I am definately lacking in confidence when it comes to saying what I want, how do I get it?
Where did you get your confidence from?
Where did you get your confidence from?
Where Do You Get Your Confidence From?
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D
Deleted member 1030
Not sure I can help you here... I'm a screaming ball of insecurity, paranoia and burbled words when I talk to people - especially when it comes to asking/suggesting/saying what I want, in a swinging situation.
If I've ever managed it successfully, then it's all smoke and mirrors. Or vodka.
If I've ever managed it successfully, then it's all smoke and mirrors. Or vodka.
I watched people last night of all shapes n sizes...young n more mature, they seemed self assured, when will I be like that?
Thanks for that answer...now I don't feel so alone xxjxx
Is it being body concious, age concious or just how we are?
D
Deleted member 1030
I know... everyone else seems to know what they're doing, they've met everyone else, they are all old hands at the game. And they know.... they can smell your fear and inexperience.
Except, probably, they don't, they haven't, they're not and they can't. They're in the same boat.... just a bit more practised at it maybe.
Yes maybe better actors than me...but maybe I am still learning xxjxx
S
Sammy
Really interested to see where this thread goes
For me I use humour craic and banter but underneath the the gobbiness - well there whole load of stuff going on but on meeting me you probably won't know (till you scratch service )
Can totally relate to everything that's been said so far and looking forward to seeing the replies that follow
For me I use humour craic and banter but underneath the the gobbiness - well there whole load of stuff going on but on meeting me you probably won't know (till you scratch service )
Can totally relate to everything that's been said so far and looking forward to seeing the replies that follow
D
Deleted member 1030
That's it, it does come with time.
Anyway, in our brief experience at the VA, you're a lovely person, very sexy - and we probably would have said yes to anything you'd asked
Yes but I want to know how I ask? xxjxxThat's it, it does come with time.
Anyway, in our brief experience at the VA, you're a lovely person, very sexy - and we probably would have said yes to anything you'd asked
Indeed xxjxxMuch love...you clocked me
such beautiful people...
Life's a funny old game. xx
Ok @Admin you are my swinging guru, what's your opinion on this...?? xxjxx
M
MickeyBlueBalls
A difficult question but here's my take- please bare with my lengthy answer..
Confidence is in all of us but it is how and when we apply it that makes us all different.
Perception is also a factor...what you see as a confident person somebody else may see as arrogant.
Confidence exists in pattern behaviours and familiarity I.e you could stand in a room full of dear friends and relatives and deliver a speech & be fairly comfortable, but in a room full of strangers you'd be much more nervous, anxious & reserved. This is because you are familiar with your friends and family and you have a fairly good idea on their expectations of you. In a roomful of strangers there's no familiarity and you've no idea what their expectations of you are which creates paranoia, anxiety and fear.
I've no doubt there are times when you are confident, usually undertaking a daily activity like work, cooking, driving the car because you do these things repetitively (pattern behaviour).
A lack in confidence is usually down to the following: a previous bad experience, a new experience , unfamiliarity.
I started a job at a brain injury rehab center and met a marvellous clinical psychologist colleague.
Unknown to me he'd been observing me and my obvious lack in confidence at work and called me into his office ( I thought I was for the sack) His words were: Challenge all that challenges you, don't jump in at the deep end but swim towards it. If it gets too deep then tread water for a while, get used to the depth and then swim a little further. Grow a thick skin and fuck what the other pool users are thinking. They're feeling exactly the same as you.
In other words he was telling me to head towards the very things I avoided because the more I do it, the more it becomes familiar and I'd be more comfortable. And to ignore my paranoia about what others might think.
I took on board his advice and it transformed me. If I think something is going to be difficult I head into it slow and steady. And then regardless of the outcome I'll do it again, and again and again until I no longer feel anxious about it.
The more you expose yourself to challenge the less difficult it becomes and the more confident you'll become.
I hope this has helped and I've not waffled on too much. So start saying a little more about what you want and build it up slow and steady.
Mick.
Confidence is in all of us but it is how and when we apply it that makes us all different.
Perception is also a factor...what you see as a confident person somebody else may see as arrogant.
Confidence exists in pattern behaviours and familiarity I.e you could stand in a room full of dear friends and relatives and deliver a speech & be fairly comfortable, but in a room full of strangers you'd be much more nervous, anxious & reserved. This is because you are familiar with your friends and family and you have a fairly good idea on their expectations of you. In a roomful of strangers there's no familiarity and you've no idea what their expectations of you are which creates paranoia, anxiety and fear.
I've no doubt there are times when you are confident, usually undertaking a daily activity like work, cooking, driving the car because you do these things repetitively (pattern behaviour).
A lack in confidence is usually down to the following: a previous bad experience, a new experience , unfamiliarity.
I started a job at a brain injury rehab center and met a marvellous clinical psychologist colleague.
Unknown to me he'd been observing me and my obvious lack in confidence at work and called me into his office ( I thought I was for the sack) His words were: Challenge all that challenges you, don't jump in at the deep end but swim towards it. If it gets too deep then tread water for a while, get used to the depth and then swim a little further. Grow a thick skin and fuck what the other pool users are thinking. They're feeling exactly the same as you.
In other words he was telling me to head towards the very things I avoided because the more I do it, the more it becomes familiar and I'd be more comfortable. And to ignore my paranoia about what others might think.
I took on board his advice and it transformed me. If I think something is going to be difficult I head into it slow and steady. And then regardless of the outcome I'll do it again, and again and again until I no longer feel anxious about it.
The more you expose yourself to challenge the less difficult it becomes and the more confident you'll become.
I hope this has helped and I've not waffled on too much. So start saying a little more about what you want and build it up slow and steady.
Mick.
Last edited by a moderator:
D
Deleted member 1030
An excellent post @MickeyBlueBallsA difficult question but here's my take- please bare with my lengthy answer..
Confidence is in all of us but it is how and when we apply it that makes us all different.
Perception is also a factor...what you see as a confident person somebody else may see as arrogant.
Confidence exists in pattern behaviours and familiarity I.e you could stand in a room full of dear friends and relatives and deliver a speech & be fairly comfortable, but in a room full of strangers you'd be much more nervous, anxious & reserved. This is because you are familiar with your friends and family and you have a fairly good idea on their expectations of you. In a roomful of strangers there's no familiarity and you've no idea what their expectations of you are which creates paranoia, anxiety and fear.
I've no doubt there are times when you are confident, usually undertaking a daily activity like work, cooking, driving the car because you do these things repetitively (pattern behaviour).
A lack in confidence is usually down to the following: a previous bad experience, a new experience , unfamiliarity.
I started a job at a brain injury rehab center and met a marvellous clinical psychologist colleague.
Unknown to me he'd been observing me and my obvious lack in confidence at work and called me into his office ( I thought I was for the sack) His words were: Challenge all that challenges you, don't jump in at the deep end but swim towards it. If it gets too deep then tread water for a while, get used to the depth and then swim a little further. Grow a thick skin and fuck what the other pool users are thinking. They're feeling exactly the same as you.
In other words he was telling me to head towards the very things I avoided because the more I do it, the more it becomes familiar and I'd be more comfortable. And to ignore my paranoia about what others might think.
I took on board his advice and it transformed me. If I think something is going to be difficult I head into it slow and steady. And then regardless of the outcome I'll do it again, and again and again until I no longer feel anxious about it.
The more you expose yourself to challenge the less difficult it becomes and the more confident you'll become.
I hope this has helped and I've not waffled on too much.
Mick.
M
MickeyBlueBalls
Thanks - hope it helps as much as it helped me. I had a really bad start in life and my confidence was in tatters. Just wish I'd been given the advice sooner. But hey, I'm in an excellent place now and a much stronger person than I thought I'd ever be.An excellent post @MickeyBlueBalls
S
Sammy
A difficult question but here's my take- please bare with my lengthy answer..
Confidence is in all of us but it is how and when we apply it that makes us all different.
Perception is also a factor...what you see as a confident person somebody else may see as arrogant.
Confidence exists in pattern behaviours and familiarity I.e you could stand in a room full of dear friends and relatives and deliver a speech & be fairly comfortable, but in a room full of strangers you'd be much more nervous, anxious & reserved. This is because you are familiar with your friends and family and you have a fairly good idea on their expectations of you. In a roomful of strangers there's no familiarity and you've no idea what their expectations of you are which creates paranoia, anxiety and fear.
I've no doubt there are times when you are confident, usually undertaking a daily activity like work, cooking, driving the car because you do these things repetitively (pattern behaviour).
A lack in confidence is usually down to the following: a previous bad experience, a new experience , unfamiliarity.
I started a job at a brain injury rehab center and met a marvellous clinical psychologist colleague.
Unknown to me he'd been observing me and my obvious lack in confidence at work and called me into his office ( I thought I was for the sack) His words were: Challenge all that challenges you, don't jump in at the deep end but swim towards it. If it gets too deep then tread water for a while, get used to the depth and then swim a little further. Grow a thick skin and fuck what the other pool users are thinking. They're feeling exactly the same as you.
In other words he was telling me to head towards the very things I avoided because the more I do it, the more it becomes familiar and I'd be more comfortable. And to ignore my paranoia about what others might think.
I took on board his advice and it transformed me. If I think something is going to be difficult I head into it slow and steady. And then regardless of the outcome I'll do it again, and again and again until I no longer feel anxious about it.
The more you expose yourself to challenge the less difficult it becomes and the more confident you'll become.
I hope this has helped and I've not waffled on too much. So start saying a little more about what you want and build it up slow and steady.
Mick.
Well written informative post
E
Emmal
I think that this shows you have confidence in putting up the post in the first place. Plus I'd like to say thanks for doing so as i feel the same xx
N
No longer with us
You have met me... Do u think I am confident ?? xxx
I was trying to say I lack the confidence to make the first contact and let them know I am interested, is that the fear of getting knocked back or is it lacking confidence? Having been to VA lots of times and feeling very comfortable and relaxed there I/we don't seem to have the courage to initiate contact, although when we are in the smoking shelter conversations seem to flow. xxjxx