For us and our thoughts on it, it's definitely something within you. The instincts and thought processes must already be there.
You can enhance it by gaining further knowledge about the lifestyle itself, but that bent must be there in the first place.
I think it's fair to say that you either know or you don't, and with experience - it manifests itself and flourishes more with age too.
It's a case of being built that way (to coin a phrase). Your natural instinct is to protect and fight for what's yours. You will do whatever it takes. It's also instinct to have your submissive be devoted to you. You crave it like a drug and crave to give her (or him) the attention she needs too.
The craving becomes even more addictive when you realise that it's entirely a two way street. Your submissive is keen and eager, I mean really needs and wants to please you - and you want to
cherish,
nurture guide and
protect her in exchange.
Cherish - speak to her correctly, treat her correctly and make her feel special, wanted, needed. It means encouragement and support. Praise, TLC as well as all the naughty stuff such as edging for a week or flogging for two hours or more..
Nurture - you have to be able to nurture her submissive side. Explore what she wants out of it, what does and doesn't do it for her. Where the lines are between pain, pleasure and discomfort. If she's a bratty sub, you have to give her the love, care and attention that she will crave from you, as much as possible.
In work and your submissive needs you? You have to be there.. Out with the lads and your submissive needs you for reassurance? You have to be there for her. (so on).. The list here is endless.
Guide - you have to be able to guide her when she gets lost or confused herself, which she may/will. Guide her in what you want out of her as your submissive? What're your expectations? What will you do if she's insubordinate? What will you do for rewards/punishments? How will you speak to her and what chores (if any) can you give? Food, she has to eat and regularly, but you have to be mindful of all aspects of that too.
Protect her - make sure she only speaks with people you've either given consent for, or work with her and make sure she is okay at every stage.. Whether that's a shit day in work, a shit day at home, or fending off other predatory "Dom's" from her.
Protect her emotionally from yourself. You have to be able to know the limits and toe the line. Protect her physically from yourself. Crossing into abuse territory is way too easily done as the lines can get blurred very quickly.
All of the above and more, is some of what it takes really to live this life like that.
You cannot just pretend to be what you're not.. That applies to both sides.. You can experiment and see if it brings out a kinky side and expand on it of course though. :spank:
In the end, being a Dominant is hard bloody work - it really is, make no mistakes about it. You have emotions constantly running as well as the fun hitty stuff. But SO worth it...(okay maybe not the bratty moments lol)
There's nothing more satisfying than having a submissive give total submission to you in return for your trust and care. Remembering it's her choice to do this.. But it's within you in the first place.
A good thwack or 10, can be as addictive for you and your submissive as much as speaking to her in a way that gets her
knickers wet and dropped when you walk through the door, simply through a
phone call.
Given the nature of the post which is a very wide and broad question, I thought I'd try and elaborate a bit more on this especially if it helps other people.
