Boxing The Submissive.

[Charlia]

For the past year and a bit, my submissive has been completely disconnected from me.
Now, she's back. This time I've boxed her and shelved her in favour of my brat. This is while I learn to trust the two I've been playing with lately. Thankfully they understand and encourage me to go at my own pace.

Anyone else find their submissive persona is different to their bottom persona, drastically so at times?

 

[Phoenixcouplexx]

We live a D/s lifestyle and I know exactly what you mean. D's submissive side definitely ebb's and flows it's not always a constant. Life and other pressures effect how she feels and therefore how readily she is able to access her submissive.
Most of the time I can help her rebalanced the equation and help her to find herself again. Every now and again I have to step off and let her find herself on her own. I do that so we both know that it was her that found herself and came back to her Dominant of her own free will.
I would imagine as well that for an un-owned submissive that finding yourself and your submission would very much depend on the Dom you are with at the time and how well they can access that part of your personality?

 

[Charlia]

It really does. Luckily the two D-types I'm playing with respond well to both the brat and the slightly more submissive persona.

After I ended my long term collar, it's been touch and go on the needs department. Being in touch with her has been hit and miss, but I'm definitely finding her again properly. It just takes a while before I feel safe enough to let her out again. I'm getting there.

I really like seeing how others have a D/s relationship. It is really important to balance both what you can help with and what has to be done individually. It's lovely to hear that you guys have this figured out and working well for you! X

 

[Phoenixcouplexx]

That's great that you have two Dominants in your life that 'get' you. Everyone likes a little Brat once in a while don't they? lol
I can see how a smart submissive would withdraw for a time after ending a collar. I have known of some submissives that find it very difficult to do that and only end up getting hurt again when they offer their submission what I would say to freely and to soon, looking for that which they think they have lost and the security of it. It sounds to me like a smart, natural process that you are going through.
Our D/s has been a lifetime coming lol. I strive for D to meet all her goals and be the best she can be as she wishes. I try my best to help achieve that and sometimes those lessons will only stay in if she figures it out for herself. Sometimes, like in the instance above I do it so that it's clear for both of us that we are still both invovled in the D/s because we want to be and it is still very consensual.
I think a good Dominant considers the wellfair of their submissive first, their own wellfair and then the wellfair of the relationship they are in together.
I always try to maintain balance I think it is important. We are married too and I want a partner in crime not someone I have bent to my will
Build rather than dismantle is how I try to look at it.