Where Do You Get Your Confidence From?

[Admin]

You know what has become very clear, and someone touched on it earlier, everyone is way too "in the comfort zone" on here, we've ceased to see each other as potential swingers, and treat each other as more as friends (which we are )

When was the last time you checked a friends profile ?

When was the last time you updated yours ?

Is everything still accurate, have your needs, wants and desires changed?

How many people bother to put up a nice or flirty status message, but are happy to comment on others !

Come on folks, spring clean yourselves, if you've got it flaunt it !

I think, it goes to show the levels of comfort and trust with everyone else on here.
In fairness, that's pretty remarkable. It's very unique... We've/you've - created/nurtured/built more than a contact site for swingers..

 

[Tigress]

I wink at the people I fancy...

 

[Nigel&Julie]

Thanks - hope it helps as much as it helped me. I had a really bad start in life and my confidence was in tatters. Just wish I'd been given the advice sooner. But hey, I'm in an excellent place now and a much stronger person than I thought I'd ever be.

I am loving your comments xxjxx

 

[Bump-n-Grind]

It's tough knowing how to approach people in clubs.
It's be the easiest thing to advise taking the thick skinned approach & brush off any knock backs & move on, but reality isn't quite like that.
I'm unsure of what impression we've given to the people we've met with regards to confidence but the truth is some days I feel bullet proof, other times I'm more fragile .
The fragile days are the ones where there's reluctance to approach & a lot of hesitancy.
Ironically the bullet proof days we're much more likely to be approached.
If there's a science to it then we certainly haven't found the formula & by the sounds of it most of us are in the same boat

 

[MickeyBlueBalls]

Winks, winks, winks. There's a big misconception on what they are and why they're there.
A wink is not a one button solution for foreplay and flirting. I've been on social sites since the days of AOL and MS chat and winks are used this way:

• Wink = hey I've had a look at your profile and I'm intrigued.
• At this point your choices are simple you look at the winker's profile, you like what you see you wink back = hey thanks for the wink, I like what I see you may now message me/us
• Person initiating wink PMs the person/couple they're interested in and thus begins the flirty dialogue.

Only reason I don't use winks is because I'm hard faced enough to pm and face the music. Otherwise that's how winks work. Hope this was helpful.

 

[Nigel&Julie]

Winks, winks, winks. There's a big misconception on what they are and why they're there.
A wink is not a one button solution for foreplay and flirting. I've been on social sites since the days of AOL and MS chat and winks are used this way:

• Wink = hey I've had a look at your profile and I'm intrigued.
• At this point your choices are simple you look at the winker's profile, you like what you see you wink back = hey thanks for the wink, I like what I see you may now message me/us
• Person initiating wink PMs the person/couple they're interested in and thus begins the flirty dialogue.

Only reason I don't use winks is because I'm hard faced enough to pm and face the music. Otherwise that's how winks work. Hope this was helpful.

Old school AOL and MSN...showing your age xxjxx lol x

 

[Deleted member 3657]

Confidence has gone with lots of rejection not just from here but in general has left me feeling rather vacant. So where do I get it from? Should ask the question, where has it gone???

 

[Nigel&Julie]

Confidence has gone with lots of rejection not just from here but in general has left me feeling rather vacant. So where do I get it from? Should ask the question, where has it gone???

Hope all is ok xxjxx

 

[MickeyBlueBalls]

Old school AOL and MSN...showing your age xxjxx lol x

Lol I know. I think chat rooms have become a lost art. It was so simple back then before kids bastardised the etiquette with the likes of facebook & twitter. I used to love A Oh Hell. xx

 

[Nigel&Julie]

Lol I know. I think chat rooms have become a lost art. It was so simple back then before kids bastardised the etiquette with the likes of facebook & twitter. I used to love A Oh Hell. xx

xxjxx

 

[Deleted member 3657]

Hope all is ok xxjxx

Beginning to wonder if it's still worth being here. Made some good friends and in touch in other ways but find more and more join who just block straight away. I understand that rejections will happen but it's got to a stage where I'm not feeling welcome.

 

[Sammy]

Beginning to wonder if it's still worth being here. Made some good friends and in touch in other ways but find more and more join who just block straight away. I understand that rejections will happen but it's got to a stage where I'm not feeling welcome.

Hey rider
Very sad to hear you feel like that hunni , n actually didn't know what click

Hope some if the long standing regs can sort you out lol

 

[Bump-n-Grind]

Beginning to wonder if it's still worth being here. Made some good friends and in touch in other ways but find more and more join who just block straight away. I understand that rejections will happen but it's got to a stage where I'm not feeling welcome.

It's a sad day when a member of this calibre & a mate feels this way, for those of you that haven't met him yet he really is a top, top guy.
No @Kwaka_Rider , no party.
The place would be much much poorer if you weren't here

Mr Bump & Mrs Grind

 

[No longer with us]

I would rather be blocked than blatantly ignored !!!!
Just saying

 

[AutumnH]

My two pennies worth, so it'll probably be a long post!

It's been really nice to see everyone's responses about confidence, it just goes to show how supportive, informative and friendly the site is and how we are all in the same boat.

Regarding confidence itself (confidence in RL, not the swinging world) it's as feature of personality which needs to be nurtured in the correct way to grow. Compliments from other people, dressing yourself in something you feel comfortable with, self acceptance, sense of worth, knowing your Self [capital S - your Self is your personality, what you want, what makes you feel happy etc.] and I would say to an extent the feeling of being desired or looking at yourself in the mirror and saying to yourself "you know what? I'm actually not that bad looking" [took me almost 30 years to get to that point!] . So asking 'where do you get your confidence come from?' I think is the wrong way to word the question. I think a better question is "what makes you feel confident?" because it's a collection of different aspects.

Confidence in a club, I really can't help you with. If I were to be in a club on my own, I could guarantee you I'd be curled up in the corner, hissing at any person who even glances my way. But that's down to me and my personal life experiences. I don't have the confidence to approach people in a club because, like @Kwaka_Rider, rejection from life in general and not feeling physically attractive enough to warrant self acceptance, worth, desire etc. I would rather someone approach me, which as a SF gives me the control. That being said, being in a club with people I know from the site, gives me the confidence to enjoy the experience and like other people have mentioned, have sex with friends.




As for the whole 'winking' thing on profiles. I'm sorry, I didn't realise that you were interested in me. If you want to talk to me please send me a PM because I received quite a few and I can't remember who you are!

 

[No longer with us]

That's a hard one, being blatantly ignored is confusing, but then so is being blocked if you don't understand why/ haven't done anything wrong...both suck

I think if ur blocked by someone it's for a reason known to you
The confusion is whether u have been blocked or if the account is just private to anyone but friends
Being ignored is just damn rude xxx

 

[No longer with us]

I think it is a different message that comes up if you are blocked, I think. Some guy blocked me, because I didn't metaphorically drop my knickers for him three sentences into a chat...I was a tad insulted, but aye, I knew why...

Lol
Some people are just too damn sensitive

 

[Sammy]

I think it is a different message that comes up if you are blocked, I think. Some guy blocked me, because I didn't metaphorically drop my knickers for him three sentences into a chat...I was a tad insulted, but aye, I knew why...

miss cinnamon
You've a way with words love it
That made me laugh out loud

 

[Nigel&Julie]

drop my knickers for him three sentences into a chat...

Bloody hell woman you play hard to get, i wasn't hopeing to put that much into a message to people ...N x

 

[BoltonBiFemCpl]

Thought you said earlier you was gonna try harder xxjxx lol xx

I am trying harder but I have to read profiles first so it may take a while as don't wanna be messaging folks all over the place

 

[Deleted member 3175]

I have to say that this is one of thee best posts around to have people feel the same and be able to share your thoughts.

Also some of the replies are So in depth and some damn right funny! X

 

[No longer with us]

I have to say that this is one of thee best posts around to have people feel the same and be able to share your thoughts.

Also some of the replies are So in depth and some damn right funny! X

Couldn't agree more xx

 

[Therapon]

Where do you get confidence from, in real life no idea tbh, some days I can chat to anyone but on others I can find it difficult. On site it is easier to chat but also its much easier to be misunderstood because you haven't got the body language signs to read. If I'm honest I'd say I'm not the most confident person but I think that is good, who wants to appear overconfident/arrogant?
As others have said its about doing a bit of homework before you chat online. Read the profile, members put up the information for you, the least you can do is to spend a little time to read it.

Beginning to wonder if it's still worth being here. Made some good friends and in touch in other ways but find more and more join who just block straight away. I understand that rejections will happen but it's got to a stage where I'm not feeling welcome.

This is up to the individual, you may not like it but you need to understand there may be a very good reason for them doing this. As per this thread they may well lack that initial confidence in which case we can only hope they realise this site is different and given time they will be more open. Don't assume anything and remember they have access to the forums and if you come across as the guy you can be they may well choose to contact you. In other words don't give.

 

[Sammy]

Where do you get confidence from, in real life no idea tbh, some days I can chat to anyone but on others I can find it difficult. On site it is easier to chat but also its much easier to be misunderstood because you haven't got the body language signs to read. If I'm honest I'd say I'm not the most confident person but I think that is good, who wants to appear overconfident/arrogant?
As others have said its about doing a bit of homework before you chat online. Read the profile, members put up the information for you, the least you can do is to spend a little time to read it.



This is up to the individual, you may not like it but you need to understand there may be a very good reason for them doing this. As per this thread they may well lack that initial confidence in which case we can only hope they realise this site is different and given time they will be more open. Don't assume anything and remember they have access to the forums and if you come across as the guy you can be they may well choose to contact you. In other words don't give.

You literally have taken the words outta of my mouth
I just said to someone 30 secs ago , it's easy to chat but it's sooo easy to be misunderstood and end up having to dig oneself outta of hole you didn't realise you were in

Definitely agree and I've said when I get myself into that situation I shouldn't be allowed out to play myself ...

 

[Therapon]

You literally have taken the words outta of my mouth
I just said to someone 30 secs ago , it's easy to chat but it's sooo easy to be misunderstood and end up having to dig oneself outta of hole you didn't realise you were in

Definitely agree and I've said when I get myself into that situation I shouldn't be allowed out to play myself ...

Lol we all make mistakes and believe me I've made a few but if you don't get it wrong sometimes you aren't trying or learning. Yeah it can be embarrasing at the time but looking back now its also funny.