrong person; I don’t know anyone named Jemima.”
...and didn’t think any more of it.
Until I just got a text message from her, using her old ‘swinging account name’ which she used when swinging with her partner.
And the penny dropped: someone I used to know, had never played with - since what and who she was looking for really
really wasn’t someone like me. But she was part of the group that I knew way back when. Back in the days of me going to clubs, and meets, and the whole thing. But I never knew her real name. It had never come up; there’s no reason for me to know it. We only met at clubs, and socials. And occasionally chatted online. I’ve no idea why we’ve each got each other’s numbers. Which we have.
Thing is: it struck me that, for very obvious reasons, mainly to do with my lack of activity and meeting people, hardly
anyone in the scene knows
my real name these days, even my real first name, and I can count the number of people whose real first names I know on both hands… and that includes people whose real names I
do remember from back then.
This isn’t a complaint, and definitely
not a hint, just an observation. But given how careful most - not all, but I’d very definitely say
most - people in the lifestyle are to keep their swinging identities very, very separate from their non-lifestyle lives...
...I’d venture to suggest that those people - including me - really really
don’t want others knowing. And the fears/worries/concerns they have extend to family and friends.
Though, as I alluded to in the thread referred to above, my son isn’t exactly unique in not having seen me with
anyone in the past decade and a half… so if it did come out, even my peripheral presence, the overwhelming reaction would be that it was a gag, a joke, a setup… tinged with a bit of pity.