Where Do You Get Your Confidence From?

[MickeyBlueBalls]

Beginning to wonder if it's still worth being here. Made some good friends and in touch in other ways but find more and more join who just block straight away. I understand that rejections will happen but it's got to a stage where I'm not feeling welcome.

Mate you've had, have got a lot on your plate at the moment. I think this just exacerbates everything and your feeling it at the moment. My advice, take a break. See to the personal stuff and when you're feeling better you'll be back in a better frame of mind. Take a week or two off and see how it goes.

 

[Nigel&Julie]

at least you can make it to the socials , it's a step further than I have got xxx

Get your name down for the VA social on 20th may, will look forward to seeing you there

 

[Pearls]

I'll have a good read of this and come back x

 

[Deleted member 6127]

I am confident in my working role, but I can be very reserved in other areas of my life and new situations.
I tend to people watch until I'm comfortable in new surroundings, and I'm never direct in fear of rejection.
This is probally why I have never attended a social due my own insecurities when I was a SL.
Outwardly others would perceive me as confident but like many others in this thread I need someone to be direct in the way they approach me, as this then eleviates any doubt that the person is interested in getting to know me and spend time with me.
To sum up what makes me confident:
The great people on here, who chat and share their own worries on confidence which In turns reassures me I'm not the only one who worries about this. Cx

 

[Pearls]

Well confidence comes with all different walks and aspects of our lives, Am I a confident person? I guess you would say yes and you would be right, when it comes to business and here, I kind of see myself as the mouthy landlady that has a job to do.
I suppose when it actually comes down to this swinging melarky and meeting someone for the first time personally then I would have to say no and I am extremely shy (Tis true so no laughing).
I do lack that confidence and this is where @Admin plays a big role as he has confidence but that role is reversed in other areas, strange really as he is a shy person. You are who you are at the end of the day, we can't change that and as for @Nigel&Julie we have met now a few times and I see a wonderful couple, you both are amazing xx

 

[No longer with us]

Get your name down for the VA social on 20th may, will look forward to seeing you there

We may well surprise you

 

[Phoenixcouplexx]

Interesting read. It's not been easy for us at times and our confidence seems to ebb and flow depending on how often we've been out to clubs etc and the gym! Lol
At times its been damn frustrating when you're convinced people just 'won't be into you' and those words just won't come out.
Though online it's never been an issue at times in the clubs it definitely has. Something we are aware of and definitely work to overcome. Gets much easier if it's people we've spoken to before and liked we've found.
It annoys the life out of me if I'm honest! Lol

 

[tricky-dicky]

I buy mine from the pound shop

 

[Deleted member 1030]

I buy mine from the pound shop

Is that your brand of aftershave; 'Confidence' by Alan Titchmarsh?

 

[Therapon]

Is that your brand of aftershave; 'Confidence' by Alan Titchmarsh?

Tried it, wasn't impressed by the rather overpowering aud de equine but it sure made queing at the tills a lot faster

 

[Therapon]

You still can't beat Brut

No you can't. I tried killing it a few times but it keeps reappearing

 

[DiamondJoe]

See, the interesting - and obvious thing - about this thread and the whole topic of confidence is you will notice everybody (well, 98% of people) feel the same way, worry about their body, their performance, what the other person will think &c &c &c.

Conclusion - it's human.

If you can learn to try and step outside your own worries (which are the same as everyone else's) and concentrate on making the other person relaxed then everything, everything goes much smoother.

 

[.Jophanie.]

This thread has made for a great read!! So many view points x thanks all x

 

[Cheeky_Demon]

People have described me as confident. I see myself as 'happy-go-lucky' just plain 'friendly' with more than a dash of 'cheek' thrown in to make people smile & relax. I'm a flirt and have been called a charmer too. But I simply say what's in my head, for better or for worse.

In my head I never know if anyone likes me enough to want to strip me naked... until they make it obvious! Once we've found that level, then I definitely do take on a very confident stance with them in the future.

Before then if I'm meeting you one to one or talking to you at a social I am very self-assured and just being myself...

...and probably having dirty thoughts about you.

 

[The_Bibas]

Alcohol

XxxBibaxxX

 

[Baldrick]

Interesting read all this.

I would've thought that all swingers willing to get naked and have sex with strangers would have shedloads of confidence. I thought it was just us who get nervous at the thought of it.

In my proffesional life I am confident. I am good at what I do, one of the best. I have to believe that, if I believe it, the customer believes it. Is that arrogance? Would you rather have an engineer say "erm I'm not sure I can do that" or an engineer that says "do not worry. I will sort this for you"?

Strangely enough in my personal life I do lack confidence and I suffer anxiety attacks very occasionally in big crowds (that's embarrassing to admit) and I just have to get the feck out of there.
Face to face or in smaller groups I will say hello and exchange pleasantries but I tend to observe people, take a step back and watch how they interact together/with others. I'm not body confident but I'm not ashamed either. I am just me.
When interacting with a group I will observe how they interact with each other and change my personality to suit the situation, however I won't try to be the leader or Alpha of the group. I suppose I try and blend in.

Online is different. I can be me in the forums. Yes I can be a clown but I think this is my way of being friendly. I am shy (believe it or not) and I get anxious but I do not let that hold me back. I can tell somebody I fancy them even if it's embarrassing for me. If they say no, what does it matter? Be polite, be friendly, get on with your day. If you don't like me, fair enough, not a problem, it bothers me not-a-jot, it doesn't have to be a drama, just do your thing and I'll do mine.
But just but one of those people might just like you and also lack the confidence to say it. Just saying Hello might lead to the fantasy you've always wanted.

My favourite quote for anybody who cares is "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

B x

 

[Lips_Pearls]

Interesting read all this.

I would've thought that all swingers willing to get naked and have sex with strangers would have shedloads of confidence. I thought it was just us who get nervous at the thought of it.

In my proffesional life I am confident. I am good at what I do, one of the best. I have to believe that, if I believe it, the customer believes it. Is that arrogance? Would you rather have an engineer say "erm I'm not sure I can do that" or an engineer that says "do not worry. I will sort this for you"?

Strangely enough in my personal life I do lack confidence and I suffer anxiety attacks very occasionally in big crowds (that's embarrassing to admit) and I just have to get the feck out of there.
Face to face or in smaller groups I will say hello and exchange pleasantries but I tend to observe people, take a step back and watch how they interact together/with others. I'm not body confident but I'm not ashamed either. I am just me.
When interacting with a group I will observe how they interact with each other and change my personality to suit the situation, however I won't try to be the leader or Alpha of the group. I suppose I try and blend in.

Online is different. I can be me in the forums. Yes I can be a clown but I think this is my way of being friendly. I am shy (believe it or not) and I get anxious but I do not let that hold me back. I can tell somebody I fancy them even if it's embarrassing for me. If they say no, what does it matter? Be polite, be friendly, get on with your day. If you don't like me, fair enough, not a problem, it bothers me not-a-jot, it doesn't have to be a drama, just do your thing and I'll do mine.
But just but one of those people might just like you and also lack the confidence to say it. Just saying Hello might lead to the fantasy you've always wanted.

My favourite quote for anybody who cares is "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

B x

Kudos to you...
And thank you for sharing. The War Office says - #ShareTheLove
Fair play to you though for an open, frank and honest account/perspective x

 

[Pearls]

Interesting read all this.

I would've thought that all swingers willing to get naked and have sex with strangers would have shedloads of confidence. I thought it was just us who get nervous at the thought of it.

In my proffesional life I am confident. I am good at what I do, one of the best. I have to believe that, if I believe it, the customer believes it. Is that arrogance? Would you rather have an engineer say "erm I'm not sure I can do that" or an engineer that says "do not worry. I will sort this for you"?

Strangely enough in my personal life I do lack confidence and I suffer anxiety attacks very occasionally in big crowds (that's embarrassing to admit) and I just have to get the feck out of there.
Face to face or in smaller groups I will say hello and exchange pleasantries but I tend to observe people, take a step back and watch how they interact together/with others. I'm not body confident but I'm not ashamed either. I am just me.
When interacting with a group I will observe how they interact with each other and change my personality to suit the situation, however I won't try to be the leader or Alpha of the group. I suppose I try and blend in.

Online is different. I can be me in the forums. Yes I can be a clown but I think this is my way of being friendly. I am shy (believe it or not) and I get anxious but I do not let that hold me back. I can tell somebody I fancy them even if it's embarrassing for me. If they say no, what does it matter? Be polite, be friendly, get on with your day. If you don't like me, fair enough, not a problem, it bothers me not-a-jot, it doesn't have to be a drama, just do your thing and I'll do mine.
But just but one of those people might just like you and also lack the confidence to say it. Just saying Hello might lead to the fantasy you've always wanted.

My favourite quote for anybody who cares is "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

B x

#feelthelove

 

[Baldrick]

Kudos to you...
And thank you for sharing. The War Office says - #ShareTheLove
Fair play to you though for an open, frank and honest account/perspective x

You're very welcome .

Although I would like to add (I know, I can't believe I wrote a dull post that long and I still left something out), if somebody doesn't like me I'm always curious to know why. If I inadvertantly offend somebody I always like to have the opportunity to apologise.
Don't get me wrong, I still don't care if somebody doesn't like me but I have no desire to offend anybody either .

B x

 

[Nigel&Julie]

We are still the same now as when Julie started this thread. why ? N&J xx

Interesting read all this.

I would've thought that all swingers willing to get naked and have sex with strangers would have shedloads of confidence. I thought it was just us who get nervous at the thought of it.

In my proffesional life I am confident. I am good at what I do, one of the best. I have to believe that, if I believe it, the customer believes it. Is that arrogance? Would you rather have an engineer say "erm I'm not sure I can do that" or an engineer that says "do not worry. I will sort this for you"?

Strangely enough in my personal life I do lack confidence and I suffer anxiety attacks very occasionally in big crowds (that's embarrassing to admit) and I just have to get the feck out of there.
Face to face or in smaller groups I will say hello and exchange pleasantries but I tend to observe people, take a step back and watch how they interact together/with others. I'm not body confident but I'm not ashamed either. I am just me.
When interacting with a group I will observe how they interact with each other and change my personality to suit the situation, however I won't try to be the leader or Alpha of the group. I suppose I try and blend in.

Online is different. I can be me in the forums. Yes I can be a clown but I think this is my way of being friendly. I am shy (believe it or not) and I get anxious but I do not let that hold me back. I can tell somebody I fancy them even if it's embarrassing for me. If they say no, what does it matter? Be polite, be friendly, get on with your day. If you don't like me, fair enough, not a problem, it bothers me not-a-jot, it doesn't have to be a drama, just do your thing and I'll do mine.
But just but one of those people might just like you and also lack the confidence to say it. Just saying Hello might lead to the fantasy you've always wanted.

My favourite quote for anybody who cares is "If you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got"

B x

Well put Balders. N

 

[Arb]

We are still the same now as when Julie started this thread. why ? N&J xx

Well put Balders. N

Because you are who you are you can’t change that, not in a few months or a year. It took me decades to change as a person.
I am tree obsessed and I often liken trees to people, they take time to change to their environment, sometimes they succeed sometimes they don’t, regardless I see beauty in the imperfections, perfect is boring.

Embrace who you are in my opinion and spend less time worrying about what others think.. easier said than done.

I wouldn’t call myself gregarious or outgoing in a group, yet put me one on one and I’m fine, I can really relate to diamond joe’s sentiments in this.
Other than that there is no major pill and no way we can reprogram ourselves to become confident overnight... excluding alcohol but I don’t condone the use of mental impairment no matter how fun it is.

 

[Antogs]

I think it's normal to be nervous when entering a new situation with people you've never met. New school, new job, new social gathering. Trust me, as a single male, it can be terrifying. For me, I just take a breath, say to myself "it's showtime" and basically bluff my way through those first few awkward minutes until someone, hopefully, feels sorry for me and welcomes me I think it helps that when I meet people in a potentially sexual scenario I don't actually think that far ahead. I'm genuinely interested in engaging with them as people rather sexual beings (if that makes sense). I ALWAYS assume the person I'm talking to has no interest in me sexually until its made obvious that's not the case, Of course, there are exceptions to this. If approached by a sexy woman with clearly sexual intentions then my brain will immediately switch to caveman mode and I'm liable to suggest all sorts of stuff right from the off, but obviously, that is a rarity and easily judged.

 

[Lovernotfighter]

I steal mine from unexpecting O.A.P's

 

[Deleted member 6485]

I steal mine from unexpecting O.A.P's

x

 

[The-A-Team]

Hey up Julie,
Honestly, Confidence is not something your born with, but it is a skill, that is developed over time, and usually at the expense of some humiliation and knock backs along the way.
We've personally found that confidence is a learning curve of mistakes you hopefully don't make again, and it's, as simple as that.
Keep going as you are, your confidence will grow as your experience widens xxx Trust us xx
The-A-Team xx