Affairs In Swinging

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Beachgirl81

We've had requests for home meets from swinger couples who are married to other people and have always said 'no thanks' - not because of any moral objections as we both had affairs when married to our exes, but because of the potential for things to go wrong. The thought of the other man or woman turning up here, or finding our address or number and harassing us or citing us in any divorce are things we could do without! We wouldn't have any objection to playing with such couples in clubs in fact we probably have at some time. You just don't know.

At the start of our relationship we agreed not to have hidden affairs and to discuss things if we were tempted. So far it hasn't happened; swinging gives us all we need, but R and the man from our couple best friends have always had a bit of a thing going. They always have great sex and are very close, it's more than just swinging but theres no deceit. They don't want to meet up separately or take things further, but their closeness is one of the reasons we bareback with them and always sleep swapped when they come to stay or holiday together. His wife and I aren't bothered - I get to bareback and sleep with her too, obviously. She is very uninhibited and is a good friend but we don't have the same connection as R and her husband.

I've read your reply very carefully and would like to find out a little more about your experience with your couple of you don't mind. We also have a couple that we get on with both in and out of the bedroom. Have not fully swapped yet just soft swap. But when we are together whether Dinner out or whatever. I am with D and J is with my husband.

So you mind if I PM you?
 
4 July 2017
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2,654
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Glastonbury
Have you had one?
Do you know of anyone that has?

If so what was the outcome and feeling about it.:)
Define "affair", first off.

Non-monogamy is one thing, if your lifestyle permits more than one partner. That's not an affair. Similarly, a man who has sex with prostitutes or a wandering partner in a gay marriage are not usually considered to be affairs. Therefore, we're considering an attachment or emotions for another person, outside a relationship, something beyond the physical.

I would therefore include an emotional attachment as the defining characteristic of an affair.

That being the case, I've had a few.
 
3 July 2017
846
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Okehampton
For me, it comes down to choice.... You see the person cheating will justify their actions for a number of reasons, normally because they are unfulfilled at home yadayada... and I think, well okay, but maybe your partner also feels unfulfilled, so by keeping up the pretence that YOU are faithful, they also remain faithful and don't stray. But the cheater is straying, and by being dishonest they are denying their partner choice, they are "cake and eat it types", they also think that because they can't get fulfilled at home its okay to lie to the person they are in a relationship with.... this is usually followed by a "I am honest" on their profile....

.... now ask yourself, are they honest? Would you trust them? Most people claim to still love the person that they cheat on, but because of a lack of fulfilment they would like to go elsewhere for jollies.... so let me get this straight.... you are going to be honest with me, a person you do not know, but lie to someone you claim to love (whilst denying them the choice you are exercising).... so you always play protected? (etc. etc.)

Cheaters on these type of sites often don't understand why many people won't meet them.... read the above, and ask yourself, would you meet someone who denies choice to a person they "still love" whilst also lying to that person...

... I wouldn't but I have unintentionally.... Let me tell you, having a man sobbing his heart out at your kitchen table because the woman he is so in love with felt compelled to lie to us both so she could get her fanny filled is a most unpleasant event...
 
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Admin

Admin
15 September 2014
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For me, it comes down to choice.... You see the person cheating will justify their actions for a number of reasons, normally because they are unfulfilled at home yadayada... and I think, well okay, but maybe your partner also feels unfulfilled, so by keeping up the pretence that YOU are faithful, they also remain faithful and don't stray. But the cheater is straying, and by being dishonest they are denying their partner choice, they are "cake and eat it types", they also think that because they can't get fulfilled at home its okay to lie to the person they are in a relationship with.... this is usually followed by a "I am honest" on their profile....

.... now ask yourself, are they honest? Would you trust them? Most people claim to still love the person that they cheat on, but because of a lack of fulfilment they would like to go elsewhere for jollies.... so let me get this straight.... you are going to be honest with me, a person you do not know, but lie to someone you claim to love (whilst denying them the choice you are exercising).... so you always play protected? (etc. etc.)

Cheaters on these type of sites often don't understand why many people won't meet them.... read the above, and ask yourself, would you meet someone who denies choice to a person they "still love" whilst also lying to that person...

... I wouldn't but I have unintentionally.... Let me tell you, having a man sobbing his heart out at your kitchen table because the woman he is so in love with felt compelled to lie to us both so she could get her fanny filled is a most unpleasant event...
Agreed.
Nothing else to say to that. x
 
4 July 2017
4,745
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Glastonbury
I agree. But not sure what else to say. I should use our personal account here.
Hear you totally.
It's well, yes, maybe, in an ideal world shorn of extenuating circumstance, human frailties, jealousy and cowardice maybe we'd all learn to conduct our 'affairs' in a completely honest and open fashion.

But humans aren't neat and tidy, and we get things wrong.

I suppose what I'm driving at is that I feel this set of ideals is unrealistic and doesn't take account of the honest truth that people are want to lie. For a multitude of reasons, not all bad. It's human nature. Just like people getting jealous, no matter how above board it is. The theory is too idealistic for me. It's a bit like the risks people can take with their sexual health whilst being all chaste and "Oh, I'd never do that!" in public. I assume nothing.

And well, I, for one, get a little kick when I pitch my tent on someone else's lawn for a while.

Don't think any of this makes me particularly bad, per se, so I'll just sit here and eat my cake noisily. Or pretend I'm Cassandra. Or something.
 

Admin

Admin
15 September 2014
39,127
95,495
It's well, yes, maybe, in an ideal world shorn of extenuating circumstance, human frailties, jealousy and cowardice maybe we'd all learn to conduct our 'affairs' in a completely honest and open fashion.

But humans aren't neat and tidy, and we get things wrong.

I suppose what I'm driving at is that I feel this set of ideals is unrealistic and doesn't take account of the honest truth that people are want to lie. For a multitude of reasons, not all bad. It's human nature. Just like people getting jealous, no matter how above board it is. The theory is too idealistic for me. It's a bit like the risks people can take with their sexual health whilst being all chaste and "Oh, I'd never do that!" in public. I assume nothing.

And well, I, for one, get a little kick when I pitch my tent on someone else's lawn for a while.

Don't think any of this makes me particularly bad, per se, so I'll just sit here and eat my cake noisily. Or pretend I'm Cassandra. Or something.
Agreed. With that I will say no more from here, but agree of course.
 
3 July 2017
846
1,660
48
City
Okehampton
It's well, yes, maybe, in an ideal world shorn of extenuating circumstance, human frailties, jealousy and cowardice maybe we'd all learn to conduct our 'affairs' in a completely honest and open fashion.

But humans aren't neat and tidy, and we get things wrong.

I suppose what I'm driving at is that I feel this set of ideals is unrealistic and doesn't take account of the honest truth that people are want to lie. For a multitude of reasons, not all bad. It's human nature. Just like people getting jealous, no matter how above board it is. The theory is too idealistic for me. It's a bit like the risks people can take with their sexual health whilst being all chaste and "Oh, I'd never do that!" in public. I assume nothing.

And well, I, for one, get a little kick when I pitch my tent on someone else's lawn for a while.

Don't think any of this makes me particularly bad, per se, so I'll just sit here and eat my cake noisily. Or pretend I'm Cassandra. Or something.

I live in a world where love does not exist Joe, what would I know? I see most things as functional, necessary. However my choices seldom restrict others. There are some things that make me smile, but ultimately you probably know me better than anyone; yet do not know me at all. For someone to deny choice is the greatest of crimes, it is control, and whilst one could argue that the one denying is "controlling" their own existence they are also controlling the boundaries of another life by being dishonest. But this is my mind, and I respect yours.
 
4 July 2017
4,745
2,654
City
Glastonbury
I live in a world where love does not exist Joe, what would I know? I see most things as functional, necessary. However my choices seldom restrict others. There are some things that make me smile, but ultimately you probably know me better than anyone; yet do not know me at all. For someone to deny choice is the greatest of crimes, it is control, and whilst one could argue that the one denying is "controlling" their own existence they are also controlling the boundaries of another life by being dishonest. But this is my mind, and I respect yours.
As you say, "you probably know me better than anyone; yet do not know me at all" but it doesn't stop me from theorising.

This isn't a conversation I can have in an honest fashion, in public.

:)
 
M

Mel007

Affairs ... yes I have had one affair. I was married and happily. Two kids and a husband who loved me and I him. Then..... long story .... I got emotionally involved with a guy... not physically.. emotionally .
That's where the trouble lies in getting emotionally involved with the another person.. they get in your head .. you think about them all the time .. and that ache inside to see them .. even before any actual contact.
Sex is immaterial .. it's the passion .. oh yes I know ... and the price is a dear one ...
so my advice would be don't go there .... don't put yourself in the position of getting involved ... unless you are prepared to take on the circumstances .
 
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Mel007

Affairs ... yes I have had one affair. I was married and happily. Two kids and a husband who loved me and I him. Then..... long story .... I got emotionally involved with a guy... not physically.. emotionally .
That's where the trouble lies in getting emotionally involved with the another person.. they get in your head .. you think about them all the time .. and that ache inside to see them .. even before any actual contact.
Sex is immaterial .. it's the passion .. oh yes I know ... and the price is a dear one ...
so my advice would be don't go there .... don't put yourself in the position of getting involved ... unless you are prepared to take on the circumstances .
Ofcourse this wa an affair .. before we got involved in this lifestyle ... and yes the guy wa goldfinger .. and he turned out to be my soul mate .. so I was just lucky .. 30 years later .. here we are xxxxxx
 
26 July 2016
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Bolton
we had a couple who we used to meet and they started to get a bit emotionally involved with us and started making comments like how come you met XYZ when we could have met you. We backed off from them as it made us uncomfortable. When we did that they went ballistic and cut us off totally. We think we had a lucky escape as the reaction we got told us everything.
 
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19 March 2015
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we had a couple who we used to meet and they started to get a bit emotionally involved with us and started making comments like how come you met XYZ when we could have met you. We backed off from them as it made us uncomfortable. When we did that they went ballistic and cut us off totally. We think we had a lucky escape as the reaction we got told us everything.
Had a similar situation ourselves and it almost brought the entire show to a halt for us....
Sadly it happened twice! :confused:
 
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26 July 2016
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Had a similar situation ourselves and it almost brought the entire show to a halt for us....
Sadly it happened twice! :confused:
We don't have a problem meeting the same couple multiple times but it should never involve emotion as that's massively dangerous in our minds. have to say it put us off meeting anyone after that for a while.. Twice must really make you wonder whats going on so we feel for you
 
19 March 2015
23,755
64,897
We don't have a problem meeting the same couple multiple times but it should never involve emotion as that's massively dangerous in our minds. have to say it put us off meeting anyone after that for a while.. Twice must really make you wonder whats going on so we feel for you
Agreed, I personally think that yes - you may get some feelings here and there - or emotions of sorts, but 'those' types of feelings are dangerous. They can be devastating as you know.
Yes twice, did write about it here previously.
One was a single lady, spun out of control... sending messages about love and such.. (some I can't go into) and the other was a lady from a couple... total obsessive behaviour and it got extremely serious - to the point that hubby thought we (or me mostly) were playing games with her, when in fact it was what she was telling him... She was obsessed and telling him all sorts of tosh.
Even resorted to death threats to myself and the family!
Craziness.
 
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26 July 2016
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Agreed, I personally think that yes - you may get some feelings here and there - or emotions of sorts, but 'those' types of feelings are dangerous. They can be devastating as you know.
Yes twice, did write about it here previously.
One was a single lady, spun out of control... sending messages about love and such.. (some I can't go into) and the other was a lady from a couple... total obsessive behaviour and it got extremely serious - to the point that hubby thought we (or me mostly) were playing games with her, when in fact it was what she was telling him... She was obsessed and telling him all sorts of tosh.
Even resorted to death threats to myself and the family!
Craziness.
Wow sounds like you dodged them big time. Hope they are not still looking for other victims within the swinging world as they sound nut jobs
 
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