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Deleted member 11852

So don’t know how this is going to pan out but here we go. If you are chatting with someone privately and you decide it’s no longer what you want to do, do you be open and honest?? Or do you carry on because you feel you have to??? Personally I have not had this happen but will be interesting to see if it does happen xx M
 
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fincon

fincon

10 July 2018
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Welshcouple59 said:
So don’t know how this is going to pan out but here we go. If you are chatting with someone privately and you decide it’s no longer what you want to do, do you be open and honest?? Or do you carry on because you feel you have to??? Personally I have not had this happen but will be interesting to see if it does happen xx M
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Open and honest; the worst that’ll happen is they get put out sooner rather than later. Only thing worse than someone’s honesty upsetting you… is discovering later they misled you and only continued chatting out of politeness.

Chatting shouldn’t be a chore. If it is a chore, one of you is chatting to the wrong person… xx
 
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TherLegs

MOTM

TherLegs

11 December 2016
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We just say something along the lines of "Thanks for the chat but we don't think we are what you are looking for"
There is no point in continuing to chat if there is no interest so best be honest and say it sooner rather than carry on trying to show an interest you haven't got or getting.
 
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Ahabs

Ahabs

14 February 2017
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The way I look at it, we only have one Life to live, which means with interests outside swinging taking up biggest chunk of time, there's limited time for swinging. I feel it's therefore safe to say of all the people we could be interested in, it's important to spend time with the right people having the better chances of "taking things further".

With that said, if I'm talking to someone and they aren't interested, PLEASE put me out of my misery SOONER rather than later, so I can invest what's left of my limited time in people that do want to take things further.

No point dragging things on (in some cases, years) in the name of (best case scenario) "oh, I didn't want to hurt your feelings" or (worst case scenario) "I hoped you'd get the hint".

I'm a guy. I don't get hints.
I don't get subtle hints.
I don't get obvious hints.
Want me to get the message? Use words and clear communication.
If we were meant to be psychic and mind readers, we would be.
If you fail to use words, and worry I'm still "perstering" you years later, that's your fault, not mine.

So yes, sooner rather than later please, I do appreciate that :)
 
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Deleted member 8095

I've been involved in a few chats where I'm left wondering and trying to read between the lines, I prefer both to be open about things but also for the other person/people to be so too.

If you would like to meet, be open and ask, after all we're all here for the same thing after all !!

Honesty is always the best policy (P)
 
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Ahabs

Ahabs

14 February 2017
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Horny_Essex_Pair said:
I've been involved in a few chats where I'm left wondering and trying to read between the lines, I prefer both to be open about things but also for the other person/people to be so too.

If you would like to meet, be open and ask, after all we're all here for the same thing after all !!

Honesty is always the best policy (P)
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On the flip side, I can be quite shy about asking if I can't see any clear signs of interest, and don't want to misread anything and assume polite chat is "clear sign of interest": I've been fooled before.

Yes, I understand a lady putting her hand on my crotch is NOT clear sign of interest: in her words, she "just wanted to touch it, nothing more".

So, there's the bar: if you want me to ask, you need to be clearer than above.
 
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D

Deleted member 8095

Ahabs said:
On the flip side, I can be quite shy about asking if I can't see any clear signs of interest, and don't want to misread anything and assume polite chat is "clear sign of interest": I've been fooled before.

Yes, I understand a lady putting her hand on my crotch is NOT clear sign of interest: in her words, she "just wanted to touch it, nothing more".

So, there's the bar: if you want me to ask, you need to be clearer than above.
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Once the polite conversation has been had and it's been judged of there is a rapport or not, if one feels that there 'maybe something' then ask ! Something along the lines of 'would you/ both of you like to enjoy a social and see if we hit it off in person, with a view to taking things further?'
Doesn't have to be a crude message or even in the first message, but in my opinion, someone's gotta ask the question !!
 
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Ahabs

Ahabs

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Horny_Essex_Pair said:
Once the polite conversation has been had and it's been judged of there is a rapport or not, if one feels that there 'maybe something' then ask ! Something along the lines of 'would you/ both of you like to enjoy a social and see if we hit it off in person, with a view to taking things further?'
Doesn't have to be a crude message or even in the first message, but in my opinion, someone's gotta ask the question !!
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You have no idea the number of times I've thought the same, asked the question, and got "oh, sorry you got the wrong impression, we think you're a lovely person, enjoy your company and could see us bring friends ... But no more".

I seem to make "friends" easily :)
 
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D

Deleted member 8095

Ahabs said:
You have no idea the number of times I've thought the same, asked the question, and got "oh, sorry you got the wrong impression, we think you're a lovely person, enjoy your company and could see us bring friends ... But no more".

I seem to make "friends" easily :)
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On the flip side of that however, you've asked the question and now have your answer, so therfore can direct your energies and attention in another more appropriate direction! always try to find the positive aspect :)
 
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Ahabs

Ahabs

14 February 2017
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Horny_Essex_Pair said:
On the flip side of that however, you've asked the question and now have your answer, so therfore can direct your energies and attention in another more appropriate direction! always try to find the positive aspect :)
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Oh I get that, it's just the confusing situation I end up in when, on redirecting time and energy, I get a message later alluding to ignoring said friends. Which to be fair, I can see how I could be guilty of this.
That tricky "Just cause we don't play doesn't mean we can't be friends?" conversation. I make it harder for myself sometimes :)
 
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D

Deleted member 8095

Ahabs said:
Oh I get that, it's just the confusing situation I end up in when, on redirecting time and energy, I get a message later alluding to ignoring said friends. Which to be fair, I can see how I could be guilty of this.
That tricky "Just cause we don't play doesn't mean we can't be friends?" conversation. I make it harder for myself sometimes :)
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I think the answer to that conundrum would depend on your being congruent, if your happy with friends only status in the swinging lifestyle then great, but if however you'd prefer to concentrate your communications with people whom with there is a chance of 'further exploration' then I'd say that, as you previously stated we don't all have a massive amount of time to give to swinging; real life, work, family and friends take a massive amount and swinging gets what's left.
Sometimes we have to be honest because in the end, this is your journey and not theirs.
 
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Ahabs

Ahabs

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Horny_Essex_Pair said:
I think the answer to that conundrum would depend on your being congruent, if your happy with friends only status in the swinging lifestyle then great, but if however you'd prefer to concentrate your communications with people whom with there is a chance of 'further exploration' then I'd say that, as you previously stated we don't all have a massive amount of time to give to swinging; real life, work, family and friends take a massive amount and swinging gets what's left.
Sometimes we have to be honest because in the end, this is your journey and not theirs.
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This is true. Wise words.
 
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Lace

Lace

22 March 2015
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Welshcouple59 said:
So don’t know how this is going to pan out but here we go. If you are chatting with someone privately and you decide it’s no longer what you want to do, do you be open and honest?? Or do you carry on because you feel you have to??? Personally I have not had this happen but will be interesting to see if it does happen xx M
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Tell them that you don’t think it’s going anywhere or block the account or drop in the conversation that you suffer with a few rashes :lol:
 
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GeoffRy

GeoffRy

1 September 2018
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Horny_Essex_Pair said:
Sometimes we have to be honest because in the end, this is your journey and not theirs.
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This really resonated with me. Each person/couple is on their own journey, if/when we meet people to include in our journeys then brilliant, but we are all on our own intersecting journeys and shouldnt be upset/put off when other peoples desires/choices dont match ours.

ENJOY YOUR OWN LIFE/JOURNEY TO THE MAX PEOPLE and dont sweat the small stuff. X G
 
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