MOTM
Cheating
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Trixi_13
I have been a victim of cheating. Hence as to why I shy away from a relationship. I don't want to go through that much emotional harm again.
Just catching up during a break, am only on P1 but have to agree with this. We’ve seen so so many times; people’s relationships end in tears as they thought this was a quick fix to everything going on for them. X
D
Deleted member 11852
I feel like I have to reply to this as it has got me quite angry. I feel you are judging people without even knowing them. We are a very happily married couple and have been together for 22yrs. We have a fantastic sex life and have nothing missing in our marriage. Swinging to us is getting to know other people socially and if anything else comes from that it is all extra fun. Having said that being on this site with these amazing people has driven my confidence (M) to a new limit and I thank them for that. We could walk away now and have no regrets about the time we have spent here. Before you make comments like this you should be able to walk in other peoples shoes. Sorry if this sounds harsh but it’s how I feel M
Good reasons for cheating?
There aren’t any. There are justifications, there are excuses, there are even ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ reasons, but it’s impossible to claim that deceit and flat out lies are objectively ‘good’.
I’ve not hidden - I’ve gone out of my way not to - that after several years in an entirely celibate marriage I discovered this scene, and a series of events led me to being a full participator in it before the marriage formally ended.
BUT, as I said in that post/thread:
There aren’t any good reasons to cheat; there are just reasons.
There aren’t any. There are justifications, there are excuses, there are even ‘it seemed like a good idea at the time’ reasons, but it’s impossible to claim that deceit and flat out lies are objectively ‘good’.
I’ve not hidden - I’ve gone out of my way not to - that after several years in an entirely celibate marriage I discovered this scene, and a series of events led me to being a full participator in it before the marriage formally ended.
BUT, as I said in that post/thread:
There aren’t any good reasons to cheat; there are just reasons.
MOTM
Good honest post hun
D
Deleted member 11852
Well I have to say this post has disturbed me more than I thought it would !
And after reading the responses I am now going to answer differently to how I would have answered this morning !
Yes I’m married and I’ve never ever tried to hide the fact either on my first time here or this time !
No there is no excuse for cheating and one day I’m sure I will live to regret it , but whilst there are no excuses there are mitigating circumstances that come into play !
The day to day life of my marriage is absolutely fine most of the time , the odd spat and argument but nothing major !
However having read most of the posts on the subject today I think it’s time to (quite sadly) hand in my SS membership card, this is no reflection on anyone in the membership at all, I have made some fabulous friends ! Xx
And after reading the responses I am now going to answer differently to how I would have answered this morning !
Yes I’m married and I’ve never ever tried to hide the fact either on my first time here or this time !
No there is no excuse for cheating and one day I’m sure I will live to regret it , but whilst there are no excuses there are mitigating circumstances that come into play !
The day to day life of my marriage is absolutely fine most of the time , the odd spat and argument but nothing major !
However having read most of the posts on the subject today I think it’s time to (quite sadly) hand in my SS membership card, this is no reflection on anyone in the membership at all, I have made some fabulous friends ! Xx
MOTM
This is about cheating in the scene and has nothing to do with individual circumstances,
D
Deleted member 1030
Seems a bit extreme @Stew - You don't have to agree with everyone's opinion to be a member on here. Hendrix knows I don't.
Indeed; never suggested otherwise. As you’ll have even both from my post, and the link therein, I was in a situation where if I wanted to have sex, or even talk about sex openly, I ‘had to’ play away from home.
And sure, anyone - including me in the situation I was in - could offer ‘mitigating circumstances’ as a defence. And I was open with anyone I played with; that I was married, and my wife didn’t know about my… activities.
The only thing on which I suspect we’d differ is whether or not my circumstances truly mitigated what I did.
I’ve been on the receiving end of a cheat within the swinging world.
My ex partner was playing away from home before he became emotionally and physically abusive to me.
He was caught, he had registered on various dating sites and was meeting women, chatting online to them. He even ‘liked’ the profile of one of my friends which is ultimately how he ended up being caught.
He would ****** people from here without my knowledge too.
I was mortified when he was arrested before we split. The charges were horrific.
We split a few weeks later with him facing even more charges for what he had then done to me.
Cheating does happen in any lifestyle. Why it would happen in the swinging world is beyond me as I think I was probably more open to him having fun than me.
I just hope that no one ever has to go through what I have been through this past year.
Cheating hurts. It stays with people for a long long time. It affects the ability to trust again. It ruins lives xx
My ex partner was playing away from home before he became emotionally and physically abusive to me.
He was caught, he had registered on various dating sites and was meeting women, chatting online to them. He even ‘liked’ the profile of one of my friends which is ultimately how he ended up being caught.
He would ****** people from here without my knowledge too.
I was mortified when he was arrested before we split. The charges were horrific.
We split a few weeks later with him facing even more charges for what he had then done to me.
Cheating does happen in any lifestyle. Why it would happen in the swinging world is beyond me as I think I was probably more open to him having fun than me.
I just hope that no one ever has to go through what I have been through this past year.
Cheating hurts. It stays with people for a long long time. It affects the ability to trust again. It ruins lives xx
D
Deleted member 11852
We have total admiration for your openness on this private time in your life. Thank you for sharing with us and we are just so made up you are getting through it and have come back. Hopefully your trust in people can be built upon in every aspect of your life. M and W xx
Thank you both.
It took a lot of courage for me to end the abuse. But I have the live and support of a lot of people.
I am lucky.
I made a decision that I was not a victim, I am a survivor.
Cheats are the victims because ultimately they are they ones who will be on their own. They are victims of themselves.
I am back and stronger than ever because I refuse to let the actions of another ruin my life.
I have a new found confidence.
I may always struggle to trust but I will never hide myself away because of another person again xx
Cheating is a nasty thing, it shows a great lack of respect for the person being cheated on.
People should be honest with others and themselves, if your not happy or satisfied in the relationship then say, if someone's wants to play with others then say and if the partner is not into it then conversations need to be had about where they go from there.
Be honest and respectful of the person your in a relationship with, otherwise why in the world are you in a relationship if you are not going to do those two things.
.. and now I shall jump off my soap box
People should be honest with others and themselves, if your not happy or satisfied in the relationship then say, if someone's wants to play with others then say and if the partner is not into it then conversations need to be had about where they go from there.
Be honest and respectful of the person your in a relationship with, otherwise why in the world are you in a relationship if you are not going to do those two things.
.. and now I shall jump off my soap box
MOTM
Did you read any messages or was he deleting them?
You’re better off without the cheating scumbag though
I wasnt intending to reply to this thread again, but I find myself grinding my teeth so feel obliged to get a few things straight.
The word "cheating" implies dishonesty within the context of the contract (legal or implied) between two individuals. The contract has nothing to do with "society" or it's religion-based mores, and none of society's "approved" sexual activity occurs in public anyway.
Our own relationship is honest and open, and our contract requires neither exclusivity nor ownership. We do not cheat, by any interpretation of either the letter or spirit.
And while were at it; we aren't "missing anything at home" either. We enjoy variety and the occasional change of scene, and like to learn new things. Think of it like this; are you unfaithful to your home if you go abroad on holiday once on a while?
Now we quite understand that there are plenty of real cheats out there, but we'd really prefer it if people would refrain from tarring us with that brush!
The word "cheating" implies dishonesty within the context of the contract (legal or implied) between two individuals. The contract has nothing to do with "society" or it's religion-based mores, and none of society's "approved" sexual activity occurs in public anyway.
Our own relationship is honest and open, and our contract requires neither exclusivity nor ownership. We do not cheat, by any interpretation of either the letter or spirit.
And while were at it; we aren't "missing anything at home" either. We enjoy variety and the occasional change of scene, and like to learn new things. Think of it like this; are you unfaithful to your home if you go abroad on holiday once on a while?
Now we quite understand that there are plenty of real cheats out there, but we'd really prefer it if people would refrain from tarring us with that brush!
MOTM
You guys are honest with each other though and are open with what you do.
I agree.
Completely agree.
Once again, fully agree.
Just had to join in.
In our relationship Ry has had a few long term girlfriends and most people when they hear this cant understand and think that since we are married that is cheating. But it has all been with my knowledge and consent as I feel that since she is very bi then if she was limited to myself then she would be not able to be her true self and might end up turning full lesbian and the relationship could fail. This way we have many 3 sums, she gets to be married to myself and also gets the occasional girly time without me.
We are now exploring the couples/swinging side of things not because there is anything missing but just to enjoy things and have fun. Just because you have as much water as you ever need to drink doesnt mean you would not drink champagne.
I have always believed that I would hate to get to my death bed and think " I wish I had done that" so life is for living and enjoying.
Cheating is done without the others knowledge and there is never an excuse, if you cannot be truthful and honest with your life partner then you cannot be truthful and honest with anyone. In my experience cheaters are self-obsessed and selfish. Only thinking of what they can get and what they need, and always end up destroying relationships. If a relationship lacks sex due to any reason and one party "goes elsewhere", when it is done with the partners knowledge and consent there is usually no issue, when it is done behind the partners back it usually ends in disaster.
In short
Cheating. BAD
Honesty and Trust. GOOD
And yes we have experienced cheaters, both male and female and the break ups that ensue.
In our relationship Ry has had a few long term girlfriends and most people when they hear this cant understand and think that since we are married that is cheating. But it has all been with my knowledge and consent as I feel that since she is very bi then if she was limited to myself then she would be not able to be her true self and might end up turning full lesbian and the relationship could fail. This way we have many 3 sums, she gets to be married to myself and also gets the occasional girly time without me.
We are now exploring the couples/swinging side of things not because there is anything missing but just to enjoy things and have fun. Just because you have as much water as you ever need to drink doesnt mean you would not drink champagne.
I have always believed that I would hate to get to my death bed and think " I wish I had done that" so life is for living and enjoying.
Cheating is done without the others knowledge and there is never an excuse, if you cannot be truthful and honest with your life partner then you cannot be truthful and honest with anyone. In my experience cheaters are self-obsessed and selfish. Only thinking of what they can get and what they need, and always end up destroying relationships. If a relationship lacks sex due to any reason and one party "goes elsewhere", when it is done with the partners knowledge and consent there is usually no issue, when it is done behind the partners back it usually ends in disaster.
In short
Cheating. BAD
Honesty and Trust. GOOD
And yes we have experienced cheaters, both male and female and the break ups that ensue.
I read the messages, he wasn’t clever enough to hide things that well. But even when faced with the evidence would deny and make out it wasn’t him.Did you read any messages or was he deleting them?
You’re better off without the cheating scumbag though
100% better off without him in my life. I finally feel as though I am free x
MOTM
The last woman I lived with had a secret account on the other site; over 100 verifications.........
..... Now you can either let it destroy you, or remove yourself from the scenario. You see everything that is important in life, ultimately boils down to one choice "hold on" or "let go", sometimes we should hold on (to dreams, life itself, our friends/family, the positive aspects of our life) and well sometimes we have to let go of the things we love, or hold dear, because ultimately this is the best choice for us.......
How didn't I know about the 100+ men? I guess I did, I just didn't want to; until it was there in black and white, it was surreal. Once quite early in our relationship; I accused her of cheating; she turned it around, made out it was all in my head; almost convinced me I was going insane, so I left it; I didn't want to be mad......
....Now I stay away from relationships, its not about trust or honesty; I just don't like exposing my vulnerability anymore; it has hardened my heart....sigh
..... Now you can either let it destroy you, or remove yourself from the scenario. You see everything that is important in life, ultimately boils down to one choice "hold on" or "let go", sometimes we should hold on (to dreams, life itself, our friends/family, the positive aspects of our life) and well sometimes we have to let go of the things we love, or hold dear, because ultimately this is the best choice for us.......
How didn't I know about the 100+ men? I guess I did, I just didn't want to; until it was there in black and white, it was surreal. Once quite early in our relationship; I accused her of cheating; she turned it around, made out it was all in my head; almost convinced me I was going insane, so I left it; I didn't want to be mad......
....Now I stay away from relationships, its not about trust or honesty; I just don't like exposing my vulnerability anymore; it has hardened my heart....sigh