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Dear Deidre...

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by sthwalescpl, 6 February 2017.

  1. Had some fun with this in the past, so... here goes!
    My "friend" Deidre likes to help out those who are in a quandary, those who need advice or guidance, those who need help in reaching a decision, those who need a problem solved.
    However, be warned, she doesn't hold back, she shoots from the hip, and her advice can often be mis-understood by those who don't realise that underneath her gruff, schoolma'am-ish manner, beats a heart of gold.
    So, post away, but don't grumble at her advice, just follow it to the letter, and soon all your problems will be solved!*
    (*Disclaimer.. no responsibility can be accepted for any...erm... mis-understandings that arise as a result of acting upon Deidres expert advice, any and all mistakes are solely the responsibility of the person seeking guidance.)
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  2. Deidre says...

    Deidre says...

    Let me get this straight... you are a guy, and you wear knickers??? I think you have more of a problem than just colour co-ordination sweetie!
    But, live and let live I always say, so, to the matter in hand.
    I'm pretty sure that I can guess why your socks aren't matching your... erm, underwear, and that's because you are a man... you have no clue about separating the washing depending on colour, material etc, and this has led to your undies becoming all washed out, grey and monotone, and, as like all you men who think its trendy, you probably have a collection of garishly coloured socks (some maybe given as gifts by female relatives as a joke).
    So, the solution is obvious, either let your wife do the washing, at least then it will be done properly, or, and this is a very male solution, throw all your socks and undies into one wash at high temperature, the colours will all run in together and everything will match.
    I guess it's not true what they say, that guys who wear knickers are "good with colours!":palm:
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  3. Deidre says...
    Well, I can see the problem right there... you are a Sun reader, never mind, I wont mock the afflicted!
    As to your colour co-ordination problem, just take the...erm... underwear of choice to Burtons, or Man At C&A (aha), and ask a sales assistant to match them for you, although, being a Sun reader, maybe Poundland would be more in keeping.o_O
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  4. Deidre says...
    Please, sweetie, lets leave the giving of advice to the experts, shall we?
    Black indeed.... whatever next, downloading The Cure, or the Cult back catalogue, (or some other Goth/Emo dirge of your choice)!!!
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  5. There is a lady of the same name who attempts to dispense advice of a poor quality in that... periodical, but she is but a poor imitation of myself.
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  6. Deidre says...
    How very dare you... if you cant tell the difference between a qualified therapist and some snotty "woman who does", then its no wonder you feel the need to dress down! Shocking!:eek:
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  7. Deidre says...
    Well, white isn't the colour I would have picked for you sweetie, but I can see that wearing that colour would make you feel a little cleaner, so go for it I say!
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  8. Now then Deirdre pet,
    I have a friend who's penis has mysteriously turn green!
    any advise before it drops off?
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  9. Jenny79

    Jenny79 PV

    Dear deidre
    I'm a transgender m-f hi how would it be best to look after my puppy's and kitty?
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  10. Deidre says...
    Oh my, such a fussy over such a tiny thing!
    Left, right, or wrapped around your waist, it makes no difference.. the only time it shows your sexuality is when you stick it up a guys bum lol!
    And... I hate to break it to you, but if you harbour even the slightest idea that budgie smugglers are a good look, then I'm afraid there is no hope for you!
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  11. Deidre says...

    Tell your "friend" to stop messing around with elastic bands, whilst they might help "him" maintain a hard-on, they are not meant to be used for days on end, silly boy!
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  12. Deidre says...

    There are lots of very good catteries and kennels who will take good care of your pets, and ideally you should find one that takes both so as not to separate them too much.
  13. ShhhAgonyAunt

    ShhhAgonyAunt ShhhAgonyAunt Staff

    Good evening all, Just a quick reminder that you all have your own full time agony aunt on hand, right here on your site, for any serious/non serious swinging issues or Problems.
    I've a wealth of mature experience, and I and my partner are full swingers, I'm married, very happy, and I'm available most times, to help when, and if you need some impartial advice.
    and if not, I am probably in bed asleep, but leave me a private message and i will get back to you ASAP.
    I do have an odd holiday throughout the year, and will be not available at this time.
    Regards @ShhhAgonyAunt
    Last edited: 12 February 2017
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  14. Dear Deidre,
    I was hoovering the other day in the buff when suddenly I tripped over the dog and accidentally inserted my penis into the end of the suction tube. After about 15 minutes I tried to remove myself from its grip but that goddamned twin syclone technology doesn't give up. In my panic at this predicament I spun around only to knock a sauce bottle off the kitchen unit. It was just bad timing that at that exact time I slipped and landed onto the sauce bottle (which oddly was in its upright position) and have now impaled myself. It just so happens that my handcuffs I use for work somehow managed to fall onto my wrists and lock. I've been here for two days now and even posted a blog asking for an ambulance which was ignored. There's now a burning smell coming from my Dyson (still no loss of suction) and the sparks aren't looking too good, my ass went to sleep a while ago now, there's sauce everywhere and the dogs are licking their lips. My problem is how do I cope with the humiliation of somebody finally freeing me but seeing my dirty carpets? Your advice would be greatly appreciated. :)
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  15. Ps Dyson having thoroughly tested your product I can only conclude your vacuum cleaners are the bollocks.. literally. They've just disappeared up the tube!
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  16. :rofl:
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  17. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

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