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How Soon Is Too Soon?

D

Deleted member 3411

Seen a few new arrivals whom have resorted to the usual quick off the mark action of posting messages asking to for meets the moment they've arrived instead of taking time to get to know us all here on the site. But it made me think, what do you think is the right amount of time to take? could you propose meeting someone you like the look off within that first chat the second chat or.... and what do you think is taking too long I have been told once before when I was single (Ste) that the fact I didn't propose a meet after a couple of chats was taken as a lack of interest. No that's just me I'm shy.
 
Posts
2,618
Location
Manchester, United Kingdom
Seen a few new arrivals whom have resorted to the usual quick off the mark action of posting messages asking to for meets the moment they've arrived instead of taking time to get to know us all here on the site. But it made me think, what do you think is the right amount of time to take? could you propose meeting someone you like the look off within that first chat the second chat or.... and what do you think is taking too long I have been told once before when I was single (Ste) that the fact I didn't propose a meet after a couple of chats was taken as a lack of interest. No that's just me I'm shy.
Lol been waiting 2 years lol
 

Lips_Pearls

PV
Sprtr
Posts
15,507
Location
Swansea, United Kingdom
Seen a few new arrivals whom have resorted to the usual quick off the mark action of posting messages asking to for meets the moment they've arrived instead of taking time to get to know us all here on the site. But it made me think, what do you think is the right amount of time to take? could you propose meeting someone you like the look off within that first chat the second chat or.... and what do you think is taking too long I have been told once before when I was single (Ste) that the fact I didn't propose a meet after a couple of chats was taken as a lack of interest. No that's just me I'm shy.
I guess that we’re the same as most others I suppose; don’t want endless message ping pong but on the same token we’re not going to discuss meeting up with someone within a message or two.
I think a lot of it will depend entirely on whom we’re chatting with. Good thread! (y)
 
Lovernotfighter

MOTM

Lovernotfighter

PV
Sprtr
Posts
5,959
Location
York, UK
Seen a few new arrivals whom have resorted to the usual quick off the mark action of posting messages asking to for meets the moment they've arrived instead of taking time to get to know us all here on the site. But it made me think, what do you think is the right amount of time to take? could you propose meeting someone you like the look off within that first chat the second chat or.... and what do you think is taking too long I have been told once before when I was single (Ste) that the fact I didn't propose a meet after a couple of chats was taken as a lack of interest. No that's just me I'm shy.
I tend to think after you've 'talked' for a bit but while you still feel a bit scared to ask because it might be to soon.
 

fincon

PV
Sprtr
Posts
1,194
Location
NW8 - London, UK
Seen a few new arrivals whom have resorted to the usual quick off the mark action of posting messages asking to for meets the moment they've arrived instead of taking time to get to know us all here on the site. But it made me think, what do you think is the right amount of time to take? could you propose meeting someone you like the look off within that first chat the second chat or.... and what do you think is taking too long I have been told once before when I was single (Ste) that the fact I didn't propose a meet after a couple of chats was taken as a lack of interest. No that's just me I'm shy.
I genuinely have no idea when’s the right time to suggest a meet; think it all comes down to the individuals concerned. For some, a non-suggestion of a meet will come over as lack of interest, or willing, for others, any suggestion beyond a hint would be... crass.

There’s also, especially in this scene, I’d argue, the added ‘complication’ of what sort of meet we’re talking about. Some might find it easier to ask for a first meet where both know that if things ‘click’, sex will follow, others might find such an idea... again, crass. (There are lots of ‘first meeting must be social’ folks in the scene.

(I’ve no objection to being crude in the right occasions, but I hope I’m never crass)

Me? I have no idea, which might explain why my presence on the site is, and has always been, mainly as an observer, enjoying it vicariously.
 

Vanezza

PV
Sprtr
Posts
6,205
Location
Leicester, United Kingdom
I don't really want to pinpoint newbies but it has been a little more of late that new people join and don't PV and jump on your profile and ask for a meet on the first day they join. If someone has not pv'd then it isn't going to happen not even chat tbh, reasons are 1 they could be anybody and 2 I find it a bit over forward and over confident. I could be the unusual one I don't know but what's wrong with a bit of banter and general chat and if all goes well and the attraction is there then some naughty chat. Oh god, I sound like the worlds biggest prude but you guys know I am not. I just honestly don't go into the rush meet thing it is just not me, however, Neil may differ. As Neil has said to me on numerous occasions I am the boss but really I feel we both as a couple should decide together and we do that too.

Vxxx
 
D

Deleted member 3411

Not really V, I saw this trend too. I remember chatting to a Canadian lady before I started, they'd been swingers for years, she gave me lots of good advice. One of the best is "Folk swing because it's fun, but as such it's no different to dating, you don't go up to a woman you just saw at a bar and say 'want to go somewhere and fuck' so why would you think it's ok with swingers".
You need to be patient and take care, but in truth I was just as bad at reading the 'yes I like you so ask me out dummy' signs as I am now at 'yes we're interested tell Linda we'd like to meet' signs. Linda is old fashioned and in Brazil just as here girls don't ask first.
 

Lips_Pearls

PV
Sprtr
Posts
15,507
Location
Swansea, United Kingdom
I don't really want to pinpoint newbies but it has been a little more of late that new people join and don't PV and jump on your profile and ask for a meet on the first day they join. If someone has not pv'd then it isn't going to happen not even chat tbh, reasons are 1 they could be anybody and 2 I find it a bit over forward and over confident. I could be the unusual one I don't know but what's wrong with a bit of banter and general chat and if all goes well and the attraction is there then some naughty chat. Oh god, I sound like the worlds biggest prude but you guys know I am not. I just honestly don't go into the rush meet thing it is just not me, however, Neil may differ. As Neil has said to me on numerous occasions I am the boss but really I feel we both as a couple should decide together and we do that too.

Vxxx
Not really V, I saw this trend too. I remember chatting to a Canadian lady before I started, they'd been swingers for years, she gave me lots of good advice. One of the best is "Folk swing because it's fun, but as such it's no different to dating, you don't go up to a woman you just saw at a bar and say 'want to go somewhere and fuck' so why would you think it's ok with swingers".
You need to be patient and take care, but in truth I was just as bad at reading the 'yes I like you so ask me out dummy' signs as I am now at 'yes we're interested tell Linda we'd like to meet' signs. Linda is old fashioned and in Brazil just as here girls don't ask first.
Yeah, I think people just need to keep their wits about them really.
While PV helps, it's not a silver bullet by any stretch of the imagination. But, that said, when newbies join and instantly post on your profile or contact you in chat with the 'FAF' message - then it's a tad off-putting and something that I personally feel doesn't sit with the ethos of the site.
That ethos is putting back what swinging used to be and what it should be; get to know people, chat to people, socialise and go from there.
Not meat market shite where members are treated like cattle. It's undoing years of damage that's been allowed to happen. Not an easy task whatsoever... seriously it's not.
But those who join, stay, get involved and mingle - are worth 10 of the FAF crew.
You can always tell the more genuine swingers on here to the fantasists and pic collectors etc.
For those who are here, involved, getting stuck in - just keep on doing what you're doing. x
 
S

Sammy

I guess that we’re the same as most others I suppose; don’t want endless message ping pong but on the same token we’re not going to discuss meeting up with someone within a message or two.
I think a lot of it will depend entirely on whom we’re chatting with. Good thread! (y)
Agreed Good thread @SteLinda
Sx
 
Posts
411
Location
Mansfield, United Kingdom
We like to get to know people.Sometimes folks just kind of insist we meet,no,no...thats creepy.
Im sure in time we will meet up with someone on this wonderful site,and to be honest its just great to hang out with like minded lovely people on here at the moment xxx
 

ShyandTwisted

PV
Sprtr
Posts
22
Location
Loughborough
We take our time and get to know people, we have and will again jump to a social after a few messages especially with locals that have some presence or public history for us to get a gist of their characters (I know Im new, this was elsewhere as new to this site but not the socialswinging lifestyle). our problem is we sometimes get stuck in messaging and it seems to move further away from swinging and it feels odd to bring it up again
 
Posts
437
Location
London, UK
We're not really 'meet now!' types, and because we work for ourselves sometimes we literally don't have any free time for months (I know boo-hoo poor us) so we do make it abundantly clear when we start chatting that we might not be able to meet up for ages, but we kind of also use it as a filter, those who get all indignant that we won't meet NOW aren't really the type of people for us and just view us as another notch on the bedpost.

Our last meet took nearly 5 months for everyone diaries to match up (3 couples) but it was worth it, and we had fun in group chat in the build up.

Another thing we tend to do as well, because we don't always have the free time, we will always no matter what make available one night a month that we go to a club, so we'll just put a meet up and if anyone wants to meet, we'll see them there.
 

Lips_Pearls

PV
Sprtr
Posts
15,507
Location
Swansea, United Kingdom
We're not really 'meet now!' types, and because we work for ourselves sometimes we literally don't have any free time for months (I know boo-hoo poor us) so we do make it abundantly clear when we start chatting that we might not be able to meet up for ages, but we kind of also use it as a filter, those who get all indignant that we won't meet NOW aren't really the type of people for us and just view us as another notch on the bedpost.

Our last meet took nearly 5 months for everyone diaries to match up (3 couples) but it was worth it, and we had fun in group chat in the build up.

Another thing we tend to do as well, because we don't always have the free time, we will always no matter what make available one night a month that we go to a club, so we'll just put a meet up and if anyone wants to meet, we'll see them there.
Similar to us here. One arrangement we’ve hopefully got sorted, by the time it happens it’ll be two months in the making.
We can’t just drop everything and meet now either. Has to take some planning. :)
 
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