Limits And Why

  • Please check your spam/junk folder after registration, for your email. Thank you
Welcome to our Swinging Community
Join now to meet other like-minded swingers.
Sign up
26 October 2018
3,739
8,234
70
Hopefully a little help to newcomers !
Why have limits in BDSM?

The amount of times I have heard or seen someone say they have no limits is ridiculous , everyone has limits it’s just they may not realise it yet,
Having limits while engaging in BDSM allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely. They never have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want, or will hurt them physically or mentally. They can give up all control, and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to completely let go, and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.

There are two kinds of limits- soft vs hard:
Soft
These are things that the sub maybe interested in but is hesitant about exploring. You cannot assume that just because someone has agreed to be a submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of soft limits are flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly. However, once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.
Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt plugs, gagging, wax play, and bondage with tape.

Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of receiving pain, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable, but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss what types of pain, punishments, and discipline are allowed, and the intensity and severity of each.

Hard sometimes called Boundaries
Both parties need to specify what they won’t do, and respect it. Examples could be things like: choking, anal sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play, and blood/urine/feces. Doms can have boundaries too. The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are uncomfortable with.

Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others. For example, a sub may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first. And sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so, the Dom should always make sure the sub really wants to and is giving their full consent.

Dom/sub requirement limits
Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far. One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

What to do if limits aren’t respected
If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.

So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.
 
W

MOTM

24 October 2018
11,308
46,989
Hopefully a little help to newcomers !
Why have limits in BDSM?

The amount of times I have heard or seen someone say they have no limits is ridiculous , everyone has limits it’s just they may not realise it yet,
Having limits while engaging in BDSM allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely. They never have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want, or will hurt them physically or mentally. They can give up all control, and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to completely let go, and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.

There are two kinds of limits- soft vs hard:
Soft
These are things that the sub maybe interested in but is hesitant about exploring. You cannot assume that just because someone has agreed to be a submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of soft limits are flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly. However, once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.
Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt plugs, gagging, wax play, and bondage with tape.

Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of receiving pain, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable, but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss what types of pain, punishments, and discipline are allowed, and the intensity and severity of each.

Hard sometimes called Boundaries
Both parties need to specify what they won’t do, and respect it. Examples could be things like: choking, anal sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play, and blood/urine/feces. Doms can have boundaries too. The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are uncomfortable with.

Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others. For example, a sub may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first. And sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so, the Dom should always make sure the sub really wants to and is giving their full consent.

Dom/sub requirement limits
Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far. One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

What to do if limits aren’t respected
If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.

So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.
Curiosity roused, hope you don’t mind if I ask a question, the contract between the Dom and the Sub. Are these always written contracts and signed by both parties???
 
  • Like
Reactions: Therapon
26 October 2018
3,739
8,234
70
Curiosity roused, hope you don’t mind if I ask a question, the contract between the Dom and the Sub. Are these always written contracts and signed by both parties???

Sometimes yes sometimes no it’s different for everyone, they are an agreement no more, and have little or no standing legally
Each couple decide their own details I’ve seen literally back of a fag packet, and 20 odd pages !
Hope this helps
 
W

MOTM

24 October 2018
11,308
46,989
Sometimes yes sometimes no it’s different for everyone, they are an agreement no more, and have little or no standing legally
Each couple decide their own details I’ve seen literally back of a fag packet, and 20 odd pages !
Hope this helps
Ty x
 

Therapon

Admin
11 August 2015
24,400
47,323
Curiosity roused, hope you don’t mind if I ask a question, the contract between the Dom and the Sub. Are these always written contracts and signed by both parties???

No, most are verbal agreements. A written contract is possible but is probably not enforceable.
 
14 February 2017
859
3,224
City
London
Hopefully a little help to newcomers !
Why have limits in BDSM?

The amount of times I have heard or seen someone say they have no limits is ridiculous , everyone has limits it’s just they may not realise it yet,
Having limits while engaging in BDSM allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely. They never have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want, or will hurt them physically or mentally. They can give up all control, and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to completely let go, and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.

There are two kinds of limits- soft vs hard:
Soft
These are things that the sub maybe interested in but is hesitant about exploring. You cannot assume that just because someone has agreed to be a submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of soft limits are flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly. However, once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.
Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt plugs, gagging, wax play, and bondage with tape.

Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of receiving pain, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable, but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss what types of pain, punishments, and discipline are allowed, and the intensity and severity of each.

Hard sometimes called Boundaries
Both parties need to specify what they won’t do, and respect it. Examples could be things like: choking, anal sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play, and blood/urine/feces. Doms can have boundaries too. The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are uncomfortable with.

Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others. For example, a sub may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first. And sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so, the Dom should always make sure the sub really wants to and is giving their full consent.

Dom/sub requirement limits
Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far. One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

What to do if limits aren’t respected
If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.

So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.

Thank for this! :)
 
F

FreshFunkySLB

I think the thing to remember in any sexual act between you and somebody else regardless of BDSM or not is that if one states they are not comfortable with something that the other/others respect it. Ask questions around the limits to see if it’s something that can be worked towards or is a total no go but never ever ignore the limits xx
 
26 October 2018
3,739
8,234
70
A soft limit is or should be permitted to be pushed against over time whether Ds or nilla

A hard limit or boundary can never be crossed, even if requested or pleaded for by the sub / partner whilst in space

I have given this example before but I’m willing to reiterate it

A sub I know had been brutally throat gang banged resulting in both physical and mental trauma, so was incapable of deep throat or indeed oral to any great degree.

This young lady hit space incredibly easy with me and when she did she would immediately try and swallow my shaft, I literally had to use a fist around my shaft to restrict her and pull her off by her hair and distract her with another activity or if she persisted bring her out of space and give her aftercare

Now just imagine what would happen if I had been an unscrupulous wannabe dom (small d)
 

Admin

Admin
15 September 2014
39,127
95,504
I am tempted to convert this thread to an article, if okay with you @Stew - failing that, you can copy/paste and perhaps create a new one? (Article that is..) Which I can then promote from the homepage?
 
26 October 2018
3,739
8,234
70
I am tempted to convert this thread to an article, if okay with you @Stew - failing that, you can copy/paste and perhaps create a new one? (Article that is..) Which I can then promote from the homepage?
Please do I wouldn’t know how ! And thank you