Cheating

[Lips_Pearls]

The last woman I lived with had a secret account on the other site; over 100 verifications.........

..... Now you can either let it destroy you, or remove yourself from the scenario. You see everything that is important in life, ultimately boils down to one choice "hold on" or "let go", sometimes we should hold on (to dreams, life itself, our friends/family, the positive aspects of our life) and well sometimes we have to let go of the things we love, or hold dear, because ultimately this is the best choice for us.......

How didn't I know about the 100+ men? I guess I did, I just didn't want to; until it was there in black and white, it was surreal. Once quite early in our relationship; I accused her of cheating; she turned it around, made out it was all in my head; almost convinced me I was going insane, so I left it; I didn't want to be mad......

....Now I stay away from relationships, its not about trust or honesty; I just don't like exposing my vulnerability anymore; it has hardened my heart....sigh

Yes that's tragic. A lot of it about my friend.

 

[The-A-Team]

My opinion is that honesty has to be 100% and complete from both sides, Mrs A Team, and I both chat and text /message to others, often alone, but never behind the others back, and t's, always, with the others full knowledge, and awareness, and our phones are always and often used by each other, so nothing is ever hidden.
Seeing people illicitly within swinging, is just not logical, when you've found a soul mate who is 100% trusting and relaxed enough to share themselves and you completely, both with and in front of/and with others, why would you dream of spoiling the perfect set up, for an odd shag behind your soul mates back.
These days, (after many years swinging lol) we happily have individual sessions with others, be it solo 1 on 1, or 3 sums of various flavours, couples swapping for us is not a huge favorite as it used to be, as in our experience there are usually some issues to stop one or the other relaxing fully and enjoying things. But after any meets we individually have, everything's discussed fully, and we both find those chats incredibly arousing, so for us, (and its proven and working so far) a100% honesty, as there is no need to cheat or have an affair.
(Some People never fail to amaze me lol.)

 

[The-A-Team]

My opinion is that honesty has to be 100% and complete from both sides, Mrs A Team, and I both chat and text /message to others, often alone, but never behind the others back, and t's, always, with the others full knowledge, and awareness, and our phones are always and often used by each other, so nothing is ever hidden.
Seeing people illicitly within swinging, is just not logical, when you've found a soul mate who is 100% trusting and relaxed enough to share themselves and you completely, both with and in front of/and with others, why would you dream of spoiling the perfect set up, for an odd shag behind your soul mates back.
These days, (after many years swinging lol) we happily have individual sessions with others, be it solo 1 on 1, or 3 sums of various flavours, couples swapping for us is not a huge favorite as it used to be, as in our experience there are usually some issues to stop one or the other relaxing fully and enjoying things. But after any meets we individually have, everything's discussed fully, and we both find those chats incredibly arousing, so for us, (and its proven and working so far) a100% honesty, as there is no need to cheat or have an affair.
(Some People never fail to amaze me lol.)

As an addendum to the above, I wonder truthfully how many people actually are "Real Swingers" or just seeking a somewhat approved affair with others ???

 

[Lips_Pearls]

As an addendum to the above, I wonder truthfully how many people actually are "Real Swingers" or just seeking a somewhat approved affair with others ???

A question we’ve often thought about and sadly, rightly or wrongly - have definitely come across!

 

[Stew]

A question we’ve often thought about and sadly, rightly or wrongly - have definitely come across!

Interesting question @The-A-Team and @Lips_Pearls
How would you define the difference? As I’ve certainly over the years encountered both ??

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Interesting question @The-A-Team and @Lips_Pearls
How would you define the difference? As I’ve certainly over the years encountered both ??

I’m not entirely sure as it’s a difficult dimension. Usually it’s the male behind it - yes women do too but mostly the male, and it’s often used as a way to fix problems or rectify their marriage or something.
It’s almost like cuckold but not.
It rarely fixes the issues. But each to their own I guess.

 

[The-A-Team]

Interesting question @The-A-Team and @Lips_Pearls
How would you define the difference? As I’ve certainly over the years encountered both ??

We've found in some cases especially couples, that either the man, (usually) or often the lady seems to be not at ease when hearing/seeing thier partner having massive orgasms, with another person and not them, and often to a point of distracting from events happening lol, yet if they are truly comfortable and honestly relaxed within swinging, and the trust situation is truly there, the orgasm is the goal your seeking and enjoying with the other person.....
And then (and this weve found 85 % where it actually happens), In 3 sums MMF the guy if his phone rings and it's his wife, goes, into total panic mode, and often makes up all sorts of excuses as to his wherabouts, however in FFM situations where her phone rings, and it's her husband/partner they always say where they are and roughly how long they will be, so leave them alone lol.
So both scenarios show to us, the real comfortable truthfull swingers, and those putting up with a situation for thier partner's, or doing it behind thier back...

 

[The-A-Team]

As an addendum to the above, I wonder truthfully how many people actually are "Real Swingers" or just seeking a somewhat approved affair with others ???

This is very true, and sadly more than you may think, swinging by definition is when a committed couple, openly and consensually share their sex lives with other partners, with a view to experiencing sex with other people. Whereas an affair is the same thing, but without the consent / full consent of the other committed partner.
Sadly sometimes one partner goes along with the requests of another partner, in a bid to try to save an already failing untrusting relationship, just to stay together, and these are exactly the scenarios we have come across so frequently.
It is a very fine line between the two situations, but a line never the less that NEEDS to be there to work properly

 

[Deleted member 11852]

This is very true, and sadly more than you may think, swinging by definition is when a committed couple, openly and consensually share their sex lives with other partners, with a view to experiencing sex with other people. Whereas an affair is the same thing, but without the consent / full consent of the other committed partner.
Sadly sometimes one partner goes along with the requests of another partner, in a bid to try to save an already failing untrusting relationship, just to stay together, and these are exactly the scenarios we have come across so frequently.
It is a very fine line between the two situations, but a line never the less that NEEDS to be there to work properly

I think we are really lucky because before we even entered into this lifestyle we had lots of discussions about everything.. We still meet people socially first before anything happens then even after we meet up and start playing we have both said if everyone isn't happy and comfortable then everything stops.. We have stuck to that all the time.. We have never subscribed to the take one for the team theory.. For us it's about talking to each other about everything.. Plus our marriage is really strong.. For us the swinging is just bonus fun.. For me Mr I actually find it a big excitement seeing Mrs h enjoying a massive orgasm with someone else.. For us it just makes the meets more exciting.. We definitely don't see swinging as a relationship saver just extra bonus fun... W..

 

[The-A-Team]

I think we are really lucky because before we even entered into this lifestyle we had lots of discussions about everything.. We still meet people socially first before anything happens then even after we meet up and start playing we have both said if everyone isn't happy and comfortable then everything stops.. We have stuck to that all the time.. We have never subscribed to the take one for the team theory.. For us it's about talking to each other about everything.. Plus our marriage is really strong.. For us the swinging is just bonus fun.. For me Mr I actually find it a big excitement seeing Mrs h enjoying a massive orgasm with someone else.. For us it just makes the meets more exciting.. We definitely don't see swinging as a relationship saver just extra bonus fun... W..

Absolutely right

 

[Ragdoll]

I read through this thread and it made me feel really sad.
The most important thing if you are going to make swinging work in your relationship is honesty.
That said, I would never judge anyone, as Stew says in his post "walk a mile in their shoes". It is a sad fact that there are many sexless marriages, every other part of the relationship is good but no sex life. We are all human, and we all need to feel intimacy and desire.
Swinging takes many forms, in my experience it is difficult to find two couples where all four get on and one doesn't get jealous of their partner or one is just ok with it but isn't really feeling it with their swap partner.
That is why some just do same room swap, separate rooms work better for some, and even solo play dates.
My husband has been on play dates on his own with other women, the only rule I give him is to make sure he gives the lady a good time. I have made no secret of being a hot wife and playing alone is completely different to playing as a couple. We do play as a couple but we also play alone but always with each others knowledge and blessing.
The most important thing is being honest, but to our married friends on SS that are on here as a single even though they are married you will get no judgement from me, it is your life and I hope things work out.
I wish everyone love and happiness in their lives, biggest hugs to everyone who needs one today

 

[AlmeriaH]

Like ragdolljulie I have just read this thread and I felt the same sadness. As Stew said, "...try almost 20 years of enforced celibacy before judging."

I was also in a sexless marriage for the same period of time, but additionally I was the victim of abuse (yes, men do get abused too), It was psychological abuse from my wife who was an alcoholic and a control freak. She almost completely destroyed my confidence, she controlled my friendships and activities. However, I worked frequently in London (we lived in Cheshire) and for just over ten years I was in a relationship with a couple. As a person I am both very sensitive and very tactile, I wanted a relationship which was purely physical and I figured that with a couple, we could all be able to get what we wanted (with less risk of any emotional attachment developing).

I know this thread is about cheating within the lifestyle. I was cheating in my marriage, and as someone else has said, there may be "mitigating circumstances," enforced celibacy and abuse being mine. However, it was wrong, regardless of the circumstances, mitigating or otherwise and I still have guilt from that. However, life is for living, and we never stop learning. After my experiences I have learned I know that I will never cheat again, whether I/we are in the lifestyle or not.

After emigrating, my relationship with the London couple ended, and I had moved to a country where I couldn't even speak the language. As I had retired early, the time spent with my wife was almost 100% and our relationship quickly declined further. After some years my wife, who was less successful in controlling my life than she had hoped***, threatened to injure herself, blame me and then report it to the police. It took me less than 24 hours to find a flat and move into it. I won't do time for anything that I am not guilty of. She was gobsmacked to realise that I still had some strength left, and that I actually did it.

Back to the swinging subject. I am now divorced and currently without a lady in my life. Apart from the guilt from my threesome with the couple in England, I have no regrets. I learned a lot about sexuality, intimacy and eroticism and I particularly learned a lot about myself. When I was married, I was a jealous person, but I'm not now. I think sharing a woman is extremely erotic, and as I love to give pleasure and also to see a woman enjoying herself, I would love to find a woman who would complement me in this aspect. The London couple both helped me to retain some of my confidence and self respect, which is possibly how I had the strength to leave my wife after she made such a horrible threat.

Sorry for the rambling post. I am sure I will get criticism but I don't care. My life has panned out well, as I now live in a beautiful part of the world which I love. The road here was rocky, but worth it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

PS - ***Just read this through, and wanted to explain that I was not playing around at all here. The controlling that my wife was doing was over my part-time work and daily activities.

 

[Ragdoll]

Like ragdolljulie I have just read this thread and I felt the same sadness. As Stew said, "...try almost 20 years of enforced celibacy before judging."

I was also in a sexless marriage for the same period of time, but additionally I was the victim of abuse (yes, men do get abused too), It was psychological abuse from my wife who was an alcoholic and a control freak. She almost completely destroyed my confidence, she controlled my friendships and activities. However, I worked frequently in London (we lived in Cheshire) and for just over ten years I was in a relationship with a couple. As a person I am both very sensitive and very tactile, I wanted a relationship which was purely physical and I figured that with a couple, we could all be able to get what we wanted (with less risk of any emotional attachment developing).

I know this thread is about cheating within the lifestyle. I was cheating in my marriage, and as someone else has said, there may be "mitigating circumstances," enforced celibacy and abuse being mine. However, it was wrong, regardless of the circumstances, mitigating or otherwise and I still have guilt from that. However, life is for living, and we never stop learning. After my experiences I have learned I know that I will never cheat again, whether I/we are in the lifestyle or not.

After emigrating, my relationship with the London couple ended, and I had moved to a country where I couldn't even speak the language. As I had retired early, the time spent with my wife was almost 100% and our relationship quickly declined further. After some years my wife, who was less successful in controlling my life than she had hoped***, threatened to injure herself, blame me and then report it to the police. It took me less than 24 hours to find a flat and move into it. I won't do time for anything that I am not guilty of. She was gobsmacked to realise that I still had some strength left, and that I actually did it.

Back to the swinging subject. I am now divorced and currently without a lady in my life. Apart from the guilt from my threesome with the couple in England, I have no regrets. I learned a lot about sexuality, intimacy and eroticism and I particularly learned a lot about myself. When I was married, I was a jealous person, but I'm not now. I think sharing a woman is extremely erotic, and as I love to give pleasure and also to see a woman enjoying herself, I would love to find a woman who would complement me in this aspect. The London couple both helped me to retain some of my confidence and self respect, which is possibly how I had the strength to leave my wife after she made such a horrible threat.

Sorry for the rambling post. I am sure I will get criticism but I don't care. My life has panned out well, as I now live in a beautiful part of the world which I love. The road here was rocky, but worth it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

PS - ***Just read this through, and wanted to explain that I was not playing around at all here. The controlling that my wife was doing was over my part-time work and daily activities.

I think this post just goes to show everyone has a different story and the journey that leads people to swinging is different for everyone.
The main thing for me is that no one gets hurt, I have seen couples out at the clubs where one of them is way more into it than the other but the other goes along with it.
I know I am in a very lucky position where I am given freedom to play with who I want and we are completely open and honest with each other.
If there is someone, male or female in a sexless marriage where swinging as a couple is not an option what are they meant to do? AlmeriaH I'm glad your situation improved and you are happy.
It might sound like I'm being an advocate for the married men "cheating" but it's not for me to judge anyone else. Swinging is about fun, you have a snap shot of someone's life, so just enjoy the time you have together. xx

 

[Deleted member 21301]

Like ragdolljulie I have just read this thread and I felt the same sadness. As Stew said, "...try almost 20 years of enforced celibacy before judging."

I was also in a sexless marriage for the same period of time, but additionally I was the victim of abuse (yes, men do get abused too), It was psychological abuse from my wife who was an alcoholic and a control freak. She almost completely destroyed my confidence, she controlled my friendships and activities. However, I worked frequently in London (we lived in Cheshire) and for just over ten years I was in a relationship with a couple. As a person I am both very sensitive and very tactile, I wanted a relationship which was purely physical and I figured that with a couple, we could all be able to get what we wanted (with less risk of any emotional attachment developing).

I know this thread is about cheating within the lifestyle. I was cheating in my marriage, and as someone else has said, there may be "mitigating circumstances," enforced celibacy and abuse being mine. However, it was wrong, regardless of the circumstances, mitigating or otherwise and I still have guilt from that. However, life is for living, and we never stop learning. After my experiences I have learned I know that I will never cheat again, whether I/we are in the lifestyle or not.

After emigrating, my relationship with the London couple ended, and I had moved to a country where I couldn't even speak the language. As I had retired early, the time spent with my wife was almost 100% and our relationship quickly declined further. After some years my wife, who was less successful in controlling my life than she had hoped***, threatened to injure herself, blame me and then report it to the police. It took me less than 24 hours to find a flat and move into it. I won't do time for anything that I am not guilty of. She was gobsmacked to realise that I still had some strength left, and that I actually did it.

Back to the swinging subject. I am now divorced and currently without a lady in my life. Apart from the guilt from my threesome with the couple in England, I have no regrets. I learned a lot about sexuality, intimacy and eroticism and I particularly learned a lot about myself. When I was married, I was a jealous person, but I'm not now. I think sharing a woman is extremely erotic, and as I love to give pleasure and also to see a woman enjoying herself, I would love to find a woman who would complement me in this aspect. The London couple both helped me to retain some of my confidence and self respect, which is possibly how I had the strength to leave my wife after she made such a horrible threat.

Sorry for the rambling post. I am sure I will get criticism but I don't care. My life has panned out well, as I now live in a beautiful part of the world which I love. The road here was rocky, but worth it.

Thanks for reading if you got this far.

PS - ***Just read this through, and wanted to explain that I was not playing around at all here. The controlling that my wife was doing was over my part-time work and daily activities.

It's a difficult one, one which I struggle with. I am married and my wife doesn't know I'm on here. What led me here? Well , similarly a life of infrequent and unsatisfying sex. Our life is good , we holiday, we have two grown kids so we had sex atleast twice

I'm not and never have been a cheater but it's come to a point were enough is enough. We might have sex twice a year if I'm lucky and then she just lies back , doesn't really engage and just goes through the motions. The thought that she really doesn't want to be having sex is demoralising to the point where I just can't be arsed any more. She never asks for sex, won't talk about and anything beyond missionary or a hand job is out of the question. No BJ for nearly 20 years! In all that time I've never cheated until I recently met up with an old gf recently and whose husband likes watching her. He agreed to her meeting me alone. So you have to ask yourself the question , leave it stay...

I don't want to leave but I do want sex...

It goes against how I've always acted and believed but what is one to do?

So like others have said, until you've experienced this sort of thing don't judge...

I don't expect everyone to like what I've said and accept it. Others will not mind it won't care. But, better that i let people on here the truth , they can then make choices based on the facts...

I'll stop rambling now

 

[Ragdoll]

It's a difficult one, one which I struggle with. I am married and my wife doesn't know I'm on here. What led me here? Well , similarly a life of infrequent and unsatisfying sex. Our life is good , we holiday, we have two grown kids so we had sex atleast twice

I'm not and never have been a cheater but it's come to a point were enough is enough. We might have sex twice a year if I'm lucky and then she just lies back , doesn't really engage and just goes through the motions. The thought that she really doesn't want to be having sex is demoralising to the point where I just can't be arsed any more. She never asks for sex, won't talk about and anything beyond missionary or a hand job is out of the question. No BJ for nearly 20 years! In all that time I've never cheated until I recently met up with an old gf recently and whose husband likes watching her. He agreed to her meeting me alone. So you have to ask yourself the question , leave it stay...

I don't want to leave but I do want sex...

It goes against how I've always acted and believed but what is one to do?

So like others have said, until you've experienced this sort of thing don't judge...

I don't expect everyone to like what I've said and accept it. Others will not mind it won't care. But, better that i let people on here the truth , they can then make choices based on the facts...

I'll stop rambling now

Being honest and up front is a brave thing to do. You may get a mixed response but at least everyone knows the score.
Your situation is one sadly many find themselves in. You don't have to answer but have you discussed having no strings sex outside of the marriage if she is really not into it?
I'm nosey so tell me to bore off if you want. xx

 

[Deleted member 21301]

Being honest and up front is a brave thing to do. You may get a mixed response but at least everyone knows the score.
Your situation is one sadly many find themselves in. You don't have to answer but have you discussed having no strings sex outside of the marriage if she is really not into it?
I'm nosey so tell me to bore off if you want. xx

I would never tell you to bore off

It is something I'm considering, yes

 

[Ragdoll]

I would never tell you to bore off

It is something I'm considering, yes

Considering to tell me to bore off ??

 

[denk15]

It's a difficult one, one which I struggle with. I am married and my wife doesn't know I'm on here. What led me here? Well , similarly a life of infrequent and unsatisfying sex. Our life is good , we holiday, we have two grown kids so we had sex atleast twice

I'm not and never have been a cheater but it's come to a point were enough is enough. We might have sex twice a year if I'm lucky and then she just lies back , doesn't really engage and just goes through the motions. The thought that she really doesn't want to be having sex is demoralising to the point where I just can't be arsed any more. She never asks for sex, won't talk about and anything beyond missionary or a hand job is out of the question. No BJ for nearly 20 years! In all that time I've never cheated until I recently met up with an old gf recently and whose husband likes watching her. He agreed to her meeting me alone. So you have to ask yourself the question , leave it stay...

I don't want to leave but I do want sex...

It goes against how I've always acted and believed but what is one to do?

So like others have said, until you've experienced this sort of thing don't judge...

I don't expect everyone to like what I've said and accept it. Others will not mind it won't care. But, better that i let people on here the truth , they can then make choices based on the facts...

I'll stop rambling now

I’ve been with my partner 12 years now and she has a really low sex drive. Like you it was driving me to despair because deep down I am a big old slut lol
Being sexually deprived in a relationship is fucking hard.
It finally got to the point where i nearly cheated, so I just came out and asked her if we could have an open relationship… she said no. But over time, whenever it came up (and even when it didn’t) I got to the root of the issues she had with it and once she understood my side of it, she finally (and happily) agreed. It’s a tough conversation but worth the effort.

 

[Deleted member 21301]

Considering to tell me to bore off ??