The scene and all fetish scenes are very small, those to stand my bars and do nothing else, ok bearing in mind they might be very nervous, though if numerous attempts have been made to make them feel welcome, then they won't get anything from the evening, unless they get off being voyeurs, and probably end up being disappointed, suppose that e.l.james ?? book has something to do with it!
As for men also blanking it happens, but you soon learn who they are if man or woman, especially if your going to events and chatting to others, about catfishing and stuff.
Part of what is putting me of going to some of the swinger bars especially in Manchester is the weird dress code to dress smartly all in black!? If I'm going to fetish night I should be able to cover up how I want especially if I have gear on underneath, as why else would I be there ?