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Discussion in 'BDSM & Fetish Forums' started by Lips_Pearls, 12 October 2019.

  1. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    A bit more than you're prepared or comfortable to give.
    Do you do it to please her/him anyway or do you draw your own red line? (pun intended).

    This thread has come directly off the back of this post by @Agile Spanking , Flogging And More and the chats afterwards, which I think then makes a brilliant chat topic.

    I've been in this type of situation a few times but one in particular will always remain with me.
    I did do what was asked, but I stopped myself from continuing as I was not very comfortable with it.
    What about yourself?
    Ever been in this situation where you may need to draw the line yourself, even though your submissive wants it?
    Kinkies, over to you! ;) :D x
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  2. AutumnH

    AutumnH PV Sprtr

    I think the key here is communication.
    Both parties have to be completely open and honest with what each person wants to try and how far they're willing to go.

    Even in the middle of a scene, I think the Dom should periodically check in to ensure that the sub is comfortable and they're both happy to go faster, harder, stronger etc.
    And if not, well, isn't that what a safeword is for?
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  3. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    True, but this is the scenario reversed, where the submissive wants to go further than their Dom/Domme is maybe prepared to go. It can and does happen, regardless of boundaries, safewords and the such.
    I know I have but then had to restrain myself (not in that way :D ) from going any further! So it can definitely happen in the heat of the moment. x
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  4. AutumnH

    AutumnH PV Sprtr

    I'm saying communication goes both ways - maybe this didn't come across in my initial reply.
    The Dom/Domme should be able to say "that's enough" when they aren't comfortable.
    The scene ends and there should be a debrief (okay, it's a bit industrial but it helps) to understand and open up about what's going on and why they couldn't/wouldn't go further.
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  5. fincon

    fincon PV Sprtr

    Couldn’t agree more; every scenario - in and out of this lifestyle - falls apart when you’re not on the same page.

    And this is where my comfort would fly out of its zone, not mere tiptoe, but run, fast.

    The whole point is, surely, agreement. As the D cannot, must not, ever abuse the huge privilege and responsibility they have to not objectively harm a submissive outside what the sub has agreed to, the same applies in reverse.

    I might be biased here; I was ‘topped from the bottom’ the first time I experimented with D/s. A very submissive lady effectively taught me. She was absolutely insistent while I learned that at no point must I ever, ever, step over the line at which I felt comfortable. Her main concern was that if I did, and felt actively uncomfortable, it would stain the experience and tarnish the idea of D/s for me. She was probably right.

    Everyone has their own comfort zones; it’s no-one else’s right to insist they step over them, or they to guilt trip someone into doing so. And that applies whether limited to D/s, or just in general.
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  6. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    What I mean is this, as I think the point is being a bit blurred.
    As an experienced Dom/Domme and submissive, there are absolutely times when it can encroach on grounds of being pushed further.
    You've already discussed your boundaries. You've already discussed your safewords.
    You've already discussed what is, and what is not.
    As a Dominant myself, with several years of our dynamic behind us, I am saying that there are and have been many occasions where you get close to the limit.
    This is where I mean; you are enjoying the zone and session and your submissive wants you to go more than what you are prepared to or usually happy to engage in.
    It's normal for this situation to happen at times, because one of you may want to do more than the other.
    I.E I've had to stop myself and draw back when using a buckled belt. I was fast reaching the point of going with her on going further.
    Stopping myself and taking control of the situation, is why I am in my position anyway I suppose as a Dominant and gentleman to my submissive.

    But as a D/s relationship and in the kink scene in general, it can be very easy to approach lines which you can easily continue.
    My OP and question is;
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  7. sthwalescpl

    sthwalescpl Sprtr

    I've never really marked anyone, always held back, although one or two ladies have had nice red bums lol. I'm learning slowly, and tend to be a lot slower to go harder. I still prefer paddle type implements over thinner items like canes etc.
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  8. SteveandDebs

    SteveandDebs PV Sprtr

    Doms have limits too, hard and soft. I think any limits, wether the Dom's or the sub's should be treated the same. As I think I said on another thread, soft limits can be pushed but hard limits need to be renegotiated away from play.
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