Could someone please help me?

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9 December 2015
72
399
City
King's Lynn
Hi all!
First post for me, so my apologies first off as I am new to this site and only recently exploring more of my inner desires fully...
I am very new to the whole Dom/sub scene, though it has been something I feel that has been locked away inside me for far too long. So far I have only found an online Dom, all the ones I have come across that are close to me appear to be fantasists, little boys thinking they're "dominant", or just completely forceful in their approach towards me - or am I missing the point? This is not what I am after, I am seeking the true Dom/sub relationship, with trust and faith in each other. I want to be able to be completely free and give over control to the right person. Ideally I wish the Dom I met online lived a whole lot closer than he does, but that's never going to happen .... But soon I will need to find someone closer to push my boundaries further and really test my limits, there's only so much that can be done online!!
But how do I find one? Or where? It's not something that tends to come up in every day conversation.
And no I do not want some 50 shades shit before someone suggests that. I might be new to it but in still not an idiot, those books/film bored me to tears, I only read them hoping they would get better!
Anyway, any and all advice on this would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, sorry I waffle on ... ;):p
 
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Admin

Admin
15 September 2014
38,759
95,596
Hello and a warm welcome to the site..
I would seriously consider adding information to your profile, and speaking to those among the site who live the lifestyle (BDSM/Fet) in a more active role, perhaps over swinging.

If you take a little time to fill in your profile listing exactly what you are seeking to gain and explore from the lifestyle, and then mingle among members?
This thread should be a good start. So good luck. (y)
 
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Admin

Admin
15 September 2014
38,759
95,596
No problem, it will take a little a little while - as with anything new you just need to play with it a little to figure things out.
If stuck please feel free to give any one of us a shout.
Trust me, there's plenty of people here interested in the same aspects of the BDSM and fet lifestyle, so I have every confidence.
Good luck and if you need anything, please just ask. :) x
 
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6 October 2015
252
616
Hi - and welcome. :)

I've been having similar issues myself, though there are a few around who are into BDSM to a greater or lesser extent - and I definitely know how you feel about distance. I'd say you might want to put on your profile as much information about what you enjoy and what you're searching for, as well as a few photos to encourage people to get in touch.

I hope it goes well for you and that you have a great time here. ;)
 

Therapon

Admin
11 August 2015
24,141
47,912
Hi @Curious_mind and welcome. If you haven't already done so I'd suggest you should consider attending a local munch event. These are social event where the BDSM and Fet comminutiy meet on a regular basis. Many of those who attend will be subs or doms and they will be willing to talk to you, give you good advice and they will also know if there are any local doms looking for a sub and importantly who can be trusted and who to avoid. Most munches also arrange a meet and greet if you don't want to walk into a munch by yourself. You don't state your location so I can't tell you where your local munch is but you will find a list of events on some sites. Good luck.
 
M

meet_the_fockers

Good advice above hun.. talk ask questions discuss... dont be afraid or embarassed to seek out advice.. there are so many different kinks, fetishes as im sure you are aware. But everyone on here is freindly and understanding..Afterall we are loosely cut from the same cloth. @Therapon is a good one to talk to dont tell him i said that!! Ha..
and some other lovlies whom i feel would be able to answer some of your questions would be..
@zebo and @Mz-Zebo
@Leather @Lace.
good luck its all a learning curve, i do recomend you fill out some of your profile, as admin recomends.. to let other users have an incling of what it is you seek.
Good luck and enjoy the users and the site.. xxx
 
Last edited by a moderator:
10 August 2015
897
2,379
City
Widnes
As has already been said on here, get used to the site tools and fill in your profile as much as possible. As for meeting someone more local to yourself to help you out, it might be worth changing your location from 'UK' to at least the County that you live in.

Take time reading through the forums on here and look for local clubs that hold BDSM events and of course local munches.

The most important thing is take your time and push your bounderies with the right people at the right time.

Good luck and have fun on your journey, Lee.
 
Z

zebo

@Curious_mind welcome to the madhouse, myself and @Mz-Zebo have been involved in the bdsm scene for quite a number of years, so what you mentioned about finding a proper Dom is nothing new to us, there are an awful lot of wannabee Dom's out there who don't have a clue.
Finding the right one is difficult, i can only suggest you visit some BDSM clubs or go to munches in your area, that will increase your chances of finding someone who is really into bdsm and not some fantasist on the other end of a computer who thinks he knows it all after reading 50 shades of shite.
If you have any questions either myself of @Mz-Zebo would be happy to answer them for you. Hope you enjoy yourself in here, the members are a lovely bunch of people.
 
22 March 2015
1,395
5,070
City
Tenby
@Curious_mind welcome to the madhouse, myself and @Mz-Zebo have been involved in the bdsm scene for quite a number of years, so what you mentioned about finding a proper Dom is nothing new to us, there are an awful lot of wannabee Dom's out there who don't have a clue.
Finding the right one is difficult, i can only suggest you visit some BDSM clubs or go to munches in your area, that will increase your chances of finding someone who is really into bdsm and not some fantasist on the other end of a computer who thinks he knows it all after reading 50 shades of shite.
If you have any questions either myself of @Mz-Zebo would be happy to answer them for you. Hope you enjoy yourself in here, the members are a lovely bunch of people.
There are plenty of wanna be Dom or Dommes out there that just do not understand which gives the scene a very bad name x
 
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9 December 2015
72
399
City
King's Lynn
Hi - and welcome. :)

I've been having similar issues myself, though there are a few around who are into BDSM to a greater or lesser extent - and I definitely know how you feel about distance. I'd say you might want to put on your profile as much information about what you enjoy and what you're searching for, as well as a few photos to encourage people to get in touch.

I hope it goes well for you and that you have a great time here. ;)

Yeah ok thanks - I just haven't figured everything out on here yet ... Lol. X
 
9 December 2015
72
399
City
King's Lynn
Hi @Curious_mind and welcome. If you haven't already done so I'd suggest you should consider attending a local munch event. These are social event where the BDSM and Fet comminutiy meet on a regular basis. Many of those who attend will be subs or doms and they will be willing to talk to you, give you good advice and they will also know if there are any local doms looking for a sub and importantly who can be trusted and who to avoid. Most munches also arrange a meet and greet if you don't want to walk into a munch by yourself. You don't state your location so I can't tell you where your local munch is but you will find a list of events on some sites. Good luck.

A munch event? I have no idea ... Ok.. Really got to sort out my profile ... X