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Limits And Why

By Stew · 1 February 2019 ·
  1. Stew

    Stew PV Sprtr

    Hopefully a little help to newcomers !
    Why have limits in BDSM?

    The amount of times I have heard or seen someone say they have no limits is ridiculous , everyone has limits it’s just they may not realise it yet,
    Having limits while engaging in BDSM allows the submissive to explore their sensuality safely. They never have to be afraid that their Dom is going to do something they don’t want, or will hurt them physically or mentally. They can give up all control, and be free from making the decisions. Dominants benefit from set rules also because it takes the guess-work out of what their sub will and won’t do. Both individuals will be able to completely let go, and fully enjoy living the lifestyle.

    There are two kinds of limits- soft vs hard:
    These are things that the sub maybe interested in but is hesitant about exploring. You cannot assume that just because someone has agreed to be a submissive that they are OK with everything. The boundaries of soft limits are flexible as the Dom sees fit and the submissive agrees to push and expand slowly. However, once something has been decided upon (hopefully in a contract) it can be freely asked or demanded.
    Some examples are: oral sex, swallowing semen, nipple clamps, spanking, flogging, being blindfolded, butt plugs, gagging, wax play, and bondage with tape.

    Another soft limit is the sub’s tolerance of receiving pain, which can be worked up slowly and with consent. Light bruises might be acceptable and tolerable, but permanent scars or marks may not be. Always discuss what types of pain, punishments, and discipline are allowed, and the intensity and severity of each.

    Hard sometimes called Boundaries
    Both parties need to specify what they won’t do, and respect it. Examples could be things like: choking, anal sex, electro play, fisting, needles, suspension bondage, whipping, caning, fire play, and blood/urine/feces. Doms can have boundaries too. The point is, no one should be pressured to do something that they are uncomfortable with.

    Limits can change over time, and some can be more fluid than others. For example, a sub may only be comfortable with something like rimming on some occasions, but their Dom has to ask first. And sometimes boundaries can soften in the presence of alcohol, but even so, the Dom should always make sure the sub really wants to and is giving their full consent.

    Dom/sub requirement limits
    Requirements are not always talked about online when discussing the subject of limits but they deserve to be mentioned. These would be things that a partner has to have. It could be, “I need you to pull my hair when we have sex in doggie style.” Or, “If a punishment makes me cry, good aftercare is a must.”

    Remember: Safewords can help establish limits too. If a couple is exploring something new like anal play, safewords can help guide the Dom as to what is acceptable and what is too far. One of the roles of a good Dom is to push the boundaries of their sub a little, to see what they are and aren’t OK with.

    What to do if limits aren’t respected
    If boundaries aren’t respected it really depends on the situation and the individuals involved. Sometimes for a seemingly minor offense the Dom could be warned never to do that again. But for more major breaches of trust, submissive always has the power to terminate the relationship. And it’s always a good idea to discuss beforehand the consequences of breaking a contract.

    So as you can see, limits are for the benefit of everyone involved, and are in no way restrictive. To make it easier for you, try creating a list, either by yourself or with your partner. Ultimately this will bring more pleasure and trust to the relationship.
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  2. Welshcouple59

    Welshcouple59 PV Sprtr

    Curiosity roused, hope you don’t mind if I ask a question, the contract between the Dom and the Sub. Are these always written contracts and signed by both parties???
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  3. Stew

    Stew PV Sprtr

    Sometimes yes sometimes no it’s different for everyone, they are an agreement no more, and have little or no standing legally
    Each couple decide their own details I’ve seen literally back of a fag packet, and 20 odd pages !
    Hope this helps
  4. Welshcouple59

    Welshcouple59 PV Sprtr

    Ty x
  5. Therapon

    Therapon Admin Admin Sprtr

    No, most are verbal agreements. A written contract is possible but is probably not enforceable.
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  6. Ahabs

    Ahabs PV Sprtr

    Thank for this! :)
  7. Stew

    Stew PV Sprtr

  8. Welshcouple59

    Welshcouple59 PV Sprtr

    Ty x
  9. FreshFunkySLB

    FreshFunkySLB PV Sprtr

    I think the thing to remember in any sexual act between you and somebody else regardless of BDSM or not is that if one states they are not comfortable with something that the other/others respect it. Ask questions around the limits to see if it’s something that can be worked towards or is a total no go but never ever ignore the limits xx
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  10. Stew

    Stew PV Sprtr

    A soft limit is or should be permitted to be pushed against over time whether Ds or nilla

    A hard limit or boundary can never be crossed, even if requested or pleaded for by the sub / partner whilst in space

    I have given this example before but I’m willing to reiterate it

    A sub I know had been brutally throat gang banged resulting in both physical and mental trauma, so was incapable of deep throat or indeed oral to any great degree.

    This young lady hit space incredibly easy with me and when she did she would immediately try and swallow my shaft, I literally had to use a fist around my shaft to restrict her and pull her off by her hair and distract her with another activity or if she persisted bring her out of space and give her aftercare

    Now just imagine what would happen if I had been an unscrupulous wannabe dom (small d)
  11. Admin

    Admin Administrator Admin

    I am tempted to convert this thread to an article, if okay with you @Stew - failing that, you can copy/paste and perhaps create a new one? (Article that is..) Which I can then promote from the homepage?
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  12. Stew

    Stew PV Sprtr

    Please do I wouldn’t know how ! And thank you
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  13. Admin

    Admin Administrator Admin

    Done and thank you. (y)
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  14. Miss-Sexy-Legs

    Miss-Sexy-Legs Moderator Staff Sprtr

    Read this exact same article some while back dom sub living a great read then as is now thanx for reminding me @Stew
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  15. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    I am into a little choking. Don’t know why. Just thought I’d mention it :D
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  16. SteLinda

    SteLinda PV Sprtr

    Prob on your mind because of the BJ thread ;)
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  17. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    Yes, you do enjoy the odd choke now and again - especially at climax! Phwooooarrr :sneaky: ;) xx
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  18. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    Harder please :notworthy::notworthy:
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  19. Lips_Pearls

    Lips_Pearls PV Sprtr

    Michael Hutchins. Nuff said. :D
    But will do! :whistle: Xx
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  20. Pearls

    Pearls Site Owner Staff Admin

    • Funny Funny x 2
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