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Discussion in 'BDSM & Fetish Forums' started by Lips_Pearls, 12 October 2018.
Reminds Me of when I had my vasectomy and the surgeon started slapping iodine on my plums with a brush all Willy nilly like he was about to start papering his house
Brought a whole new meaning to singing in the shower
Too bloody right it did. Feckin stuff was hot enough, showering to remove it later
Just reading through this again. So exploration is only good if it's safe? If that were the case then we as a race would never have moved forward. Exploration by definition is a risk and that risk is also the reason why people explore, to find that elusive gold, to test your skills, to prove to yourself that you can achieve, all these involve some element of risk. In BDSM the same is true, yes to explore is good but minimise the risk by putting in place a safety net. Whether that is a safeword with someone you trust or having others nearby, maybe in a club or as say a small group it doesn't matter but exploration does.
Totally agreed. You have to push boundaries. After all, how do you know what boundaries you want in place if you've never experienced anything? But has to be done correctly too.
Just reread this as well… and yep my previous points pretty much are still my own position now.
As I said in my very first response:
Yes, that is what I was saying. Exploration is trying something new or different but in doing that you have to ascertain the obvious risks, you don't jump out of a plane unless you have a parachute, however how can you ever find your limits without exploration. Explore and take a calculated risk or stagnate, I know what I'd choose.
You use a parachute? Pah! That’s just sticking artificial limits on it… how do you know you wouldn’t be fine without a parachute? Why not take the risk?
Because you’ve assessed the risk and concluded that it’s ludicrous not to use one.
And everyone gets to choose their own level of ‘risk’ without anyone else criticising or putting down their decision. Stagnating? Really? Because someone might disagree with your personal advocacy?
Prior to 2 years ago, all i had known was vanilla sex. All it took was for one person to make a few suggestions regarding boundaries, test those boundaries...then keep pushing those boundaries a little to make me realise there was so much more enjoyment to have both in and out the bedroom.
Being in this lifestyle has opened my eyes to a world beyond the one i knew existed whilst married. Still plenty more exploration to do...x
As an old school Dom I would like to proffer my perspective :-
Limits, limits are exactly that something you don’t totally abhor but over time are willing to allow to be pushed, maybe you are not keen on bum play but slowly over time it is tested and pushed to full anal sex
Boundaries, these are inviolable never ever pushed or broken, one example would be a sub I had who years ago had been throat raped by multiple guys during a gang bang that got out of hand ended up in A&E and counselling for a long time , so the boundary was a little sucking my hand wrapped around my cock to foreshorten it and no more, now this young lady had a real easy trigger to subspace and once she was there would immediately try and swallow my cock and I mean literally fight me to swallow it, try to rip my hand away and beg!!
It would have been so easy to allow her but my responsibility as a Dom was not to allow her under any circumstances , the danger of damage and then flashbacks once she came out and hit drop was too great a risk, would a tie, flog, fuck,wannabe 50 shades dom (small d) have recognised this ?
Too many newcomers read words and go oooh I want to try that roll headlong into it and end up hurt mentally or physically. Before any new activity is commenced there needs to be discussion to decide if and how it should happen.