Swinging and other men.

[Scribler]

I would be really interested to know if anyone else has experienced and overcome the issue I have when playing with other men present. When playing, I like to be as uninhibited as possible and this may well mean sucking, stroking and caressing somewhat indiscriminately. But I am always held back form reaching out to caress or suck a cock for fear that I would be rebuffed (however gently) and thus break the spell.
I suppose I don't yet trust my own gender to be uninhibited enough to accept sensuous caresses as part of playing.
Has anyone any thoughts on this?
Scribler

 

[Pearls]

Well good for you for being honest and I think many men have been in this situation and hope they are honest enough to reply xx

 

[Admin]

Well the term friendly fire, or even bi-friendly comes into play here. Not that I am labelling anything but it helps in this scenario.
I think during an MMF it would be most difficult to avoid any form of contact. I mean, I've even know of situations in an mff where the lady will happily perform oral sex on both men at the same time, anyone would be foolish to think no contact would happen..

That said, I think some sensual play like this is common to be fair @Scribler - in my own personal opinion as a man and admin here you'd be VERY surprised how many men are either curious or bi-friendly, or straight but don't mind that kind of play in the right scenario..

And I agree with @Pearls many have been in this situation and hopefully you will get some honest replies..

 

[Scribler]

I think I have in mind more direct sexual contact as part of playing with a 3 or moresome. I have certainly been in a situation where I was encouraged by my female partner to suck cock and we had agreed this beforehand. What I am wondering about and slightly inhibited by, is sucking caressing genitals with other men as part of general play. I wouldn't think twice about a scenario where a woman we had agreed to play with was caressed by me so why do I hesitate and also sense that other men hesitate, to seek erotic and sensual pleasure from other men in that self same setting?

 

[Admin]

so why do I hesitate and also sense that other men hesitate,

Because we're men, and we're taught to think by society that by playing with other men, we're gay - or bi, and in the 'man' world it's not 'right' .....

I don't agree with that, but let's face the issue, the majority of men are homophobic and see being bi, gay or prepared to play with men for sexual fun and desires, as being gay which in their minds is a lesser being than a 'normal' man.

That's the truth of it. We're bred and built to believe, not so much the younger generation - that being anything other than straight man to woman, is not the norm and is shameful.

And to that I say - bollox.
If you're happy to play and happy to have fun, albeit slightly unsure then so what.
The awkward part is saying to your mate - look mate do you mind if...

As it happens, I believe most men in this lifestyle will be happy to have some friendly fun, but there are also many men who will tell you straight too.. Touch me and look out.
I think we're at an age now Mr Scribler where men should also be allowed to enjoy their sexual freedom, and I know the younger generation do now, but I mean 30+ - women do..most men widely encourage that, yet seem to have this hesitation to experiment or enjoy, really when it's a desire or even at the time just feels right and natural.

It's society and how we're bred and how we've been brought up..
At least that's my tuppence worth anyway.

 

[Pearls]

Well I encourage it and believe that anyone in a situation that feels completely natural should just let go and have fun xx

 

[Scribler]

Because we're men, and we're taught to think by society that by playing with other men, we're gay - or bi, and in the 'man' world it's not 'right' .....

I don't agree with that, but let's face the issue, the majority of men are homophobic and see being bi, gay or prepared to play with men for sexual fun and desires, as being gay which in their minds is a lesser being than a 'normal' man.

That's the truth of it. We're bred and built to believe, not so much the younger generation - that being anything other than straight man to woman, is not the norm and is shameful.

And to that I say - bollox.
If you're happy to play and happy to have fun, albeit slightly unsure then so what.
The awkward part is saying to your mate - look mate do you mind if...

As it happens, I believe most men in this lifestyle will be happy to have some friendly fun, but there are also many men who will tell you straight too.. Touch me and look out.
I think we're at an age now Mr Scribler where men should also be allowed to enjoy their sexual freedom, and I know the younger generation do now, but I mean 30+ - women do..most men widely encourage that, yet seem to have this hesitation to experiment or enjoy, really when it's a desire or even at the time just feels right and natural.

It's society and how we're bred and how we've been brought up..
At least that's my tuppence worth anyway.

I agree with what you say Admin. Such a pity though. Ah well! Onwards and downwards.

 

[Scribler]

If you are with your own female partner then the chances of it spoiling the fun are limited, after all, you can usually find another male to join you and the guy you are molesting may allow it in return for you you including him in the fun.

I think that you are wise to steer clear from doing anything that will spoil the fun or upset another person, if your not invited to do something then it is best not to.

What tends to happen is usually a natural progression onto a bi-friendly situation unless one of the guys is totally anti.

So what about females? How do they feel? Or do we all assume every female is bi-friendly?

On one of my first visits to Adam & Eve in Manchester, many years ago, I was in my early twenties and not bi-friendly / experienced, after having sex with many of the men in the club I was touched by another female, I can not recall if I actually screamed or not but I left the room and the club in a hurry.

A few years later, I was at a private swingers party when I had my first bi threesome with another couple, it felt right and I was relaxed and enjoyed it.

Sarah x x x

Interesting use of the word 'molesting'. I would hope that I would never do that. I think communicating our desires is at the heart of this but as Admin says, finding the right way to communicate past our upbringing is a trial for some people.

 

[D7andFLC]

I think that perhaps it's down to communication beforehand. A simple question of 'are you bi/bi friendly' to the other M is a quick and easy way to clear things up and help you to know where you all stand. I do think it feels more acceptable for fems to be bi and males not so, and so this might inhibit you asking upfront, as there are many people who chose not to play with bi males, but in the end, if you're not open and honest how can you expect others to be? D7

 

[Findaswingersclub]

Interesting topic, as @Admin said some people have this persona that its gay or wrong which I also agree is bollox!

Personally I would welcome that sort of forplay its nice to build up to the climax just as much as climaxing, just because its another man doing it doesn't make it wrong. And as some women will tell u the same sex often know how to do it right because that's how they do it themselves.

 

[D7andFLC]

All this swinging malarkey is ultimately just a game, an escape from reality.
If you're honest about the rules and how you want to play, you should find people wanting to play by the same rules and desires too?!
Meets may take longer to find, but you reap what you sow. And you'll not be left feeling awkward or judged as you seem to atm op.
FLC x

 

[Admin]

Indeed, rules, communication and understanding is SO so crucial!!
Just merely enquiring something like - are you bi-friendly, is enough...

Communication is key and king xx

 

[Scribler]

I think that perhaps it's down to communication beforehand. A simple question of 'are you bi/bi friendly' to the other M is a quick and easy way to clear things up and help you to know where you all stand. I do think it feels more acceptable for fems to be bi and males not so, and so this might inhibit you asking upfront, as there are many people who chose not to play with bi males, but in the end, if you're not open and honest how can you expect others to be? D7

I absolutely agree with what you say. It comes down to my having the courage to say directly what I am thinking and perhaps what other males are thinking too.

 

[Admin]

Yes it does... without any shadow of a doubt. So going by that, I would say - confidence. Have the confidence in you to say, in your own words - are you bi friendly and happy for friendly mutual pleasure as well as the lady involved.

 

[Scribler]

Yes it does... without any shadow of a doubt. So going by that, I would say - confidence. Have the confidence in you to say, in your own words - are you bi friendly and happy for friendly mutual pleasure as well as the lady involved.

I couldn't easily think of a better way of saying it. And if that causes a moments difficulty then so be it!

 

[Admin]

Bang on... You are who you are, and the fact you are considerate of others and putting so much thought IN to this, will get you far.
Exactly, if it causes that one millisecond of 'ooer' then so be it.. be confident and be happy. Don't be pushy about it ( I already know you wouldn't even dream of that) and be yourself...

 

[Scribler]

Bang on... You are who you are, and the fact you are considerate of others and putting so much thought IN to this, will get you far.
Exactly, if it causes that one millisecond of 'ooer' then so be it.. be confident and be happy. Don't be pushy about it ( I already know you wouldn't even dream of that) and be yourself...

I do like your style Admin. May we meet one day (be you male or female)

 

[Admin]

I am a male, married to @Pearls and am more than happy to meet up and say hello..
Thank you very much too..

 

[Scribler]

I am a male, married to @Pearls and am more than happy to meet up and say hello..
Thank you very much too..

Pearls is a very lucky woman. Are you far from me?

 

[Admin]

We are about a 5 hour journey But we are coming up soon for the @TownhouseTwosome Social Swinging Social, without doubt...

https://socialswinging.com/threads/socialswingings-social.955/

 

[Scribler]

We are about a 5 hour journey But we are coming up soon for the @TownhouseTwosome Social Swinging Social, without doubt...

https://socialswinging.com/threads/socialswingings-social.955/

I shall try to be there too if I possibly can.

 

[meet_the_fockers]

I think that perhaps it's down to communication beforehand. A simple question of 'are you bi/bi friendly' to the other M is a quick and easy way to clear things up and help you to know where you all stand. I do think it feels more acceptable for fems to be bi and males not so, and so this might inhibit you asking upfront, as there are many people who chose not to play with bi males, but in the end, if you're not open and honest how can you expect others to be? D7

This exactly
exactly.. Ground rules communication is key.. Before Any play commences. X

 

[Scribler]

I agree about communication being the key and also I have an underlying assumption that sensuality and erotic pleasure are not gender bound. Pleasure can be given and received by anyone to anyone if there is respect and gentleness and a desire to please and be pleased.

 

[Monty1875]

If you are with your own female partner then the chances of it spoiling the fun are limited, after all, you can usually find another male to join you and the guy you are molesting may allow it in return for you you including him in the fun.

I think that you are wise to steer clear from doing anything that will spoil the fun or upset another person, if your not invited to do something then it is best not to.

What tends to happen is usually a natural progression onto a bi-friendly situation unless one of the guys is totally anti.

So what about females? How do they feel? Or do we all assume every female is bi-friendly?

On one of my first visits to Adam & Eve in Manchester, many years ago, I was in my early twenties and not bi-friendly / experienced, after having sex with many of the men in the club I was touched by another female, I can not recall if I actually screamed or not but I left the room and the club in a hurry.

A few years later, I was at a private swingers party when I had my first bi threesome with another couple, it felt right and I was relaxed and enjoyed it.

Sarah x x x

If I was invited to play with a nice couple and the situation was such that the M wanted to take me in his mouth following fun with his wife then I'd have no objections, even better if she helped him x

 

[Admin]

Kinky! and surprising how many are happy to oblige..