Know Your Limit?

[Lips_Pearls]

Ahh dontcha just love 'limits'. Meh. there to be explored, there to be enjoyed. There for exploration. There to be told "you can't" or "Shouldn't".
After speaking to a very good friend this evening, I had to write this.
The limit of BDSM play is literally boundless. You have no limits.
You can explore hard hitting, flogging, chains, gagging, hard Dom/Domme play where you are in total control and your sub has no say in anything, and you can also enjoy sensual Dom/Domme play where it's erotic, loving, caring and sensual.

Fact is, unless you explore it and find your own boundaries, (within limits) then where is the limit for you, her or you both?
What you need to do, as yourself or a couple, is explore many things and variants of the same things.
For instance, as an analogy I said to our friend earlier;
A bowl of strawberries & cream is just that; strawberries & cream. She/he knows what they're eating and about to enjoy.
But! What if they were blindfolded and FED strawberries & cream? Is it still then, strawberries & cream or a different sensually aroused experience? A different mental image of what it is?

It's all about your mind's eye. Explore the unknown, explore different avenues, explore things you think you could not.
Don't talk about it, try it as suggestive ways. Say to your partner that tonight we will try something different and rather than serve strawberries & cream for dessert, serve strawberries & cream blindfolded and feed her/him that but with maybe a chilli in the mix to awaken their sensory differences. :devil:
This method applies though between say hitty, throbby and stingy things.
Try all, try everything, at least once.
But know your limits.
The BDSM ladder is full of steps. Don't be afraid to try them - even if they fail. x

 

[fincon]

Kind of agree… kind of not.

Yes, exploration is good, is fun, and can at least scratch that itch of ‘well, I’ve always been curious’. Willingly stepping outside your comfort zone is rarely a foolish thing…

...but exploration is only wise exploration if a/ you know what you’re doing, and b/ there’s not that bit of you screaming ‘this really is not a good idea.’

Everyone has their comfort zones and preferences, and that’s not a bad thing.

Sorry, but ‘don’t knock it until you’ve tried it’ has never impressed me as an argument. I’ve never tried nude bungee jumping, nor auto-erotic asphyxiation. Neither do I want to.

tl;dr version: if you’re curious about something, well, you’ve really nothing to lose trying something new, stretching your boundaries, stepping outside your comfort zone. If you’re not curious, staying inside it is ok as well.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

To play devil's advocate;

if a/ you know what you’re doing,

How do you know, until you do? Or don't..

 

[fincon]

To play devil's advocate;

How do you know, until you do? Or don't..

The same way I’m pretty certain I don’t want anyone shitting on me as part of sex.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

The same way I’m pretty certain I don’t want anyone shitting on me as part of sex.

Abso-fuckin-lutely.

 

[Baldrick]

...but exploration is only wise exploration if a/ you know what you’re doing,

I would disagree with this bit 100%.
You don't have to know what you're doing to explore (after all that's half the fun), you just have to read the signs from your partner and know where to stop/realise where their boundaries are.
To even get to point where you do know what you're doing you have to start by exploring (carefully of course).

X

 

[Baldrick]

To play devil's advocate;

How do you know, until you do? Or don't..

Sorry stepped on your toes there. You must've wrote that as I was writing

X

 

[fincon]

I would disagree with this bit 100%.
You don't have to know what you're doing to explore (after all that's half the fun), you just have to read the signs from your partner and know where to stop/realise where their boundaries are.
To even get to point where you do know what you're doing you have to start by exploring (carefully of course).

X

Couldn’t disagree more. If you don’t know what’s involved when you start, which is what I meant by ‘knowing what you’re doing, then that’s not ‘exploring’, that’s a sexual partner exploiting your naïveté at best, and abuse at worst.

I may be biased here, I’ll admit. I was ‘topped from the bottom’ in my first D/s thing. At each point along the way, I knew what was happening… not whether or not I’d enjoy it*, but at least I knew what was involved.

*some stuff I very much enjoyed, some I… didn’t.

 

[Baldrick]

Couldn’t disagree more. If you don’t know what’s involved when you start, which is what I meant by ‘knowing what you’re doing, then that’s not ‘exploring’, that’s a sexual partner exploiting your naïveté at best, and abuse at worst.

We are talking different things here I think. It's not naivete or abuse to blindfold a partner and feed them strawberries.
It's not abuse to consentially tie a partner up and caress them, stroke them, kiss them.
If you and your partner are playing and learning together it's a fun thing to do.

I will concede again that we maybe talking about different things. If you're tying up a partner and giving them a damn good thrashing with a pair of size 12's and refusing to take no for an answer, then that is abuse.

X

 

[TherLegs]

Limits, ours have changed slowly over time as we tried other things. Some went well others not so well but at least we can say we tried that and we moved on. BDSM was for us something we both liked, when we started I'd say more role play than true BDSM because that suited us as a way to explore each others likes, then moved onto to those things we thought we might like but weren't sure about. We've had some amazingly sexy sessions and that is what keeps us thinking about the next thing. I joined the site just over 3 years ago and I may now just be a little different from that person and my limits might have changed a little bit . T.

 

[Deleted member 1030]

It's good to have limits. If you don't have limits, how will you know if you're breaking them?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Having a difference of opinions is a great thing and makes this site interesting, unique and amazing.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

It's good to have limits. If you don't have limits, how will you know if you're breaking them?

Exactly.
I test mine every Friday night x

 

[Deleted member 1030]

I test mine every Friday night

Gin limits?

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Gin limits?

And vodka ones too. Depends how quickly it takes me from “oh yeah!” To “oh shit!”

 

[fincon]

I will concede again that we maybe talking about different things. If you're tying up a partner and giving them a damn good thrashing with a pair of size 12's and refusing to take no for an answer, then that is abuse.

Yes, I think we are.

My concern would be someone who has heard about D/s, and wanted to explore it… but has an issue with, oh I dunno, pain, agreed to be bound and blindfolded expecting the caressing, say, and was then flogged.

Hence, my position that exploration is wise only when one has a reasonable idea what will happen in that exploration… rather than either being misled, or not having a clue what it involves but saying yes anyway.

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Yes, I think we are.

My concern would be someone who has heard about D/s, and wanted to explore it… but has an issue with, oh I dunno, pain, agreed to be bound and blindfolded expecting the caressing, say, and was then flogged.

Hence, my position that exploration is wise only when one has a reasonable idea what will happen in that exploration… rather than either being misled, or not having a clue what it involves but saying yes anyway.

Agreed and this is where communication is of absolute importance.

 

[fincon]

Agreed and this is where communication is of absolute importance.

Yes, complete agreeement.

Curious and have some idea what is involved…? Sure - go for it, and see what you like, and what you don’t. Never a bad idea to push your boundaries… with people you trust.

Curious but have no idea? Find out some stuff, do your research, and then explore, as above… with people you trust.

Not curious? Ok, that’s fine as well. Nothing inherent wrong with staying inside your comfort zone.

 

[Vanezza]

Knowing each others limits is key but surely if you are a couple and been together a few years you would know when to carry on or when to stop. We have been together nearly 5 years and just by body language and sounds you know what's a given and to carry on and when it's a no no. I can't see it being different with anyone else you invite into the bedroom. Body language is a powerful thing and says a lot on what someone is feeling. However people do tend to say yes to something they are not sure about or don't really want to just to keep the other person happy and then this is what creates problems. Communication is key here talk about what you want to try and go with it and see what happens could be good or bad but least you tried it.


Vxxx

 

[fincon]

Body language

I’m good at interpreting body language with someone I know… and utterly useless at it with someone I don’t know, even to the extent of knowing if someone’s even ‘interested’. Kind friends of mine joke that anyone interested in me better be carrying a plank to smack me around the head with. Less kind friends reckon I wouldn’t click until someone’s on my lap dry humping me. It’s not for me to say which of those is correct.

Communication is key here talk about what you want to try

Yes. Yes. Yes. A thousand times, yes.

 

[Deleted member 6684]

To play devil's advocate;

How do you know, until you do? Or don't..

Comes to confidence and trust in the person you are with

 

[Pearls]

Ahh dontcha just love 'limits'. Meh. there to be explored, there to be enjoyed. There for exploration. There to be told "you can't" or "Shouldn't".
After speaking to a very good friend this evening, I had to write this.
The limit of BDSM play is literally boundless. You have no limits.
You can explore hard hitting, flogging, chains, gagging, hard Dom/Domme play where you are in total control and your sub has no say in anything, and you can also enjoy sensual Dom/Domme play where it's erotic, loving, caring and sensual.

Fact is, unless you explore it and find your own boundaries, (within limits) then where is the limit for you, her or you both?
What you need to do, as yourself or a couple, is explore many things and variants of the same things.
For instance, as an analogy I said to our friend earlier;
A bowl of strawberries & cream is just that; strawberries & cream. She/he knows what they're eating and about to enjoy.
But! What if they were blindfolded and FED strawberries & cream? Is it still then, strawberries & cream or a different sensually aroused experience? A different mental image of what it is?

It's all about your mind's eye. Explore the unknown, explore different avenues, explore things you think you could not.
Don't talk about it, try it as suggestive ways. Say to your partner that tonight we will try something different and rather than serve strawberries & cream for dessert, serve strawberries & cream blindfolded and feed her/him that but with maybe a chilli in the mix to awaken their sensory differences. :devil:
This method applies though between say hitty, throbby and stingy things.
Try all, try everything, at least once.
But know your limits.
The BDSM ladder is full of steps. Don't be afraid to try them - even if they fail. x

What if they were blindfolded and FED strawberries & cream?

Could you leave the chillies out next time

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Could you leave the chillies out next time

But you enjoyed them? Your words were "oooh darling, they're all stingy and everything"...
This was the after effects like but still, you know what I mean. xx

 

[Pearls]

But you enjoyed them? Your words were "oooh darling, they're all stingy and everything"...
This was the after effects like but still, you know what I mean. xx

But on me bits

 

[Therapon]

But on me bits

Gawd reminds me of the hot lube we had, not recommended just after you have shaved you balls and @Miss-Sexy-Legs apparently can read, it said sparingly, not slap the bloody stuff on like you're greasing a turkey