So, here you are, about to dip your toe in the water for the first time, you have signed up to a swinging site, had a look around, and have decided "Yep, this is for me/us... lets see who wants to meet".
But beware, for as soon as you take the plunge, predators will start circling, the unwary can get sucked in to a spiral of explicit mail tennis, pic swaps and all manner of chicanery, and then, just as you think "Yes, we are going to meet!"... it all falls apart!
After around 10 years of swinging and related foolishness, and listening to all the tales of woe from loads of people, we realised that, actually, we were doing ok compared to most, in fact, in 10 years, we have NEVER been stood up, or let down... pretty impressive eh! (There is probably a large helping of luck involved too lol).
But, fear not, with a few simple pointers, and some hints on what to look out for, you will soon be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and find people on your wavelength that want to bump uglies with you lol!
(Disclaimer...sthwalescpl make no promises about you actually getting meets after following this advice, after all, your momma might say you are "beautiful"... but then, she has to, it's in the job description!)
So, how do you avoid being "ghosted" , "breadcrumbed" or having endless convo's with "timewasters"?
Simple... get BRUTAL!!!
No, hey, careful, stop swinging that battle-axe around, I didn't mean like that mun... put it down... that's it, deep breaths now... calm, calm!
I meant... treat EVERY approach from a someone as being FAKE, until they prove otherwise. See... brutal! You can probably believe a profile if it has a list of verifications a mile long... but always check those out too.
Sure, there are many genuine folk out there, and when you start factoring in work, family, hobbies, illness, and everything else that makes up "real life", then it can be difficult to match your diaries and get together at a mutually beneficial time, however, there are also those who, for their own personal reasons, will probably never meet, and will string you along until they get what they want, before dropping you.
These include...
People who claim to be single, but are in fact married.
People who just want access to your private pics (why, when there is tons of free porn on the 'net?)
People who aren't who their profile says they are (example being that 22 year old ex-Playboy bunny brewery heiress that keeps begging you to "tell me what you would like to do to me"... spoiler alert, "she's" actually a hairy-arsed trucker called Dave who just gets his jollies out of reading the porn mails you send him.)
People who get off on "the thrill of the chase".
People who, whilst they love the idea of being a swinger, cant actually go that final yard and meet.
People who are "butterflys"... they actually go to socials, clubs, even parties, and lounge around in sexy undies (even the ladies), they love the idea of "being seen in the scene", they talk the talk, but they never actually swing.
I should also add, I use the word "fake" in describing some profiles, when they could actually be what they claim they are i.e. a single male, but the reason I say fake is that, for whatever reason, they wont meet... I suppose the full title should be "fake swinger".
And so on... daunting, isn't it?
But it shouldn't be, because, once you have an idea about how to conduct a response to a "first contact", and you are aware of what to look out for, thinning the herd and chopping out the deadwood should be easier... no, for goodness sake... I said, put down the axe.. yes, I know I said "chopping", but it's meto… it's metafo..it's meterpo… ah balls its a flouncy poncy way of making a point.
So... picture the scene.
You get a mail (alright, calm down, it does happen you know!)
First...read it (duh, obvious, right?)… how does it "feel"?
Does it go straight for the throat with graphic sexual terms and a description of what he/she/they (I'll use "they" from now on for tidiness) wants to do to you? Yes? Probably fake. That's not foolproof, but it is a heavy indicator, although some genuine swingers do like to use that approach.
But, balance what is written with their profile, if they claim to be a single young fem, then it's unlikely, use your best judgement.
Is it a crude one-liner... "hi, wanna fuck?"..."wanna suk (sic) my cock?" that sort of thing? Again, if its supposed to be from a young single fem, it's probably fake!
Use what they have written to get a feel, do they sound like they might be fun, interesting playmates who will make an effort? Does what they write indicate that they have read your profile, and match what you want. AND... something most miss, do YOU match what THEY want on their profile? If it's from a couple as an example, and you are a bi lady, does it say that the fem is bi or curious, or looking to have some fem on fem play?
Having balanced up what they have mailed, and what you and they are looking for, you find that, so far, things are looking good.
So, now you nail them down to a time and place, buy condoms and get it on baby!!! Right?
Erm….no.
Sure, it could go that way, and you might have a great first experience... but chances are it wont.
Take time, get to know them... I'm not talking about mailing back and fore for weeks, finding out their starsigns, what their first pets name was, what they do for a job etc.
Swap a few mails, keep it flirty but clean(ish), establish any ground rules, and use this time to get a better "feel" for them... anyone who is a dreamer, or who wants something other than a real genuine meet, like pics or X-rated chat, will get bored quickly, or try to move the convo on to something more "pervy".
Remember, real swingers are perverts too, I have been known to use some fruity language sometimes when mailing people, but only after a few mails when the convo has turned that way.
Ok, so, you are getting on, things so far look promising. Everyone seems to be singing off the same hymn sheet.
Time to test the water, so to speak.
Now, at this point, you have choices... are you the kind of folks who want a social meet first, to gauge compatibility?
Or, having matched up with profiles and mails, do you want to meet up and get all sweaty? Another option is, a social meet with the option to move on to a more intimate meet.
But beware, for as soon as you take the plunge, predators will start circling, the unwary can get sucked in to a spiral of explicit mail tennis, pic swaps and all manner of chicanery, and then, just as you think "Yes, we are going to meet!"... it all falls apart!
After around 10 years of swinging and related foolishness, and listening to all the tales of woe from loads of people, we realised that, actually, we were doing ok compared to most, in fact, in 10 years, we have NEVER been stood up, or let down... pretty impressive eh! (There is probably a large helping of luck involved too lol).
But, fear not, with a few simple pointers, and some hints on what to look out for, you will soon be able to sort the wheat from the chaff and find people on your wavelength that want to bump uglies with you lol!
(Disclaimer...sthwalescpl make no promises about you actually getting meets after following this advice, after all, your momma might say you are "beautiful"... but then, she has to, it's in the job description!)
So, how do you avoid being "ghosted" , "breadcrumbed" or having endless convo's with "timewasters"?
Simple... get BRUTAL!!!
No, hey, careful, stop swinging that battle-axe around, I didn't mean like that mun... put it down... that's it, deep breaths now... calm, calm!
I meant... treat EVERY approach from a someone as being FAKE, until they prove otherwise. See... brutal! You can probably believe a profile if it has a list of verifications a mile long... but always check those out too.
Sure, there are many genuine folk out there, and when you start factoring in work, family, hobbies, illness, and everything else that makes up "real life", then it can be difficult to match your diaries and get together at a mutually beneficial time, however, there are also those who, for their own personal reasons, will probably never meet, and will string you along until they get what they want, before dropping you.
These include...
People who claim to be single, but are in fact married.
People who just want access to your private pics (why, when there is tons of free porn on the 'net?)
People who aren't who their profile says they are (example being that 22 year old ex-Playboy bunny brewery heiress that keeps begging you to "tell me what you would like to do to me"... spoiler alert, "she's" actually a hairy-arsed trucker called Dave who just gets his jollies out of reading the porn mails you send him.)
People who get off on "the thrill of the chase".
People who, whilst they love the idea of being a swinger, cant actually go that final yard and meet.
People who are "butterflys"... they actually go to socials, clubs, even parties, and lounge around in sexy undies (even the ladies), they love the idea of "being seen in the scene", they talk the talk, but they never actually swing.
I should also add, I use the word "fake" in describing some profiles, when they could actually be what they claim they are i.e. a single male, but the reason I say fake is that, for whatever reason, they wont meet... I suppose the full title should be "fake swinger".
And so on... daunting, isn't it?
But it shouldn't be, because, once you have an idea about how to conduct a response to a "first contact", and you are aware of what to look out for, thinning the herd and chopping out the deadwood should be easier... no, for goodness sake... I said, put down the axe.. yes, I know I said "chopping", but it's meto… it's metafo..it's meterpo… ah balls its a flouncy poncy way of making a point.
So... picture the scene.
You get a mail (alright, calm down, it does happen you know!)
First...read it (duh, obvious, right?)… how does it "feel"?
Does it go straight for the throat with graphic sexual terms and a description of what he/she/they (I'll use "they" from now on for tidiness) wants to do to you? Yes? Probably fake. That's not foolproof, but it is a heavy indicator, although some genuine swingers do like to use that approach.
But, balance what is written with their profile, if they claim to be a single young fem, then it's unlikely, use your best judgement.
Is it a crude one-liner... "hi, wanna fuck?"..."wanna suk (sic) my cock?" that sort of thing? Again, if its supposed to be from a young single fem, it's probably fake!
Use what they have written to get a feel, do they sound like they might be fun, interesting playmates who will make an effort? Does what they write indicate that they have read your profile, and match what you want. AND... something most miss, do YOU match what THEY want on their profile? If it's from a couple as an example, and you are a bi lady, does it say that the fem is bi or curious, or looking to have some fem on fem play?
Having balanced up what they have mailed, and what you and they are looking for, you find that, so far, things are looking good.
So, now you nail them down to a time and place, buy condoms and get it on baby!!! Right?
Erm….no.
Sure, it could go that way, and you might have a great first experience... but chances are it wont.
Take time, get to know them... I'm not talking about mailing back and fore for weeks, finding out their starsigns, what their first pets name was, what they do for a job etc.
Swap a few mails, keep it flirty but clean(ish), establish any ground rules, and use this time to get a better "feel" for them... anyone who is a dreamer, or who wants something other than a real genuine meet, like pics or X-rated chat, will get bored quickly, or try to move the convo on to something more "pervy".
Remember, real swingers are perverts too, I have been known to use some fruity language sometimes when mailing people, but only after a few mails when the convo has turned that way.
Ok, so, you are getting on, things so far look promising. Everyone seems to be singing off the same hymn sheet.
Time to test the water, so to speak.
Now, at this point, you have choices... are you the kind of folks who want a social meet first, to gauge compatibility?
Or, having matched up with profiles and mails, do you want to meet up and get all sweaty? Another option is, a social meet with the option to move on to a more intimate meet.
Superbly written Mr SWC!
oh and not PV’d either :hmm:
