- Your sexual Orientation
While swinging, otherwise known as 'the lifestyle' or wife swapping, 'the alternative lifestyle', has become more socially acceptable these days, a lot of couples’ (or singles) have yet to try it out, due to fears of jealously, instability, or just being plain overwhelmed.
The reality, is swinging is the easy part. It's dealing with the issues that can arise afterwards that can get tricky. Even more so if as a couple!
Knowing how to deal with these ahead of time, can make it a lot easier and possibly be the difference between making or breaking your relationship.
Swinging can ruin a relationship or help it. A lot. There are advantages to it, just most conservative, church going types want you to think it's all bad news.
The number one rule, for any couple in a swinging relationship, you MUST, be able to communicate. You need to know how to communicate effectively between the both of you. Feelings, thoughts, and fears must be able to be openly expressed, before and after. Planning is the key because once it has happened, there is no going back.
Couples should express their fears, ideas, thoughts, etc well before taking that first step. Sometimes swinging just happens and you are better off being prepared than trying to talk about it at the spur of the moment.
You need to be clear of your intentions. Are you just looking for a new experience together? Are you both okay with the experience? Things like the limits that you are both comfortable with are very important and should be stuck to and respected.
You must learn to acknowledge your boundaries between the BOTH of you.
And try not to break them, but in the heat of the moment – that can, and does change. Make your boundaries and try to stick within them.
If you are a couple and involving a single female, would you be comfortable with a single male as well? Are you willing to "play" separate from each other? (Also known as full swap). Try to imagine every possible scenario and be prepared for it.
Are you into full or soft swap?
Soft swap being not full sex.
Same room swap? Different rooms? All of this must be thought of, thoroughly.
One thing a lot of couples don't talk about before hand, is the future. What happens if one of you likes it and one doesn't? What happens if feelings are developed between one and another?
You must cover all aspects if you can.
Okay, so you have both decided that you feel your relationship is secure enough to try it. Most couples, especially at the beginning have fears of being "discovered" and thus exposed by co-workers, family, or friends.
They tend to stay more discreet. This can make it hard for a new couple to find other people.
You can find out about events in your area and attend a "party" or "club" where you can meet other couples as well. Still afraid of running into someone you know? Look at it this way. If you are there and they are there, they will most likely understand you are both in the same situation and they would likely respect your discreetness the same as you would, theirs. Now I am not going to get into what happens "after" the party or after the date for drinks. This is something you need to learn on your own. I don't want to ruin it for you. You WILL have butterflies in your stomach, which I personally think is the greatest feeling ever.
The build up to an event is almost as intense as the orgasms you can get from it. You should speak with the other couple (or single) before hand to see what their limits and boundaries are as well as express yours.
Try to keep it simple and to the point as it's not always the most exciting thing to talk about. Nobody likes a mood killer!
This should be an issue anyway because you planned ahead of time, of course..
Some couples make it a rule, that they always have sex afterwards, on their own!
It may seem silly, but it is kind of a, closing ceremony, if you will.
The next day, most will talk about it. The first couple of times it could most well be a more in depth conversation.
It's not the best idea to talk about the other person a lot, or at all, if your partner is self conscious. Ex: don't tell your husband about how "big" the other guy was. Or how sexy and she turned you on a lot…
Fact is though, regardless - you loved each other yesterday, you can still love each other today.
The experience should be something you do TOGETHER, even if you are apart.
Learn tricks to show each other. Over time your rules will loosen up. You will get more comfortable with things as you realise you are both okay with it and maybe even encourage each other.
Think more about your partner than yourself. Forget the thoughts like he/she liked him/her better, or I can't please my partner like that. Try to be positive about the fact that you enjoyed it as your partner is sexy and fun and perhaps that’s why the other person liked your partner so much. But remember, it is YOU that he/she has chosen to wake up with every morning.
Realise that in the moment, it is a pretty intense and erotic setting. Your partner may be a lot more excited than you have ever seen them before. Don't take this as anything against yourself. It is more than likely the experience that is adding a lot to it. Be glad you got to see your partner in that level of intensity, then try to recreate it yourself!
Try to remember that the more intense the atmosphere is, the more excited you will both become. This does not mean that you or your partner are enjoying having fun MORE than with you!
Eventually you will start to notice the effects in your personal life. You will have sex more. You will have more creative and better sex.
You will start to be more trusting. Swinging can be addictive.
Hopefully this helps at least a few couples out there to take the chance and see how fun and rewarding it can be, for you, your partner, and your relationship! Good luck with your adventures!