First Steps....

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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
Whom else some times struggles with the pressure of striking up a conversation with someone knew? That awkward moment of not knowing what to put in the first message?
... No.... Just me!
What I need is silly, but I would like someone to hold my hand as I take my first few steps into the life style.... And chat :p
 
E

Emmal

Nope I'm the same. I hate that first step if messaging.
I'm lucky that I've had a couple of people take me under their wings and help me out.
The advice I'm always told is to get into the forums and chat which you've done that step which is good much more balls then what I've got setting up a post.
Good luck with your journey xx
 
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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
Nope I'm the same. I hate that first step if messaging.
I'm lucky that I've had a couple of people take me under their wings and help me out.
The advice I'm always told is to get into the forums and chat which you've done that step which is good much more balls then what I've got setting up a post.
Good luck with your journey xx
Thanks. I am too much of a recluse sometimes for my own good.
 
19 March 2015
23,755
64,858
Whom else some times struggles with the pressure of striking up a conversation with someone knew? That awkward moment of not knowing what to put in the first message?
... No.... Just me!
What I need is silly, but I would like someone to hold my hand as I take my first few steps into the life style.... And chat :p
You're not alone...seriously it's deeply surprising how many here, are actually very shy and unsure how to get going.
Some posts to show this;
https://socialswinging.com/threads/lets-get-it-on.4846/
https://socialswinging.com/threads/where-do-you-get-your-confidence-from.4839/
https://socialswinging.com/threads/the-chase-or-the-catch.4748/

Nope I'm the same. I hate that first step if messaging.
I'm lucky that I've had a couple of people take me under their wings and help me out.
The advice I'm always told is to get into the forums and chat which you've done that step which is good much more balls then what I've got setting up a post.
Good luck with your journey xx
Agreed....
Confidence is a huge aspect in this. You may be the most confident person on the planet, but when it comes to actually striking up conversation with someone, it seems harder than most realise. :)
Good luck and most of all, have fun. (y)
 
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E

Emmal

We all have the same fears of rejection and not being what the other person/people are interested in but just be you and make some friends with no hidden agenda and I'm sure you'll be fine. Xx
 
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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
We all have the same fears of rejection and not being what the other person/people are interested in but just be you and make some friends with no hidden agenda and I'm sure you'll be fine. Xx
I think that I don't have an agenda can sometimes be my draw back.
 
M

MickeyBlueBalls

Tip number one know your audience - read their profile.
Tip number two be polite and respectful.
Tip number three...be patient
Tip number four ......never ever send photos of yer junk unless requested.
Be relaxed & be yourself.
Meeting people......ferked if I know...lol but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck mate. :)
 
19 March 2015
23,755
64,858
So why don't you find a profile that's suitable for you and them, and just literally start talking? Introduce yourself and go from there? Don't ask how their day's been, or how they are... but be blunt (not crude) to the point and say - seen your profile, we share similar ideas and tastes. I'm Cutie - nice to meet you.
Or something like that. :p
 
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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
Tip number one know your audience - read their profile.
Tip number two be polite and respectful.
Tip number three...be patient
Tip number four ......never ever send photos of yer junk unless requested.
Be relaxed & be yourself.
Meeting people......ferked if I know...lol but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck mate. :)
Nobody here has seen my junk yet..... Maybe that's the problem. Lol
 
30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
So why don't you find a profile that's suitable for you and them, and just literally start talking? Introduce yourself and go from there? Don't ask how their day's been, or how they are... but be blunt (not crude) to the point and say - seen your profile, we share similar ideas and tastes. I'm Cutie - nice to meet you.
Or something like that. :p
It's finding the right profile maybe. Or maybe I don't like putting people out by messaging first.. I have no idea
 
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S

Sammy

Tip number one know your audience - read their profile.
Tip number two be polite and respectful.
Tip number three...be patient
Tip number four ......never ever send photos of yer junk unless requested.
Be relaxed & be yourself.
Meeting people......ferked if I know...lol but I'm sure you'll figure it out. Good luck mate. :)


Hey mr mickey
I'm sure cute would appreciate more top tips , could you send him yer pearls of wisdom in a pm

lol it's not Sammy being.random and nutty
I've been chatting to cute since I joined - I'm sure if would help to have a guys persepdctive on it .... he can slap my wrists later if I've put my two feet in it again
 
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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
Those first steps are always going to be tricky. I don't really message people much as often I don't know what to say. I haven't met any of you yet as I haven't really talked to many of you to get comfortable. And clubs might be a bit much to start with!
 
M

MickeyBlueBalls

Those first steps are always going to be tricky. I don't really message people much as often I don't know what to say. I haven't met any of you yet as I haven't really talked to many of you to get comfortable. And clubs might be a bit much to start with!
Well as somebody has already mentioned get involved in the forums. They're really the best place to get the measure of your intended victi......I mean members that interest you and for other members to notice you. Waiting for others to contact you first rarely happens as there's several thousand other members with profiles to look at too. Don't take anything too seriously, like I said before just be yourself. I can only say type out the message you would like to send to somebody of interest put your phone, laptop down for a minute or two, take a deep breath and go straight in and send it. I guarantee you will not get a shitty response. (Provided you're polite and respectful). If you get a "no thank you " then suck it up and check out some more of SS's marvellous members. All comes with experience so get crackin! :)
 
M

MickeyBlueBalls

Hey mr mickey
I'm sure cute would appreciate more top tips , could you send him yer pearls of wisdom in a pm

lol it's not Sammy being.random and nutty
I've been chatting to cute since I joined - I'm sure if would help to have a guys persepdctive on it .... he can slap my wrists later if I've put my two feet in it again
You...random, nutty? Never for a second would I think that of you......;) xx
 
30 March 2017
1,644
4,037
City
High Wycombe
As previously said you are far from alone on this one mate. What makes it worse is you don't want to just say "hi" or "how are you"

It's difficult but as Mickey says just be your self, always be polite and take no response or a simple no for a no. Personally I would say (except on hear:)) you will probably get 1 response from 5 messages sent :(

But at least you had 5 practices at sending a message ;)

Keep your chin up and go get them :lol:
 
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30 March 2017
137
306
City
Latimer
Well as somebody has already mentioned get involved in the forums. They're really the best place to get the measure of your intended victi......I mean members that interest you and for other members to notice you. Waiting for others to contact you first rarely happens as there's several thousand other members with profiles to look at too. Don't take anything too seriously, like I said before just be yourself. I can only say type out the message you would like to send to somebody of interest put your phone, laptop down for a minute or two, take a deep breath and go straight in and send it. I guarantee you will not get a shitty response. (Provided you're polite and respectful). If you get a "no thank you " then suck it up and check out some more of SS's marvellous members. All comes with experience so get crackin! :)
Haven't gotten a "no thank you"....yet!
 
E

Emmal

Ok chat 101, mainly for @thecuteguy and @Emmal i appreciate shyness can be crippling, but you are only ever get out of this fabulous site what you put in !

1, It's a chat based forum outside of debates no one is going to flame you unless you are crude or offensive

2, every journey starts with a single step, don't sit there waiting for messages ! Send some

3, get involved a couple of posts over a number of weeks is hardly going to make you interesting, answer stuff on forum posts, everybody has an opinion let's hear yours, it helps people gauge your character, and they may decide they want to interact with you

5, don't just make short remarks on profiles ask questions give people a reason to answer ask a question about their profile

6, be interested in people and they will be interested in you, show you have read their profile

7, put a status up at least once a day get people used to seeing you around

8, make erudite and flattering comments on pics in the gallery

9, don't machine gun, saying hi to every female in the site in the hope of getting a response is just lazy

20, pick people you like the look of read their profile maybe wink maybe follow it up with a message, ask politely if you may follow them ! Again don't machine gun be selective

Mix these with @MickeyBlueBalls advice and you will be chatting in no time !
Some wicked advice there stew and nothing you don't tell me all the time.
I've always got a opinion so love to get my point out there. Xx