Swingers Who Cheat

[2ofus]

..... when SHE brought up the suggestion of swinging last year, just the idea of it almost tore me apart .... and yet here we are. And happy about it. VERY happy about it. ....

it realy did. his reaction when i asked him about it, i thought i'd messed up our marriage. he thought i mean i want to sleep with other men because i not happy. he didt even consider that i wanted to know did he want to try other women (i was only 2nd woman he ever been with, and i was not quite 18 when we got together, an he was 25 with kids an failed marriage). but he right. we realy are very happy. especially here. thankyou for all being so nice xx sorry about spelling. real bad dyslexia. if admin like to correct for me, i wont be upset xx

 

[Admin]

Thanks. Sorry it was so longwinded .. insomnia and morphine..... blah blah blah
All the "we"'s and "us"'s in there do only refer to Mrs @2ofus and myself.
The thing is ....my first marriage ended because I couldn't deal with my ex's cheating throughout the 6yrs we were narriex.... but on the other hand, if I made her happy, would she have been looking elsewhere? ... (that was my point of what goes on behind closed doors).
I've now been married almost 24 yrs to (and I know how girly this makes me sound) "the love of my life", and when SHE brought up the suggestion of swinging last year, just the idea of it almost tore me apart .... and yet here we are. And happy about it. VERY happy about it. Relationships are complicated. Bad ones AND good ones. (I could have just said that right at the start, or last night, lol)

Relationships are indeed funny. They're either good, or not. They either work, or they do not.
I wouldn't say it was long winded either, stop apologising

 

[Looby&Lew]

it realy did. his reaction when i asked him about it, i thought i'd messed up our marriage. he thought i mean i want to sleep with other men because i not happy. he didt even consider that i wanted to know did he want to try other women (i was only 2nd woman he ever been with, and i was not quite 18 when we got together, an he was 25 with kids an failed marriage). but he right. we realy are very happy. especially here. thankyou for all being so nice xx sorry about spelling. real bad dyslexia. if admin like to correct for me, i wont be upset xx

Love your post and your spelling it's just like Lew's and he's dyslexic too!

 

[Therapon]

@2ofus - I'd call that a bloody good answer to a difficult question - thanks for that, I enjoyed reading it.

 

[Pearls]

he is @Pearls, he is, don't you listen to that nasty @Mr-Biba and their rumour-mongering!!

See I bloody knew it, I panicked for a min then

 

[Looby&Lew]

See I bloody knew it, I panicked for a min then

He's shacked up with the tooth fairy!

 

[Pearls]

He's shacked up with the tooth fairy!

He's a good boy and Mrs Xmas would kill him xxx

 

[Deleted member 811]

With my wife's health problems she has said to me to find someone else for sex. As it says on my profile I'm here for friends first, lovers maybe, maybe not.
If other's are uncomfortable with my circumstance then that's fine. It's their choice. Just friends works for me. Take care all.

 

[Pearls]

With my wife's health problems she has said to me to find someone else for sex. As it says on my profile I'm here for friends first, lovers maybe, maybe not.
If other's are uncomfortable with my circumstance then that's fine. It's their choice. Just friends works for me. Take care all.

Well thankyou for being honest and friends are what make us in this scene, I do believe that xx

 

[Downunder]

I think there is a clear line between cheating and having fun. If you are creating a loving relationship then that is cheating and we all know that there is a clear distinction between making love and having fun, two completely different acts. You may also find that one party in a relationship is safe and secure knowing that distinction between the two and has no real need, or want, to have fun like the other party does and in fact there are scenarios where this is simply the case. So a flat out no by others could in fact be detrimental to securing an existing relationship but then how would they know if they only have one party stating it's ok...it's a hard one, excuse the pun

 

[Lola]

I wouldn't. It just doesn't sit well with my personal khama. Each to their own it's just not for me.

 

[Neither_dark_or_handsome]

I kinda fall under the 'if the shoe was on the other foot, would i be happy if my other half was cheating on me' so first instinct would be no. But like some say there are many reasons as to why they are willing to do so and I would listen to their one.

 

[Deleted member 3411]

I thought the whole point about swinging is enjoying other people with your partner, or if not that with your partners permission and full knowledge. If you cheat on your partner then you are going against everything swinging is for.

 

[Pearls]

I thought the whole point about swinging is enjoying other people with your partner, or if not that with your partners permission and full knowledge. If you cheat on your partner then you are going against everything swinging is for.

Very true, I know of a couple that are swingers and only do full swap and seperate, so hubby has a lovely wife and is free to do what he wants with others with his wife's consent but the little weasel had an affair with another woman from FB.... She was heart broken and her words to me was, This man had everything and still went and had an affair.... Creep xx

 

[2ofus]

Again though - 'cheating' is often 'in the eye of the beholder' - I'm not saying it doesn't happen, of course it does - or condoning it when it does - but there are genuine times where it really isn't black and white.

My earlier point was that, for someone - anyone - registered as 'single' on a swinging site, that THEIR reasons for swinging CAN be every bit as valid, whether they be married or otherwise, as someone registered as part of a couple.

I know that if MY parents, or those of Mrs @2ofus - or any of our siblings, children or grandchildren (OR indeed the majority of our FRIENDS) knew what WE enjoy as a "hobby" or "lifestyle choice", then every single one of them would consider ME a cheat -AND Mrs @2ofus a cheat - whether we were playing together OR separately. From MY point of view, when Mrs @2ofus is playing with someone, she's most definitely NOT cheating - even if I'm not present - but from THEIR point of view .... well, I'm not sure HOW the conversation with our kids would go - certainly not the happiest conversation ever!

I split from, and ultimately divorced my first wife BECAUSE she was cheating on me - with several men .... BUT, if at that time I had chosen to join a swinging site, as a single ma, and was open with those members about my reasons for doing so - I would not have considered myself as 'cheating' - after all, I would have been as entitled as anyone else to enjoy themselves sexually, surely?
That's what i mean by 'in the eyes of the beholder'- and certainly not black and white.

Sorry - rambling, and not intentionally.

sorry - one other point - it's not JUST about the sex with swinging either - a lot of it, when playing or not, is about the social contact with other adults - and importantly at times, adults who find you attractive and interesting to talk to ... especially if your other half doesn't. Divorce and separation isn't always an option - it wasn't for me until right at the end, which is why I put up with it for as long as I did - but like I said - and this is only MY opinion - everyone's reasons should be considered as valid as your own - until they're proved otherwise.

 

[2ofus]

As Mrs @2of us Just pointed out, "I would rather play with an honest 'cheater', than with a lying 'genuine single person'.

We've known genuine, nice, honest but unhappy married people - and equally genuine etc HAPPY married people - and again, equally genuine SINGLE people ..... and we've also known lying, 2-faced people in each category ....

If a 'single' swinger has a wedding ring on, then yes, you KNOW they have a 'significant other', who probably doesn't know what they're doing - but just because you meet a 'single' swinger WITHOUT a ring ... you don't know for certain that they don't have a long-term boyfriend/girlfriend and children at home.... OR of they are happy/unhappy in that relationship OR indeed if their partner knows what they're doing.

The ONLY way of knowing for certain, that the person you're playing with is doing so with the full knowledge of any significant other, would be to join a "Married Swingers Only" club, so EVERYBODY was in the same boat ..... Personally I wouldn't enjoy that ..... Single men AND women have a huge contribution to make to the community ... and to MY and Mrs @2ofus's enjoyment - like Mrs @2of us said .... Of rather have honesty from the person I was meeting, than be treated like S**T by them ... as she was once by a "genuinely single" person. I would rather she had been treated with respect by an unhappily married person (male OR female), who was totally honest with her.

Rambling again sorry ... need to stay away from the comp when I'm on my meds, apologies if this is over the too. @Admin please feel free to delete, amend, and/or admonish as required.

B

 

[Admin]

@Admin please feel free to delete, amend, and/or admonish as required.

No need to edit nor amend and nothing to apologise for.

 

[Miss-Sexy-Legs]

when i first started going solo i met whom i was led to believe were a cple and had some good fun in the beginning then the male part decided i was a better option as he put it and therefore i was the cause of a split in that partnership i felt really guilty when i found out but then the bombshell they were both married to others of which neither partners knew , i have learnt along the way now and it as made me apprehensive in meeting a lot of cples

 

[2ofus]

Like I said ... very rarely black and white.

Also proves my "Married Swingers Only" club wouldn't work .... Like I said .. much rather have honest and genuine playmates for Mrs @2ofus, whether married OR single, than someone who didn't treat her the way I think she deserves - she's been treated badly by genuinely single men in the past - and we've known others who have too.

And like I said previously, I've been chatting to a married lady since we started swinging back in January of last year, and IF the opportunity came up, then YES, I would very happily play with her - EVEN knowing her husband knows nothing about it, because I feel I know enough about HER reasons to find them valid.

HOWEVER ... If I NEVER play with her -then I'm happy that Mrs @2ofus and I can still be people she feels comfortable chatting to socially.

I know that very possibly, that would put me in some peoples 'bad books', that I would KNOWINGLY play with someone 'cheating' on their husband ... but like I've said, lots of times HER reasons for swinging - both sexually AND socially, are just as valid as mine - and the fact she has been 100% honest with both of us about her situation right from the start, is a major factor as to how I feel about whether or not she would be 'cheating rather than swinging' - it really IS about how SHE, we, and other people SEE her - and of course her husband IF he found out, WOULD consider her a cheat - whatever he's been doing in the past ... like I said though, if my kids found out, THEY would consider ME as a cheat ... and they wouldn't care about MY reasons, or about Mrs @2ofus 's reasons for 'allowing' me to 'cheat' .... or vice versa.

 

[TownhouseTwosome]

I haven't read all the replies on this thread so I apologise if this has been said.
Most swingers clubs wouldn't have members if there weren't cheating swingers on the scene. An awful lot of single guys and girls have partners at home and come in when they can get away and most are very honest about it. We also have LOADS of swinging couples who have been together for years but are married to other people.
If you go to a club for a one off night out and meet a couple/single for a play, they could just lie to you and you wouldn't know any different. If people are upfront and tell you, of course you have a choice to make then. But this scene is supposed to be about NSA sex....walk away afterwards, so should we be so judgemental?
People have many reasons for straying and I for one do not judge anybody for doing so...walk a mile in my shoes and all that. I don't think we can be so judgemental on the swinging scene as we are all about a liberated lifestyle and enjoying sex; the reasons for why people swing are often secondary.
As for not getting involved in domestics, just don't give your phone numbers out. Enjoy your play and walk away. There is no way to be found if you meet someone in a club with no prior online chatting.
If you are chatting for a while online and strike up a friendship, then that is different and could cause problems down the line, but if you don't agree with playing with cheaters, then just don't and your conscience is clear.
Unfortunately, this scene is a magnet for cheaters and I see it day in and day out. I even get calls from wives and husbands who have found membership cards resulting in awkward conversations. But at the end of the day, you can't control the actions of others or take responsibility for them. If a jilted partner gets in touch, it's between them, it's not my issue to deal with.
Just my opinion xx

 

[Admin]

I haven't read all the replies on this thread so I apologise if this has been said.
Most swingers clubs wouldn't have members if there weren't cheating swingers on the scene. An awful lot of single guys and girls have partners at home and come in when they can get away and most are very honest about it. We also have LOADS of swinging couples who have been together for years but are married to other people.
If you go to a club for a one off night out and meet a couple/single for a play, they could just lie to you and you wouldn't know any different. If people are upfront and tell you, of course you have a choice to make then. But this scene is supposed to be about NSA sex....walk away afterwards, so should we be so judgemental?
People have many reasons for straying and I for one do not judge anybody for doing so...walk a mile in my shoes and all that. I don't think we can be so judgemental on the swinging scene as we are all about a liberated lifestyle and enjoying sex; the reasons for why people swing are often secondary.
As for not getting involved in domestics, just don't give your phone numbers out. Enjoy your play and walk away. There is no way to be found if you meet someone in a club with no prior online chatting.
If you are chatting for a while online and strike up a friendship, then that is different and could cause problems down the line, but if you don't agree with playing with cheaters, then just don't and your conscience is clear.
Unfortunately, this scene is a magnet for cheaters and I see it day in and day out. I even get calls from wives and husbands who have found membership cards resulting in awkward conversations. But at the end of the day, you can't control the actions of others or take responsibility for them. If a jilted partner gets in touch, it's between them, it's not my issue to deal with.
Just my opinion xx

This is one thing about the scene that's always baffled me.. It's supposed to be non-judgemental, yet so many can be and are.
Not so much here, but in the lifestyle in general.
I agree with your post and ultimately people are responsible for their own actions. x

 

[2ofus]

We have played with people - both single AND married, who because of the way they've acted after, have made us FEEL like we were involved in something more akin to cheating rather than playing - again - it's down to honesty and attitude - by which I mean honesty between all of those taking part. As thew old adage goes - You don't know what's going on behind closed doors in peoples homes - some of the worst domestic violence happens at the homes of couples who, when they've sat at your dining table, you've had no CLUE as to what happened just before they left, or what WILL happen just after they get home - and the same applies as much to someones sx-life as it does to any other aspect of their lives - including the extreme example I've just given.

If someone isn't happy, for whatever reason, surely it's up to THAT person, and THEIR conscience, how they correct that, rather than ME, or MY conscience - or 'yours', 'his','that girl over there's ' etc - As I've said before - I've BEEN cheated on, ad I know how it feels, I left my first marriage because of it. But I put up with it for a long LONG time, because, with a young family (3 sons), I felt I didn't have the option of walking away.

At the time, I was so naive, I had no idea there was a swinging 'scene' - I just thought it happened between couples who had adventurous friends - if I HAD known about it (and assuming I would have had the bottle back then ... I wouldn't have - I barely do now!), then I WOULD have at least felt I had the RIGHT to go to a club, and find the sort of friendship, companionship and attention I wasn't receiving at home, and in that way made my home-life that much easier to contend with .... certainly it would have been a far better (and more preferable) option than the one I followed, which was a downward spiral into near-alcoholism, which was only ended with some strong counselling and ultimately the arrival of Mrs @2ofus into my life.

As @TownhouseTwosome said .. "walk a mile in my shoes etc.....". Swinging - as much as sex, is a very social 'hobby', 'lifestyle', call it what you will. For some people - just TALKING to someone is considered cheating, for others, 'anything goes as long as i's not full sex'.

We have friends who (and they don't know we swing - our community is far FAR too small for that), work under the proviso, that when either of them is working away from home, "as long as there's no photos/video/social media comments or further contact, then it didn't happen" - for ME, that's something i couldn't cope with - I NEED the honesty of what Mrs @2ofus has done to consider it 'playing not cheating' - and she feels the same. USUALLY we play together, but we HAVE played separately - WITH eachothers full and prior knowledge, and after, the 'post-play chat' has ALWAYS been something we have BOTH enjoyed, and 'used to our benefit' lol

I am happy to play with ANYONE who is HONEST with both myself and Mrs@2ofus, is RESPECTFUL to both of us, and doesn't afterwards treat one of or both of us like social lepers when we've seen that at a swinging gathering again (oh it's happened, trust me!)

 

[2ofus]

I'm sorry - I know almost all my posts in this thread have been mega-essay/sermon-like, and it's not intentional - I'm not usually a particulary vocal/centre-of-attention person - far from it. I am (honestly!!) quite shy, with a fairly large lack of self-esteem - oddly enough moreso since STARTING to swing ... (I know - go figure ... something I enjoy, makes me MORE shy than NOT doing it!).

I don't ADVOCATE "cheating2 - for all the reasons I've mentioned - BUT .... I also don't believe that everyone who is considered by OTHERS to 'be a cheat', IS a cheat - I think, particularly within the world of swinging, that it's an unfair, and highly unpleasant tag to give someone. After all, what is "a swinger" - according to @Bansheewarrior , "not single males" - and whilst I think his post on the 'swingle male subject' is fantastic - I dispute that one fact - single males and single females are as much a part of this scene as married couples/unmarried couples/friends etc etc.

Do you need to be part of the scene to 'swing' ... I don't think so - certainly the very first time some people swing, they weren't 'swingers' (at least not at the START of the evening - sometimes it starts as a drunken night with friends, that ends in fun/chaos/sex/whatever - well, if those 'friends' weren't 'swingers' at the start of the evening, then that first 'drunken kiss'/grope/snog/fumble etc etc ... was that cheating? did they, that very first time, 'cheat' on their partner? after all - there was no 'prior agreement/arrangement' (by which I'm referring to what I said in my previous post about MY differentiation between 'cheating/playing' nothing else) ... or were they, in fact 'swinging without being swingers' - there really is NO cuut and dried, clear 'line in the sand', between what I do if I was swinging, and what I do if I was cheating - OTHER than MY opinion of my actions, and Mrs @2ofus's opinion of those actions. If SHE does something, and I DON'T consider it cheating, and am very comfortable with it ... but YOUR opinion is "well WE consider that CHEATING, not SWINGING or PLAYING" ... well I'm sorry, but in that instance, YOUR opinion isn't worth a chocolate button to me!

Sorry - sermonlike again - this started out (I promise), as a 1 paragraph post. I'll shut up now, and let someone else have THEIR 2-penn'oth worth

 

[Admin]

After all, what is "a swinger" - according to @Bansheewarrior , "not single males" - and whilst I think his post on the 'swingle male subject' is fantastic - I dispute that one fact - single males and single females are as much a part of this scene as married couples/unmarried couples/friends etc etc.

This I agree with. Swingles are as much of the swinging scene as couples. Whilst swinging IS a couples' thing, which it is, swingles do play a significant role in swinging too.

 

[Richluvspussy]

Well to be honest, my lady has a playmate up north who she messages regularly via FB and meets occasionally. When I first found out about it, I was really hurt and annoyed, but mostly out of fear she'd leave me really. So we tried moving into separate bedrooms, which lasted all of about 10 minutes. I also had a 'revenge fling' for a while...until my FWB started getting a bit too serious (despite me making clear I wasn't into that) and it sort of petered out. Meanwhile, me and my lady are still together, and I've kind of got used to it because we still love each other. She doesn't know I do all this cyber stuff though - mostly because when I went off with this other woman out of revenge, she didn't like it. I suspect the same thing would happen if I was more honest, a bit of "she wants her cake but not sure about me wanting some too". So I just don't tell her about all this, its easier that way. Would I meet someone for real? Not exactly sure, but the other day I had a real chance and messed it up (via Fab this was), mainly because the arrangement was for her to come back to mine during the day, while my partner was at work - I felt awful about it and so pulled out. I might have felt differently if she had been away up north or elsewhere meeting her playmate, but it felt like too much of an invasion. So the answer is, again, I don't know. Quite possibly if I wasn't the one accommodating, but even then I am not sure. The initial excitement is all very well and good, but what about afterwards? My mood and my thoughts really do swing wildly on this one....excuse the pun