Too Socially Comfortable.

[Deleted member 120]

This is something I often think about and wanted to share my thoughts with you, and possibly discuss.
I had a rather deep but brief conversation about one subject matter (we shared many) with the club owners, during the event at Purple Mamba over the weekend.
One thing that we agreed upon is, people can get far too socially comfortable on sites and within the lifestyle itself.
With that, do you feel there are far too many people who are just too socially comfortable on the site (or any for that matter) and from within the lifestyle itself anyway?
Does this then have an impact, whether indirectly or directly, on how swinging all works? I.E does this then make meets, actual sexy meets, more challenging to arrange?

If so, what then can be done about it?
Horse to water and all that.... x

 

[Deleted member 3657]

I've been told that I am considered too much of a friend to play with.

 

[Deleted member 6485]

I've been told that I am considered too much of a friend to play with.

I have very good friends on here, but i'd still 'play' (said in the loosest of terms as i hate that phrase) with them. It's the dynamics of it all that makes the friendships so special x

 

[Therapon]

With that, do you feel there are far too many people who are just too socially comfortable on the site (or any for that matter) and from within the lifestyle itself anyway?

My personal thoughts and not necessarily about this site.

I'm not sure there are too many but there are quite a few. I have seen cliques form to the exclusion of others, some break up, some remain. I have seen those profile that included all sorts of exclusions and appear more like a contract than a profile. I guess it's no different to real life outside of swinging but it also has the same effects to the detriment of those outside of the clique or those excluded by swingers with strict limitations on the types of people they will meet. So yes I would agree that there are quite a few out there that have become comfortable enough to put on the slippers, light up a fag, put on the telly and just sit there and wait for something to happen.
I'd like to think I'm more open minded and experience so far has been just the opposite, it's made me consider other possibilities.

Does this then have an impact, whether indirectly or directly, on how swinging all works? I.E does this then make meets, actual sexy meets, more challenging to arrange?

If so, what then can be done about it?
Horse to water and all that.... x

I believe it does. I think we are all choosy about who we would like to meet but to simply exclude whole swaths of other swingers but way of their profiles or the groups they belong too, is to me a shortsighted and limiting approach to swinging.
I'm certainly not the player type who is out to meet and screw anything but then I'm not limiting myself either, why should I. Hell I enjoy sex (why be here otherwise) but I believe I have broadend my options and aiming to make a few more "fantasies" into realities in the future.
I think those who were around when I first joined this site would agree I have changed over time, hopefully for the better but thats not for me to answer.

 

[Captain-Smith-and-Lady-Jane]

May I be contentious @Lips_Pearls ?

On the one hand I don't like to put anyone's backs up, but on the other hand you raise a good point that deserves to be thoroughly debated.

 

[DiamondJoe]

I always was a lone wolf, so it doesn't bother me

 

[Deleted member 120]

May I be contentious @Lips_Pearls ?

On the one hand I don't like to put anyone's backs up, but on the other hand you raise a good point that deserves to be thoroughly debated.

Feel free.. I agree it should be debated as perhaps people are losing focus of this site's primary purpose.

 

[Baldrick]

Whilst I am friendly with most people, it doesn't mean I want to fuck (To put it bluntly) everyone. Then there are people I would fuck but Kaz wouldn't and vice versa.
As @Therapon says some people (like me) can come on the site, put the slippers on, light a fag and sit in the chair and get comfy, chatting and flirting.
Although as @debE says it's good to keep chatting, developing friendships cos when the time comes I won't be afraid to ask these people if they want a meet (of course they might say no, let's face it I'm not Gods gift to mankind ). In fact I think this sites social aspect helps us to see actual personalities in members and we can make a more informed decision on who we would be comfortable getting naked and intimate with.

Obviously this is just who I am though. Others may find it difficult to ask for a potential meet after knowing and talking to members for months/years.

@Lips_Pearls I would be interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think the primary function of the site has been lost or is simply evolving? Has the approach to swinging changed? I have little concept of how swinging was before sites such as this.

B x

 

[MP386]

The part of this I have always struggled with is signals if that’s the right word .... you can chat to people but there is always that would they won’t they ? Who asks first ? Would it be awkward if you get it wrong ... my approach with couples has always been to wait for them to suggest meeting that way I feel they both are in agreement....is this right or wrong ? I don’t know ....
when it comes to single ladies ? We all know why were here :doggy::spankin: I know the accepted normal as in ordinary life is for the bloke to suggest meeting ? So when here why aren’t single ladies more forward? If that’s the word ....
rejection is always a worry , but for me that’s just normal life always has been , knocks you back everytime takes a while wondering what’s wrong ?
I have been here getting on for nearly 3years so I am probably too comfortable and over think things .... as I have said before time and logistics have always been a problem , I have met some great people everyone I would like to meet again ,sadly some have gone ...:
It maybe me but for a long while newbies join but disappear just as quick....one of the often asked questions I see is do people on here meet ?
I didn’t join for a quick fuck .... my social skills aren’t the best ,I am quite in company but that’s initial nerves I guess it takes me a while to get to know anyone...

 

[Deleted member 8095]

This is something that I've (paul) been conscious of, you see a profile of a person/person's you like, you send a message and start chatting, then out of nowhere the spark seems to fizzle out because it's gone on so long (because of distance/work/child care etc) that you have gone beyond the "sexy" chat and are now so comfy, your talking about everyday things!! Then the want to meet appears to die out or the very concept of having a "sexy" meet seems absurd, that being said I wouldn't change how things are done, you see we like the social side of things, the chatting, flirting, exchanging pics etc in the build up to what is hopefully to follow at some point in the very near future.

There are profiles of people and couples we both like the look of, some we have chatted with but they have died out, others we maintain contact with and some we just don't know where to start !!
But the site will evolve into what the vast majority of users want it to be, because not everyone can "play" every weekend or even want to, the site can be an escape for one person but it's a confidence builder for another, helps couples figure out what they want out of the lifestyle etc and tbh I've had a wee look on other sites, where the messages can come thick and fast "What you looking for?" "Do you wanna meet today?" Etc etc etc these can be very off putting for newbies, so this site is a welcome refuge from those!

Sorry for the incoherent ramblings ! Lol

 

[TherLegs]

Too socially comfortable = the simple answer YES
We are all guilty of sitting back and chatting ,just enjoying the banter of others on site .

Do people meet on here ,hell yes they do but they dont often advertise the fact and unless you go onto members profiles to read verifications then its hard to know,

Reading the various social events can give great insight into this also as long as members leave reviews for others to read on the various clubs they attend .


We are now in a position to attend more socials and start sorting meets with others whether single gents or couples and have taken the first step into doing so

 

[Neetdan]

Admittedly i like to get "socially comfortable" as i need to feel i know the people id be sharing my body with lol. Dan can't understand it and says that people dont want to talk forever so i tell him that if they cant take the time to get to know me/us then maybe they're not for us (and i know im in the minority) x

 

[Deleted member 120]

@Lips_Pearls I would be interested to hear your thoughts. Do you think the primary function of the site has been lost or is simply evolving? Has the approach to swinging changed? I have little concept of how swinging was before sites such as this.

B x

My tuppenceworth?
Well.....
We're a swinging site. We're here for like-minded people to arrange meetings with others.
For instance....
It's very, very important for us both to connect to the person(s) we're speaking with to see if that spark is there and that interest is there - mutually. Most likely the same for all.
But and this is a big but; there's a line between flanter and actually acting on it.
Many many people talk the talk..

That's down to who the general makeup of the site, which is a great thing! But it also means there's a lot of nervous newbies perhaps, who are unsure of taking the next step and going from there.
This leads to a vacuum, a void. Because some will go from mulling over it, to doing it, then possibly realise: 'the fish in this pool ain't the same as them'.

That's the void I mean. That's the vacuum it can create. Not always, but possibly.
So with that I mean that, we're not a naughty chat site - well we are... but we're also an actual swinging site where people meet up with other like-minded people. At least that's the purpose.
What we don't know is what goes on behind closed doors. Some of us know more than others, whilst some do not.
One way of checking is verifications, but then you'd just be nosey

My point is I think, the site does more than accommodate for what we, as swingers, need for all of this. But are you (generic) doing all you can to maximise it before saying that nothing happens?

We had a single gent here not so long back who moaned and moaned that nothing happened; yet he put extremely little effort into attending events and turned down the opportunity to meet others from here too.
So who really is in control of what happens?
You? Me? Them?
We all are... but there has to be some line between long standing flanter and reaching the point where one says; "you know what? We like you and want to meet. Up for it?"
On the other hand, there's many of us on here who do find the site to have been successful for however long they've been on here.
Which I think is a double-edged sword.

We are all guilty of sitting back and chatting ,just enjoying the banter of others on site .

Absolutely we are. There's no mistaking that!

The site will continue to flourish either way and whatever way the river flows, we will follow it either way.
Regardless of whatever that means.

 

[Deleted member 120]

This leads to a vacuum, a void. Because some will go from mulling over it, to doing it, then possibly realise: 'the fish in this pool ain't the same as them'.

BTW this is an example and nothing more. For your consideration.
(I may not feel that way personally but is an example of what can be seen)

 

[Deleted member 3411]

Well I will be plain. We came here to make friends, people we could get to know, find a mutual interest in... and play with. Not just talk, SWING with. Sadly it hasn't quite gone the way we expected but it is true we've back-peddled a bit. Sad but true we talked to a few who looked like candidates, but soon proved to talk the talk but....
There's nothing wrong in folk not acting out and just talking, but we would like to have some fun not just talk about it.

 

[Connie john]

Its the chase then the meet then the play. sounds easy as we are on a swinging site all looking for the same thing, sadly it's not, there has to be a spark between people thats the difficult part to find, when you read posts on here you conjure up an image/picture of someone you link with, then then you meet "reality" . So our way at the mo is it meet as quick as you can before your mind takes over. ccj

 

[Pearls]

Well I will be plain. We came here to make friends, people we could get to know, find a mutual interest in... and play with. Not just talk, SWING with. Sadly it hasn't quite gone the way we expected but it is true we've back-peddled a bit. Sad but true we talked to a few who looked like candidates, but soon proved to talk the talk but....
There's nothing wrong in folk not acting out and just talking, but we would like to have some fun not just talk about it.

Why don't you come to our party in October x

 

[Deleted member 120]

This is something I often think about and wanted to share my thoughts with you, and possibly discuss.
I had a rather deep but brief conversation about one subject matter (we shared many) with the club owners, during the event at Purple Mamba over the weekend.
One thing that we agreed upon is, people can get far too socially comfortable on sites and within the lifestyle itself.
With that, do you feel there are far too many people who are just too socially comfortable on the site (or any for that matter) and from within the lifestyle itself anyway?
Does this then have an impact, whether indirectly or directly, on how swinging all works? I.E does this then make meets, actual sexy meets, more challenging to arrange?

If so, what then can be done about it?
Horse to water and all that.... x

Just pondering how far people have come perhaps, since our OP? X

 

[Pearls]

Just pondering how far people have come perhaps, since our OP? X

I'm scared to rate

 

[sthwalescpl]

For us, the social side is VERY important, its something we never considered when we first started swinging, but it soon became part of why we swing.
Sites like this are used in different ways by different people, but the biggest step people make is to move out from behind the keyboard and meet, whether that is on a "1-2-1" basis, or at socials, clubs and parties. That first BIG step can be daunting, but I think these sites make it easier.
Of course, there are those of us who took that step long ago, so we kinda "hit the ground running" when we join a new or different site, but its important for us to remember what it was like for our "first time".
Fostering a "group spirit" is important, and, if done in an inclusive way (like here), it can make that transition from "passive" to "active" swingers much easier. When people started mooting the idea of meeting up as a group from here, I think is when the SocialSwinging "community" really started to gain some traction. Socialising in a group is a great way to network, swap stories and ideas, make friends, and with newbies it's also a great way to ease them in to making that big first step of potentially playing.

 

[Pearls]

For us, the social side is VERY important, its something we never considered when we first started swinging, but it soon became part of why we swing.
Sites like this are used in different ways by different people, but the biggest step people make is to move out from behind the keyboard and meet, whether that is on a "1-2-1" basis, or at socials, clubs and parties. That first BIG step can be daunting, but I think these sites make it easier.
Of course, there are those of us who took that step long ago, so we kinda "hit the ground running" when we join a new or different site, but its important for us to remember what it was like for our "first time".
Fostering a "group spirit" is important, and, if done in an inclusive way (like here), it can make that transition from "passive" to "active" swingers much easier. When people started mooting the idea of meeting up as a group from here, I think is when the SocialSwinging "community" really started to gain some traction. Socialising in a group is a great way to network, swap stories and ideas, make friends, and with newbies it's also a great way to ease them in to making that big first step of potentially playing.

Gawd you can talk

 

[Leonidas480]

For us, the social side is VERY important, its something we never considered when we first started swinging, but it soon became part of why we swing.
Sites like this are used in different ways by different people, but the biggest step people make is to move out from behind the keyboard and meet, whether that is on a "1-2-1" basis, or at socials, clubs and parties. That first BIG step can be daunting, but I think these sites make it easier.
Of course, there are those of us who took that step long ago, so we kinda "hit the ground running" when we join a new or different site, but its important for us to remember what it was like for our "first time".
Fostering a "group spirit" is important, and, if done in an inclusive way (like here), it can make that transition from "passive" to "active" swingers much easier. When people started mooting the idea of meeting up as a group from here, I think is when the SocialSwinging "community" really started to gain some traction. Socialising in a group is a great way to network, swap stories and ideas, make friends, and with newbies it's also a great way to ease them in to making that big first step of potentially playing.

Brilliant post, agree with every word of it.

 

[sthwalescpl]

Gawd you can talk

Yup, keeps the tongue limber for... erm… other things!

 

[Pearls]

Yup, keeps the tongue limber for... erm… other things!

Like your style Mr S

 

[Deleted member 120]

Yup, keeps the tongue limber for... erm… other things!

Don't tell her that for Gawd's sake