Dear Deidre...

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10 March 2015
942
2,312
Had some fun with this in the past, so... here goes!
My "friend" Deidre likes to help out those who are in a quandary, those who need advice or guidance, those who need help in reaching a decision, those who need a problem solved.
However, be warned, she doesn't hold back, she shoots from the hip, and her advice can often be mis-understood by those who don't realise that underneath her gruff, schoolma'am-ish manner, beats a heart of gold.
So, post away, but don't grumble at her advice, just follow it to the letter, and soon all your problems will be solved!*
(*Disclaimer.. no responsibility can be accepted for any...erm... mis-understandings that arise as a result of acting upon Deidres expert advice, any and all mistakes are solely the responsibility of the person seeking guidance.)
 
10 March 2015
942
2,312
Deidre says...
Dear Deidre...

Why is it I can't ever find a pair of socks to match my knickers?

This is an ongoing problem that I have on a Friday night when going out to a club... I often get told off for mixing colours!

Help! (Mr marmite)


Deidre says...

Let me get this straight... you are a guy, and you wear knickers??? I think you have more of a problem than just colour co-ordination sweetie!
But, live and let live I always say, so, to the matter in hand.
I'm pretty sure that I can guess why your socks aren't matching your... erm, underwear, and that's because you are a man... you have no clue about separating the washing depending on colour, material etc, and this has led to your undies becoming all washed out, grey and monotone, and, as like all you men who think its trendy, you probably have a collection of garishly coloured socks (some maybe given as gifts by female relatives as a joke).
So, the solution is obvious, either let your wife do the washing, at least then it will be done properly, or, and this is a very male solution, throw all your socks and undies into one wash at high temperature, the colours will all run in together and everything will match.
I guess it's not true what they say, that guys who wear knickers are "good with colours!":palm:
 
10 March 2015
942
2,312
Dear Deidre...

I should have said that all the socks are new and also the knickers too.... it's 2016 not 1974 so men can also wear knickers these days ;)

Now back to the problem in hand... I need matching socks to go with my underwear of choice. :)

Always said The Sun was a lousy paper... humph

Deidre says...
Well, I can see the problem right there... you are a Sun reader, never mind, I wont mock the afflicted!
As to your colour co-ordination problem, just take the...erm... underwear of choice to Burtons, or Man At C&A (aha), and ask a sales assistant to match them for you, although, being a Sun reader, maybe Poundland would be more in keeping.o_O
 
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10 March 2015
942
2,312
I know I'm not Deirdre....but I'd solve this one by always buying black. Black socks, black knickers, and if you fancy it, even a black vest x


Deidre says...
Please, sweetie, lets leave the giving of advice to the experts, shall we?
Black indeed.... whatever next, downloading The Cure, or the Cult back catalogue, (or some other Goth/Emo dirge of your choice)!!!
 
10 March 2015
942
2,312
Are you sure you're Deirdre? And not that Kim who cleans things woman?

Deidre says...
How very dare you... if you cant tell the difference between a qualified therapist and some snotty "woman who does", then its no wonder you feel the need to dress down! Shocking!:eek:
 
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M

Max-the-3rd

Now then Deirdre pet,
I have a friend who's penis has mysteriously turn green!
any advise before it drops off?
 
10 March 2015
942
2,312
Dear Deirdre, is the side a gentleman dresses an indication of their sexuality, and could you explain the implications and consequences of each position, oh and how can I make it work with budgie smugglers?

Deidre says...
Oh my, such a fussy over such a tiny thing!
Left, right, or wrapped around your waist, it makes no difference.. the only time it shows your sexuality is when you stick it up a guys bum lol!
And... I hate to break it to you, but if you harbour even the slightest idea that budgie smugglers are a good look, then I'm afraid there is no hope for you!
 
10 March 2015
942
2,312
Now then Deirdre pet,
I have a friend who's penis has mysteriously turn green!
any advise before it drops off?


Deidre says...

Tell your "friend" to stop messing around with elastic bands, whilst they might help "him" maintain a hard-on, they are not meant to be used for days on end, silly boy!
 
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10 March 2015
942
2,312
Dear deidre
I'm a transgender m-f hi how would it be best to look after my puppy's and kitty?

Deidre says...

There are lots of very good catteries and kennels who will take good care of your pets, and ideally you should find one that takes both so as not to separate them too much.
 
S

ShhhAgonyAunt

Good evening all, Just a quick reminder that you all have your own full time agony aunt on hand, right here on your site, for any serious/non serious swinging issues or Problems.
I've a wealth of mature experience, and I and my partner are full swingers, I'm married, very happy, and I'm available most times, to help when, and if you need some impartial advice.
and if not, I am probably in bed asleep, but leave me a private message and i will get back to you ASAP.
I do have an odd holiday throughout the year, and will be not available at this time.
Regards @ShhhAgonyAunt
 
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M

MickeyBlueBalls

Dear Deidre,
I was hoovering the other day in the buff when suddenly I tripped over the dog and accidentally inserted my penis into the end of the suction tube. After about 15 minutes I tried to remove myself from its grip but that goddamned twin syclone technology doesn't give up. In my panic at this predicament I spun around only to knock a sauce bottle off the kitchen unit. It was just bad timing that at that exact time I slipped and landed onto the sauce bottle (which oddly was in its upright position) and have now impaled myself. It just so happens that my handcuffs I use for work somehow managed to fall onto my wrists and lock. I've been here for two days now and even posted a blog asking for an ambulance which was ignored. There's now a burning smell coming from my Dyson (still no loss of suction) and the sparks aren't looking too good, my ass went to sleep a while ago now, there's sauce everywhere and the dogs are licking their lips. My problem is how do I cope with the humiliation of somebody finally freeing me but seeing my dirty carpets? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. :)
 
M

MickeyBlueBalls

Dear Deidre,
I was hoovering the other day in the buff when suddenly I tripped over the dog and accidentally inserted my penis into the end of the suction tube. After about 15 minutes I tried to remove myself from its grip but that goddamned twin syclone technology doesn't give up. In my panic at this predicament I spun around only to knock a sauce bottle off the kitchen unit. It was just bad timing that at that exact time I slipped and landed onto the sauce bottle (which oddly was in its upright position) and have now impaled myself. It just so happens that my handcuffs I use for work somehow managed to fall onto my wrists and lock. I've been here for two days now and even posted a blog asking for an ambulance which was ignored. There's now a burning smell coming from my Dyson (still no loss of suction) and the sparks aren't looking too good, my ass went to sleep a while ago now, there's sauce everywhere and the dogs are licking their lips. My problem is how do I cope with the humiliation of somebody finally freeing me but seeing my dirty carpets? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. :)
Ps Dyson having thoroughly tested your product I can only conclude your vacuum cleaners are the bollocks.. literally. They've just disappeared up the tube!